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How can we control our health problem?
Topic Rating: 0 Topic Rating: 0 Topic Rating: 0 Topic Rating: 0 Topic Rating: 0 Topic Rating: 0 (0 votes) 
July 5, 2012
8:38 pm
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As we know that we are living in fast world and we must have good health for facing any challenges of the society. When we look around and consider the situation so many people face weight problem. In this essay I will explain those figures point which we need think about to controlling weight and obesity issues.  

There are several reasons why it is ridicules to expect free or subsidized health care indefinitely. First of all, most of the people prefer fast food in working time for good test. The market foods already cooked with bad oils and most people simply used to be full of cholesterol foods. Due to which many people face more harmful situation. They don’t care about the fact of this foods and keeping the same rotten in their daily life. That reasons they become heart problems and diabetes issue and increasing the weight problem in early age. In addition, most of the people prefer to rest bed after food. They do not walk in a home and outing which developed more obesity body and eradicating condition in their life.  

However, it is also natural to fight for life. We can solve this issue if we conclude some exercise in our routine life. We should participate in some sports activities and arrange among the competition. If we put these tendency so we can rid of from different body disease which we do not need to pay on the treatment. We just manage daily exercise when we go to office or home so we should early drop one stop before by walking. That rotten will be better result for improving health fitness and able to reduce dwindling body size.  

In conclusion, I think deciding who deserve which treatment could be possible immensely. If consistency efforts would manage in daily life so we will be able to control health problems. 

July 6, 2012
9:14 am
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Hello irfee

 

Though full question is not written in the post, I think the essay tries to address only the obesity issue which is not only the health problem.

In second paragraph, first line has no link with the topic. The whole second paragraph is devoted on discussing the causes of the some of the health problem which I think is off the topic.

The control measures as required by the topic is discusses in third paragraph but it is short.

The conclusion is short too

 

Some sentences are not clear. like: "They don’t care about the fact of this foods and keeping the same rotten in their daily life. That reasons they become heart problems and diabetes issue and increasing the weight problem in early age."

"We should participate in some sports activities and arrange among the competition"

 

I think you need to work on sentence structure such as use of verb and noun

I will explain those figures point(s) which we need think about to controlling weight and obesity issues.

We can solve this issue if we conclude (include) some exercise in our routine life.

If consistency (consistent) efforts would (are) manage(d) in daily life so we will be able to control health problems. 

Regards


July 6, 2012
2:51 pm
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Thanks Irfee for the essay and thanks to Ramesh789 for the comments - it's a big help.

Irfee, I agree with Ramesh789 that we need the original question. Do you have it? If you can post it here that would help us to see if your essay answered the question or not.

Learn from mistakes....

You wrote:

As we know that we are living in fast world

This is not a sentence. It’s a fragment. The problem is caused by the incorrect phrase ‘As we know that.’  Leave out ‘that’ and add a comma.   

As we know, we are living in a fast world.

But if we know it, then there is no need for you to say it. So your first sentence can now be written

As we know that we are living in fast world and we must have good health for facing any challenges of the society.

We are living in a fast-paced world, and need to be healthy to face its challenges.

(You had the same wrong structure ‘as we know that’ in another essay and it was corrected. Make sure you learn from your mistakes!)

Don't plagiarize...

You have one beautiful sentence in Paragraph Two

There are several reasons why it is ridiculous to expect free or subsidized health care indefinitely.

It’s very nice, but it’s not really your sentence – it comes from here

Your topic sentence for Paragraph Three

However, it’s also natural to fight for life

- also comes from the same essay.

There’s not much point in people helping you with your essays if they are not your essays! (   مضمون کی چوری٬ بجری کی تہہ)

Looking forward to some careful posts by you with your own writing and ideas. We can all improve together.

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