Hi David - don’t despair and sorry for the lack of praise so far! Let me record here that I really appreciate all the hard work you've done and all the comments you've made. I'm sure I speak for many people when I say thanks for all your effort!
And here’s a little more praise – this essay isn’t bad at all!
(there's always a however, or a but, isn't there!
The thing that jumps out, however, is the vocabulary. It’s very dense. That’s not a technical term, but it means that there is a lot of ideas and vocabulary crammed in here. Less would do!
I’m going to make a few simplifications in word choice. Check my message to Xiaoyu today about vocab. There’s no need to work too hard to show the examiner your vocabulary in IELTS Writing. The real IELTS vocab test is in Reading, where you have to read 2500 words in just an hour, and in Speaking, where you have to produce natural-sounding conversation and opinions in 11-14 minutes. In the Writing, my advice is to use the simplest vocab you can, and to aim to use it right.
So I wouldn’t say ‘Tourists also propagandize the characteristics of the place which impress them most to their companions’ – I would say “tourists tell their friends about places they like” OR “tourists tell their friends about places that impress them” OR “if tourists are impressed by a place, they will tell their friends.”
I wouldn’t say “congested travelers” - I would say “crowds of travelers.”
It’s just easier to get the simpler expressions right. The IELTS writing test is not the time to experiment! Play it safe.
Here’s your essay, with some simplications and clarifications. I’ve tried to stay true to your ideas and structures. You will notice that I've had to change almost none of your organization because it was fine. I haven't had to extend paragraphs, or reduce them. In one or two places I've added a word or two as examples. But apart from that, the essay is absolutely fine. I've just simplifed the vocab.
David's essay, with some vocab changes.
Today, as the disposable income of citizens is increasing, travelling to historical attractions and learning other cultures is becoming popular. Some residents worry that surging tourist populations would disrupt the normal life and ruin the culture in their hometowns. In this essay, I will analyze the link between tourists and tourist attractions, and explain why too many travelers may jeopardize local cultural traditions.
Historical sites, natural beauty, or great entertainment and culture can all turn regions and cities into tourist destinations and elevate their reputation. As a result, local inhabitants and governments could earn more money. Companies and local authorities can use these funds to improve the living standard of locals, protect old architecture or the environment, and provide even more tourist facilities. When tourists are impressed by a place, they tell their friends and this reputation attracts an even greater number of visitors. Tourism can also make local people proud of their culture, and encourage the authorities to protect and develop this culture.
However, large crowds of travelers can also undermine the ambience of a tourist venue. First of all, residents can become more materialistic, or even cheat tourists for short-term profit. Cultural transformations can occur and affect the morals of local people. Some tourists ruin the architecture or historical treasure as well, for example by writing graffiti or just by touching or handling objects. Also, an excessive number of tourists can make the tourist attractions noisy and congested, and the tranquil environment and serene living habits of local people can be lost.
Even though attracting more people increases the income of local citizens and improves the reputation of the place, it jeopardizes the life style of the local residents. Too much tourism can damage the very thing that people come to see. Governments, local authorities, travel companies and local people need to accept responsibility to protect the cultural, historical or natural resource of their areas.
Well done, and thanks again. In your next essay, put away the dictionary. Turn off the thesaurus. Switch off the spellchecker and get away from Google. If it's a mental dictionary, set it to "Level: Suitable for age 16" and don't go higher than that. Challenge yourself to chose the simplest words you can get away with.
Remember, in the descriptors:
Band 5: "limited" (that means you really don't have enough vocab)
Band 6: "adequate" (that means you have just about enough.)
Band 7: "uses less common items WITH an awareness of style" (you can use strange words, but they have to be right. You can make "occasional" errors in word choice. "Occasional" means three or four in an essay, not nine or ten. So this is the key thing to focus on if you are aiming for a Band 7: you can get away with "occasional" errors in word choice. The other 246 words have to be correct. Not just in meaning, but in style. (Here are the official descriptors for IELTS Task 2 Writing.)
Where did I get this figure of three or four from?
Nowhere. I just made it up. But if you have 20 sentences, and 10 of them have errors in word choice, that definitely feels like waaaay too many to me.
If you have 20 sentences (a good, typical number to aim for in IELTS Task 2 writing) and only three or four of them have odd vocab items, that might be OK.
I'd not kidding about the age 16 thing above. Imagine you are writing for a 16-year old niece or brother who is studying English. They are not as good as you at it, but they are among the top in their class. Write for them. If they understand it, you've got the right level. If they have to ask you about two or three words that's OK. If they fall asleep while you are reading, you need to start over.
And well done on this essay.