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How can we encourage old people to use the Internet and mobile phone??
Topic Rating: 4 Topic Rating: 4 Topic Rating: 4 Topic Rating: 4 Topic Rating: 4 Topic Rating: 4 (1 votes) 
April 2, 2012
4:54 pm
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More and more young people are using mobile phones and the Internet, but old people are less exposed to new technology. In what way could mobile phones and the Internet be useful to old people? How can old people be encouraged to use this new technology?


 

Cutting-edge technology directly influences people around the world; such as the Internet, mobile phone.Young generations use them for recreation and studying, even to contact with friend by the Internet, but old people seems have an isolation from the new technology. In this essay, i will point out some advantages of  the cyberspace,and some ideas that encourage old people to use the Internet and mobile phones.

In this generation, people are effected by the Internet and mobile phones, because some of these spin-offs are good for people.In the Internet this respect, some of the Internet application are useful and interesting,which can better our life quality and fun. For example, the news and games, people can use the Internet to get the most up-to-date information,even to the minute. Besides, when people feel unpleasant or blue,so mobile phone's game can please people and makes them feel better.

To encouraged ideas, it is vividly the old people have an isolation from the technology explosion, but we can encourage them in some special ways. Using to the online application can motivate them. Take online chatting for example.There is a child who live a great distance away from home, but old people can use online chatting to connect with family,both on the Internet and mobile phones. Furthermore, alerting function is another advantages to old people. For instance, as people are getting older, their  brain functions are more slowly.Alerting function can warn them to remember when they should eat the medicine or the things should be done.

To concluded,the more we accelerate the pace of life , the more life satisfaction we have. Although the old people are not easy to adapt to the new trend, we still can give them some motivation to try. 

April 4, 2012
1:20 pm
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writefix
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Hi Nick

Thanks for this essay!  A couple of points:

Usage

Use 'and' between the last two examples. Try to have three examples - it's a magic number.

  • such as the Internet, mobile phone.  such as the Internet and mobile phone  
  • some ideas that encourage old people to use the Internet and mobile phones ==>
    some ideas that might/may/could/ mencourage old people to use the Internet and mobile phones.
  • people are effected by the Internet and mobile phones, because some of these spin-offs are good for people.
    people are affected by the Internet and mobile phones.
  • it is vividly the old people have an isolation from the technology explosion==>
    it is clear that old people are isolated from the explosion in technology
  • Using to the online application can motivate them
    Using online applications can motivate them
  • Furthermore, alerting function is another advantages to old people.
    Furthermore, the alert or reminder function on phones is another advantage for old people.
  • For instance, as people are getting older, their  brain functions are more slowly.
    For instance, as people get older, their brain functions become slower.
    Alerting function can warn them to remember when they should eat the medicine or the things should be done.
    Alerts can remind them to take medicine or do chores.
  • To concluded ==> To conclude
  • the cyberspace  ==> cyberspace

 

Simplify/Clarify/Reference

In this generation, people are effected by the Internet and mobile phones, because some of these spin-offs are good for people.In the Internet this respect, some of the Internet application are useful and interesting,which can better our life quality and fun. For example, the news and games, people can use the Internet to get the most up-to-date information,even to the minute. Besides, when people feel unpleasant or blue,so mobile phone's game can please people and makes them feel better.

Perhaps the best thing to do with this paragraph is to break it up and reorganize it:

People's social and professional lives have been changed profoundly by the Internet and mobile phones. The Internet can be genuinely useful, with up-to-date news reports, productivity tools and file sharing, as well as entertaining, with games, videos and social networking.

'There is' can often be removed. Try to minimize its use

There is a child who live a great distance away from home, but old people can use online chatting to connect with family,both on the Internet and mobile phones.

Old people can use online chatting to connect with family and children far away, both on the Internet and mobile phone.

Idea!

What do you think, people - do you agree with Nick when he says

The more we accelerate the pace of life, the more satisfied we will be.

April 14, 2012
12:02 am
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Hello Mr writefix how are you today. hoping that everything is fine oh!: )

         I got some question here.

Q1

    Did you think that grammar in this essay is bad? 

my school teacher said that is bad!perhaps I should better some part of it which is grammar.

Here is the thing, Mr writefix you are the only person have corrected all my essay during this practicing, so can you give me some advice. 

    How do you think which part that I ought to review and improve?

 

Q2

   Then here is another question.

Writing test is the weakest part to me in IELTS.

i wonder why this useful website did not have any task1 section for people putting essay (except the first page that one, because that cannot put essay) 

The reason why I ask is that i really need Mr writefix to help me out and get better soon!!

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