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City or countryside - which is better for children?
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August 15, 2012
6:10 pm
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For children, it is better to grow up in the country than in the city. Do you agree or disagree?


Some people prefer to live in country side and some in city considering their children. However, I prefer to live in city because I come from country side and know how difficult it is to grow up there as a student with big goals in life.  

Cities are better to stay for children because the exposure one gets in cities cannot be compared with living in country side. Everyone wants their children to study in good schools, colleges but this dream is difficult to get fulfilled while staying in country side when taking example of country like India. In India all good schools and colleges are in metro cities. Therefore, for education purpose cities are better. I would like to quote my own example i.e. in order to study from good college I studied in boarding school and college because there was no good law school in my town.

Moreover, the life in cities is better in comparison to country side when comes to facilities like medical facilities, market, etc. Also, in cities children can learn other things also apart from studies like dance, music, etc and pursue their hobbies as in cities you can easily find coach, institutes for learning these activities.  Additionally, life in city is more hectic and tough due to competition, people coming from different places, etc so it is easy to get acquainted with this life at young age.

Further, people want to work in city if they are in professional job or business as a result it is better to stay there. In addition employment rate is far higher in city than country side therefore to avoid migration to city in later life, it is better to settle when children are growing up.

To summarize the above points I would like to say living in cities is better than country side when you are looking for overall development of your kids and wants better and secured future.

August 15, 2012
11:48 pm
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Hi Cracktoefl

 

Some people prefer to live in country side and some in city considering their children. However, I prefer to live in city because I come from country side and know how difficult it is to grow up there as a student with big goals in life.  

Cities are better to stay for children because the exposure one gets in cities cannot be compared with living in country side. Everyone wants their children to study in good schools, colleges but this dream is difficult to get fulfilled while staying in country side when taking example of country like India. In India all good schools and colleges are in metro cities. Therefore, for education purpose cities are better. I would like to quote my own example i.e. in order to study from good college I studied in boarding school and college because there was no good law school in my town.

Moreover, the life in cities is better in comparison to country side when comes to facilities like medical facilities, market, etc. Also, in cities children can learn other things also apart from studies like dance, music, etc and pursue their hobbies as in cities you can easily find coach, institutes for learning these activities.  Additionally, life in city is more hectic and tough due to competition, people coming from different places, etc so it is easy to get acquainted with this life at young age.

Further, people want to work in city if they are in professional job or business as a result it is better to stay there. In addition employment rate is far higher in city than country side therefore to avoid migration to city in later life, it is better to settle when children are growing up.

To summarize the above points I would like to say living in cities is better than country side when you are looking for overall development of your kids and wants better and secured future.

Your essay has some problems in " structure". It does seem you are going to merge some sentences to each other without paying attention to the structure. Some sentences are formal while in the others it seems you consider spoken language. Keep you tone same throughout the essay. I think it would be better you put away, etc and i.e and put some strong words  . For example , replace " chilld " with kid. " . Some sentences like the one I highlighted with orange color has no relevant to the rest of essay. 


Some suggestions: give easier ideas to deal with. And cut down big sentences. To write longer sentences consider relative clause or conditional ones.  It helps you keep the structure you already knew.

Here My rewrite ( Based on your essay . There are a few ideas in your essay ,forcing me the rephrase same ideas frequently)

Some people prefer to live in the countryside while others tend to bring up their children in the city. However, I prefer to live in the urban areas because I grew up in the rural place and know how difficult it is to live there while having big goals to achieve.


The first reason that why people are interested in the city is educational facilities. It is fair to say that greater universities and institutes are mostly found in cities.  People wish to prepare better educational opportunities to their children to secure their job prospects and to ensure their future. India, for example, is a country that one finds most of the universities in the metropolises. From my own experience, I do myself was forced to study in boarding school because there was no law school in my town. In fact, If I stayed at the village, I might lose the chance of studying.


Moreover, by comparison with the country, living in the city in terms of facilities such as medical, shopping and recreational is much better. Children have more chances to pursue their hobbies such as dance, music and even sports. Having more population in cities, children can find easily coaches and teachers to learn from them. In fact, the likelihood of progress in a certain field in the urban areas is more than the rural areas.


As outlined above, I think that one can have better living if he/she is looking for the greater development in various aspects such as educational, vocational and recreational.


 

August 22, 2012
1:39 am
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thank you Brian. I will work on my sentence formation and try to keep it short. please review my other essays so that I know my progress. 🙂

August 22, 2012
8:25 pm
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Some people prefer to live in countryside and some in city considering their children. However, I prefer to live in city (why not change a word, maybe urban area) because I come from countryside and know how difficult it is to grow up there as a student with big goals in life. 

 

Cities are better to stay for children because the exposure one gets in cities cannot be compared with living in countryside. Everyone wants their children to study in good schools, colleges but this dream is difficult to get fulfilled while staying in countryside when taking example of country like India. For instense, In India all good schools and colleges are in metro cities. Therefore, for education purpose cities are better. I would like to quote my own example i.e. (better not use it, change into such as may be better) in order to study from good college I studied in boarding school and college because there was no good law school in my town.

Moreover, the life in cities is better in comparison to countryside when comes to facilities like medical facilities, market, etc. Also, in cities children can learn other things also apart from studies like dance, music, etc and pursue their hobbies as in cities you can easily find coach, institutes for learning these activities.  Additionally, life in city is more hectic and tough due to competition, people coming from different places, etc so it is easy to get acquainted with this life at young age. (etc, is overused)

Further, people want to work in city if they are in professional job or business as a result it is better to stay there. In addition employment rate is far higher in city than country side; therefore, to avoid migration to city in later life, it is better to settle when children are growing up.

To summarize the above points I would like to say living in cities is better than countryside when you are looking for overall development of your kids and wants better and secured future.

 

Hey, dude, I am so sorry I am not acquainted with the Tofel exam, that's why I never try to comment ur essays. Please don't blame me. Anyway, I like try to comment some. But I am not good at all, hope it can help you.

 

Your grammar is good, but understanding ur essay is kind of difficult. Some sentences are too long; therefore, I need read for several times. I guess Barin has a really good advice to u.

 

Best regards,

 

David

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