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Should more companies allow us to work from home?
Topic Rating: 0 Topic Rating: 0 Topic Rating: 0 Topic Rating: 0 Topic Rating: 0 Topic Rating: 0 (0 votes) 
May 16, 2012
10:44 pm
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The information technology revolution has made every office work much more convenient and easy. Now a days it is possible  that employees can do office work at home by using computers ,phones and fax machine facilities. It is a controversial  issues ,weather it need to promote for the benefit of employer and worker  or not .

          There are some strong arguments which support work from home .Firstly, Working from home provide more leisure time to workers .It help to cut down the workers travelling time to work .They can enjoy this quality of time to look after their families.  Secondly , work from home can  reduce the investment cost of  a business. Employer no need to spend money to build and maintain of office  infrastructure. It can  enhance employer  business profit .

             However, working from home is unable to develop teamwork. For the progress of any firm creative team work is essential. So ,team work only possible in office environment .Another possible point ,work form home inhibit the interpersonal relationships of clients with workers and employers .The only possible way  that  company can develop good relationships with their customers   by arranging direct or face to face meeting with them,  which totally impossible by using telephone calls and emails.

            To conclude.the modern technology is  very useful and convenient for office workers and employers .Although, new information technology gave opportunity to employees and employers to work at home in spite of offices, but it involves some drawbacks as well which can hinder the growth of both worker and employer .After analysis of the both side arguments ,I believe that working from home should need to promote in limited manner not completely.

May 16, 2012
11:22 pm
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writefix
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Hello guru and welcome to Writefix.

How long did it take you to write this essay? You have 40 minutes in IELTS Task 2.

Please run your essays through Microsoft Word before posting here to remove basic grammar and punctuation errors. Get rid of red and green underlines. Microsoft Word can really help you to improve your writing.

Here are a few points.

Word Choice/Word Form/Usage

  • Now a days it is possible  → Nowadays it is possible
  • The information technology revolution has made every office work much more convenient and easy → The information technology revolution has made office work easier and more convenient.
  • It is a controversial  issues ,weather→ It is a controversial  issue whether

Punctuation

  • Put one space AFTER the punctuation mark (comma, period, full stop, exclamation mark, question mark). Do NOT put a space before the punctuation mark.
  • Firstly, Working  → do not have capitals in the middle of sentences except for names.
  • Put one space between words and between sentences.

Simplify

  • It is a controversial  issues ,weather it need to promote for the benefit of employer and worker  or not . → 
    Is it better for employees to work from home? OR
     What are some of the benefits for the employee and the employer?  OR 
    Is working from home always a good idea?  OR 
    Many people thinking working at home would be much better than having to travel to work. However, it....
       
  • It help to cut down the workers travelling time to work .→   It cuts down commuting.

Empty words

  • fax machine facilities → fax
  • the investment cost of  a business → the cost of business

Tired Phrases

It is a controversial  issues ,weather it need to promote for the benefit of employer and worker  or not .

Don’t use “It is a controversial issue.” It’s overused.

In any case, deciding to work from home is not really a controversial issue. It's better to avoid all memorized phrases unless you memorize them correctly. Just say what you want to say, and don't try to remember a boring old phrase that you half-learned.

Another possible point ,work form home inhibit the interpersonal relationships of clients with workers and employers

This can be rewritten as 

Another point is that working from home inhibits the development of relationships between workers and clients

Agreement

  • Working from home provide more leisure time → working from home provides more leisure time.
  • It help to cut down. → It helps to cut down.
  • Employer no need to spend money to build and maintain of office  infrastructure. → The employer does not need to spend money on building or maintain offices.

Missing Verb

These sentences are missing a verb →

  • So ,team work only possible in office environment → So, team work is only is possible in an office environment
  • .The only possible way  that  company can develop good relationships with their customers   by arranging direct or face to face meeting with them, →The only possible way that companies can develop good relationships with their customers is by arranging face-to-face meetings with them. 
     
  • which totally impossible by using telephone calls and emails. → which is totally impossible using telephone or email.

'Although'

Don’t start a sentence with 'although.' Don’t put a comma after 'although.' Don’t use ‘but’ in the same sentence as ‘although:’

Although, new information technology gave opportunity to employees and employers to work at home in spite of offices, but it involves some drawbacks as well which can hinder the growth of both worker and employer

This could be rewritten in TWO short separate sentences as:

New information technology gives employees and employers an opportunity to work at home and save time and money. However, it can hinder the productivity of both workers and companies due to weaker relationships between customers and colleagues.

May 17, 2012
6:39 pm
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May 16, 2012
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Hello, Mr writefix

Thank you so much for reply. It took around 50 min to write this essay. Yes , I will write next time on Microsoft world .The feedback you gave is really  helpful for me. I need 7 Band in each module .Do you think m able to score this target.

May 19, 2012
9:02 am
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writefix
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Hello Guru

I don’t see why not – it’s a good band to aim for! Have a look at my reply to Yokama for what you need to have in each of the four areas you will be marked on

http://writefix.com/?page_id=2722/about-this-forum/childrengames-sports-social-activities-learning-1-are-under-increasing-educational-social-and-financial-stress-some-people-think-this-is-a-positive-development-do-you-agree-1#p854

In short, the key characteristics for a Band 7 according to the public IELTS descriptors for Writing Task 2 are

  • addresses all parts of the task
  • presents a clear position throughout the response
  • logically organizes information and ideas;
  • uses a sufficient range of vocabulary to allow some flexibility and precision
  • produces frequent error-free sentences

So have a look at the descriptors and decide what your strengths and weaknesses are! But watch the time! You can’t steal 10 minutes from Task 1 to give to Task 2 - both tasks are very important and measure different skills.

Remember: 20 minutes for Task 1 and 40 minutes for Task 2. Spend 5-8 minutes planning each before you begin.

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