Hi Kiran2012, and I hope you are still visiting the Writefix forum from time to time.
Thanks to Blue Sky for his comments. I hadn't noticed the word count. It's a real shame when writers who can write as well as this lose marks just because they are under the 250 requirement. Plus it puts the examiner in a bad mood because they have to count the words laboriously by hand!
Everybody should practice with the sample IELTS Writing Task 2 Answer sheet here so that you know the length depending on your handwriting. 290 words for most people is a page and a half, but everyone's writing is different.
'Vicious circle' (paragraph 3) is correct, and very nice. It's certainly a 'less common lexical' item, and it's used correctly with an awareness of style.
Awareness of style is also the reason Kiran2012 uses 'her' life in the conclusion. Women are entitled to use 'her' or 'hers' where most male writers would use 'his' or 'he.'
Have a look at the official descriptors for IELTS Task 2 Writing (public version) here, under Lexical Resource.
However, Blue Sky is right that it's generally better to avoid using 'one' at all. It's just old, hard work, and too formal. Let the Queen use it, and let's not be afraid to say "I" or "we" or "you."
Task 2 is an opinion essay and you are allowed to give your opinion - not "one's" opinion.
Overall, I really like Kiran2012's essay, except for the thesis sentence. There are some problems with prepositions and conjunctions, and with word choice, but the ideas and the flow are very good. There's a clear topic in each paragraph.
Thanks Kiran2012 and thanks Blue Sky for the valuable comments.