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Air Pollution and Cars
Topic Rating: 1 Topic Rating: 1 Topic Rating: 1 Topic Rating: 1 Topic Rating: 1 Topic Rating: 1 (2 votes) 
October 21, 2011
2:33 pm
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October 21, 2011
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All of us suffer – every day morning- traffic jam which leads to waste of time and money causing air pollution to a much extent , with no need  .

Every one want to go to his work or school with his own car , that directly leads to what we suffer from daily morning going to work or afternoon returning backhome .

First of all , every one should be encouraged to use public transport instead of  his own car to reduce the amount of discharges  , air pollution , loud  and  traffic congestion .

Furthermore , governments should apply  certain attempt  or roles to regulat car ownership laws ,

Also they should improve their public transport network to offer a good , easy , fast  and lower price alternative transport tool .

all this steps will reduce traffic congestion which we suffer  daily .

Moreover , in this way we will save not only money , fuel , and time but also we  will save our health from pollution and harmful gases , the most important thing that we will save  is our planet where it also suffers -the same as we do -

From air pollution greenhouse gas libaration and carbondioxid gas during fuel burning all the day , causes global warming ,

changing the atmosphere of the planet leads to dangerous outcome affecting all alives  human being , plants and animals .

To summarise , all of us should consider to save our planet as much as we can , each body can do something to minimize this pollution and greenhouse gases libaration to live all together in a healthy planet with no traffic congestion and no global warming and its dangerous consequences.

October 22, 2011
4:06 pm
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writefix
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Hi Alia

 

Some good organization in this essay  If you put the question at the top of the essay (not in the title) then it will help us to focus on what our answers should be.

 

Again, I'd like to suggest that you use fewer commas. Either write shorter sentences, or split long sentences into two or three sentences.

Every one want to go to his work or school with his own car , that directly leads to what we suffer from daily morning going to work or afternoon returning backhome .

This could be changed easily into:

Everyone wants to go to work or school in his or her own car. The direct result is that we suffer in traffic jams in the morning and afternoon. 

This long sentence also could do with being shortened:

From air pollution greenhouse gas libaration and carbondioxid gas during fuel burning all the day , causes global warming , changing the atmosphere of the planet leads to dangerous outcome affecting all alives  human being , plants and animals .

It could be changed to this

Air pollution and the emission of greenhouse gases lead to global warming and changes in our planet's atmosphere. This affects all living things and is extremely dangerous for our future.       

 

Remember to keep punctuation (commas, full stops, etc) right at the end of the word: Put the space AFTER the punctuation. 

November 5, 2011
6:53 am
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iran
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The importance of clean environment and control exhaust gases is clear by 21 century.by the 19 and 20 century the world industrial companies begun to start the activities and beside those golden time the basic idea was money and how to make it,no ones care about recovery of the atmosphere .

The first and important reason of pollution is toxic gases which release from the cars and cause heart attack and cancers in the huge cities.The car companies for example just assume about their benefit and they do not control gases which exhaust from the cars,the other side of this argument the government who should control the cars and standardize the product.

From my point of view the most important organization about control the pollution is government they can bring more public transportation and reduse the amount of air pollution or at least check the factories every year.

November 8, 2011
1:10 pm
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writefix
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Hi Sina

 

Thanks for reposting this!

As I mentioned in my original reply, your comment/essay is just 150 words long, so perhaps it really is just a comment. Task 2 in IELTS requires 250 words 🙂

You are giving the car companies a hard time! It's true that they have dragged their feet sometimes over the introduction of safety features or improved fuel consumption, and have sometimes had to be forced by governments to implement changes. But cars are much cleaner and more efficient than in the past. Perhaps it's up to consumers like us to demand more radical changes and standards!

In your last paragraph you have a run-on sentence - two sentences joined without a full stop in between.

From my point of view the most important organization about control the pollution is government they can bring more public transportation and reduse the amount of air pollution or at least check the factories every year.

 

It's very easy to fix -  just add a full stop and capital letter!  With some other changes, the paragraph becomes:

In my point of view, the most important organization that controls  pollution is the government. It can provide more public transport to reduce air pollution. It can also check factories every year to ensure their emissions are within certain limits.

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