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Which of the media is most effective for news?
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July 28, 2012
7:30 pm
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Chose three of the following media and say how effective you think they are as source of news. Which do think is the most effective?  1.TV  2. The Internet  3. Newspaper  4.Radio


 Today, current affairs are disseminated rapidly throughout the world  due to the variety of sources of information.  The most interesting news is covered by newspapers, TV and the Internet. Personally, I think that they are the most efficient accesses to mass media.

However, newspapers are becoming outdated because of invention of new kinds of resources of information there are such people who still read daily papers and attracted by their headlines. Generally newspapers are interesting with their news about different aspects of social and political life. For example, there are a plenty of those which is considered bestsellers in our country namely "Pravda", "Didar" and so on. Another way to know what is happening in the world is TV. There is a good number of shows and programmes devoted to coverage of news, though, TV is full of others such as chat sows, quiz shows, soap operas and cartoons. as I know everyday audience is waiting for morning and evening news, which is presented by newsreader at definite time.

Ubiquitous Internet also is believed as a good source of information which has an easy access. A advantage of the internet is overloading of information., there can be news, which are not written in the broadsheets or are not broadcast on TV. Moreover enormous Internet attracts people with news spreading. Today, for instance news are distributed  by the internet more rapidly than other sources of information. 

In conclusion, in spite of the fact that there are various types of sources of information and their increasingly competition, for me the Internet  is the best resource of news comparable to others.

August 3, 2012
8:40 pm
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Hello Raihan and welcome to Writefix!

Sorry that nobody has got around to commenting on your essay yet.  I hope you are still visiting. Please feel free to comment on some of the other essays here   - people really appreciate it!

Your word count is fine at 268, but your average sentence is a little too long at 19.1 words. Try to add some short sentences (4-8 words) to reduce this average, and watch out for very long sentences. For example this one is 29 words long:

However, newspapers are becoming outdated because of invention of new kinds of resources of information there are such people who still read daily papers and attracted by their headlines.

I think it’s a either a run-on sentence or the word ‘although’ is missing somewhere.

Today I won’t comment on grammar or usage issues, but I will look at organization.

Introduction

What does ‘they’ refer to in the last sentence in the intro? Newspapers? The reference is not very clear, and the words ‘however, newspapers…’ in paragraph two also make us feel that newspapers is the topic.

Your thesis sentence in the intro could give your opinion (i.e. specify that you think the internet is the best source). You can read more about Thesis sentences here.

Paragraph Two

The first sentence in Paragraph Two is about newspapers. Does this mean the entire paragraph is about newspapers? No -  we find that TV is discussed in the last few sentences. This should be a separate paragraph about TV. A topic sentence (the first sentence in a paragraph) should be the topic of the entire paragraph, not just one part.

Paragraph Three

Your third paragraph (about the Internet) looks shorter than Paragraph Two. Despite this, we find out in the conclusion that it is your favorite way of learning the news.  You could have used a 35553 layout for this essay, with the longest paragraph about the internet. Read more about 35553 layouts here.

Conclusion

Your conclusion is only one sentence. For no apparent reason, you pick the internet as your choice. Why?  

Have a look at the official descriptors for IELTS Task 2 Writing (public version) here, under Task Response and look for the phrase “inadequately developed” or “development is not always clear” 

Your conclusion should summarize the information from the other paragraphs. You haven’t compared the various media to say why one is better than another.  I recommend two or three sentences in your conclusion. This gives you enough time to summarize, give your opinion, and suggest something about the future. 

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