Hi Ammat and thanks for this essay
It’s fine! It’s a bit long, at 332, words, so you need to think about 275-300 words in future, but your average sentence length is good at 15 words. You generally have three ideas and supporting examples in each paragraph, and you have topic sentences. It’s not super exciting, but it’s fine.
By tightening up some sentences and making them shorter and more specific, you would have fewer words but still be able to develop ideas fully. For example, in paragraph three, you mention how email is changing our language, but you don’t give any example or support for this one,
- electronic mail or email used widely all over the globe → electronic mail or email is used widely all over the globe
Word Choice/Word Form/Usage
- the effect of emails to it's users → the effect of emails on its users
- This essay will discuss both views about the positive and negatives impact of email to our life. → This essay will discuss the positive and negative impacts of email on our life.
It's not a very exciting thesis sentence, but it's OK!
Tighten, tidy and tune-up
There aren't really any major problems with your essay. Let's see if we can make some minor changes to your second paragraph.
Here’s your Paragraph Two
On the one hand, people agree that there a lot of advantages of email usage in our daily life. Fisrtly, we can reduce our costs and save our time by using email. For example, we can send documents to multiple persons by one click through email addresses that we have. Secondly, email can promote and support green technology which can save our earth. There is no paper, no ink and no fuel wasted if we use email instead of conventional postage letters. Thirdly, we can send it anywhere and it is really efficient. Through email, we we not just can sent documents in alphabet form but we can also sen other types of documents such as pictures, presentations and many more. (120 words)
It’s 120 words long. That's fine: It doesn’t need major change or reorganization, but let’s see if we can tighten it up a little. I might reorganize one idea and make most sentences more specific, and I've added some words and phrases at the beginning and end to relate the paragraph to the question more (see what the question asks about 'professional and social' communication):
On the one hand, email has many advantages at home and at work. Firstly, it reduces costs and saves time. For example, we can send documents to multiple persons with one click. Secondly, email can promote green technology and save resources. No paper, ink or fuel are wasted compared to conventional post. Thirdly, email is versatile and efficient. It is not limited to documents but can include pictures, presentations and audio. We can keep, search and find emails easily and this is invaluable in our private and working lives. (90 words)
I've saved 20 words and just tuned it up a little. Why don’t you try to do the same for Paragraph Three? See if you can reduce the length a little while adding some support the interesting idea in your final sentence.