Welcome!

In the forum on this page you can see IELTS essays by people just like you. Hundreds of people added essays and comments and helped each other to get a great IELTS essay score! Have a look at their amazing writing!

Please note: This forum is closed!

closed

Sorry! However, please enjoy the hundreds of essays and thousands of comments still available here. A HUGE thanks to all the writers who commented and to all the visitors. We hope we've made IELTS writing less scary.

Popular Tags

Click the links below to see essays on that topic.

art business communication children crime culture economy education environment families food freedom globalization
health heritage  leisure media politics science society sports television travel technology transport university violence work

Avatar

Lost password?
Advanced Search

— Forum Scope —




— Match —





— Forum Options —





Minimum search word length is 3 characters - maximum search word length is 84 characters

sp_Feed Topic RSS sp_Related Related Topics sp_TopicIcon
Does travel promote understanding and communication between countries?
Topic Rating: 0 Topic Rating: 0 Topic Rating: 0 Topic Rating: 0 Topic Rating: 0 Topic Rating: 0 (0 votes) 
January 9, 2012
6:46 pm
Avatar
london
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 9
Member Since:
December 1, 2011
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Does travel promote understanding and communication between countries?

 


 Today people travel to many countries for their education, business and employment. The question arises here is that whether these journies improve commmunation between countries worldwide. In my opinion, it is certainly beneficial in visiting other countries.

     The first key answer to the above question is, the international globalisation. Men get opportunities to understand the native culture; local cuisines, dressing manners, different languages. Additionally, the relationship between the locals and the foriegners become healthy. Thus, people from rich countries understand and donate the under-developed nations. Moreover, visitors gain knowledge in advanced technologies by travelling to many developed countries. As a result, there is an exchange of culture, aids, technologies by promoting brotherhoodness between nations.

    However, some people cause damage to the local culture and traditions of the other countries. For instance, if smoking is prohibited in a country and if the foreigner smokes in the public, it is against the law and spoil their culture. Tourists are sometimes the reason for racial discrimination between nations. This is illustrated by an example, Africans are sometimes ill-treated in the western countries. These reasons might result in unhealthy relationship among nations leading to worldwars.

    In conclusion, both the pros and cons of travelling to countries are analyzed which clearly shows that travelling enhances an healthy communication between countries. However, the government of the nations must promote restrictions to prevent any damage caused by the foreigners.

January 10, 2012
5:23 pm
Avatar
writefix
Guest
Guests

Hi Sara

Thanks for this essay. It's OK – not very exciting. Perhaps a few examples from your experience would make it more interesting. 

 

Generalizations

Be careful to avoid simplistic generalizations. It is fairly unlikely that tourism could lead to a world war (paragraph 3) or that by simply visiting a country we can learn about advanced technology. Generalizations might limit you to a Band 7 (see http://www.ielts.org/pdf/UOBDs_WritingT2.pdf under Task Response).

 

A few small points: 

 

The first key [pick one] answer to the above [avoid: keep your writing going forward -  don't make the reader go backward] question is, the international globalisation. Men [Only men? What about women? Children?] get opportunities to understand the native culture; local cuisines, dressing manners [dress], and different languages. Additionally, the relationship between the locals and the foriegners becomes healthy. [How? This point is not fully developed] Thus, people from rich countries [Generalization: why only people from rich countries? What about rich tourists from China or India?] understand and donate [wrong word - omit?] the under-developed nations. Moreover, visitors gain knowledge in advanced technologies by travelling to many developed countries. [Generalization: can we really understand technology from a one week visit to a country?] As a result, there is an exchange of culture, aids, aid technologies by promoting brotherhoodness between nations.

What is the question in the first sentence in this paragraph? How does international globalization improve communication? The question in your intro paragraph is a Yes/No question. 

 

Perhaps this would be a more developed version:

Tourism can indeed improve communication, understanding, and friendship. Travelers experience the local culture with its cuisine, clothes and languages. They have an opportunity to meet the local people and become friends: what was unknown or even frightening becomes exotic and interesting. Traveling to developed countries may help spread new technology at home, while traveling to poorer countries may remind the tourist of deeper ways of thinking.

There are some comma splices and run-on sentences as well as unncessary commas in the essay:

  • This is illustrated by an example, Africans are sometimes ill-treated in the western countries. 
  • The first key answer to the above question is, the international globalisation

Your opinion is given clearly, and your conclusion is also clear. Just watch out for some unclear references, some verb agreement errors, some missing articles, and be careful to avoid generalizations.

  

January 13, 2012
11:10 am
Avatar
london
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 9
Member Since:
December 1, 2011
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Hello sir.. I am glad to receive your comments. I think I have mistaken the question. I thought it is not tourism but people who travel for their business or studies abroad and thus gain knowledge on technology. Then it must be immigrants. It is totally my fault. Thanks for clearing me. I understood about generalizations. I will follow a proper essay format as you have explained. Thanks sir.

Forum Timezone: Asia/Dubai

Most Users Ever Online: 299

Currently Online:
26 Guest(s)

Currently Browsing this Page:
1 Guest(s)

Member Stats:

Guest Posters: 1

Members: 172

Moderators: 1

Admins: 2

Forum Stats:

Groups: 1

Forums: 3

Topics: 545

Posts: 2204

Moderators: Newestadmin: 0