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Should working mothers receive free child care?
Topic Rating: 5 Topic Rating: 5 Topic Rating: 5 Topic Rating: 5 Topic Rating: 5 Topic Rating: 5 (2 votes) 
July 11, 2012
9:27 pm
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More and more women go out to work. It is the responsibility of the government to provide staff and facilities for children of working mothers, free of charge. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

 

here is my argument.

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At time of writing, increasing numbers of women are going out for jobs. Some feminists believe that government should not shirk the responsibility of providing infrastructure and adequate number of pro bono staff to look after the children. Although such notion is so considerable for working mothers, I personally believe it is a waste of tax payers’ money.

It should be noticed that such proposal is cost prohibitive and free of charge is not viable. It is precisely because the budget of government fund is fixed, while working mothers are hard to be calculated via a census. Another reason that the government is not necessary to afford such service is that our welfare system has already offered sufficient allowance and taxation system gives incentive and tax rebates for working mothers, which has already taken up a lot of government funds. It is a double benefit if such pro bono services will come into existence.

Another supporting consideration is that companies should bear more burdens than the government.  They can directly benefit from offering extra child care service to working mothers, as mother staffs can put more energy on working instead of nurseling.  The government is not in a right position to substitute the companies who are accountable for the well-being of their staffs.

In addition to this, some fathers may complain that they also contribute a lot to the family but are not entitle for such government benefit. It can be iniquitous in this issue, as a handful of fathers may have also sacrificed without any reward. Therefore, the only way of eliminating unfair is not providing any form of monetary subsidy.

Consequently, I would like to reiterate that such suggestion is flawy and the government should not waste taxpayers’ money on such proposal.

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Please feel free to make any comment.

July 12, 2012
6:36 pm
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Marlboro_hom

Have a look at my comments on your other essay

Here are a few more:

  1. No Latin. No 'pro bono,' no 'ad hoc,' no nothing else in any foreign language. No Greek or Hindi or Tagalog or Shona or Sanskrit or French.  The clue is in the name: IELTS
  2. No complicated words. There's no point using 'recapitulate' if you use a wrong word like 'flawy' beside it. Remove 'iniquitous,' remove 'nurseling', whatever it means, remove passives - just SIMPLIFY. Remove all words longer than 3 syllables.
  3. Check that all sentences have ONE subject, and that the verbs in the sentence agree with it.
  4. No tired old phrases and generic sentences (See some more here and here). Remove these forever from your writing toolbox:
  • It should be noticed 
  • At time of writing
  • I would like to reiterate
  • Another supporting consideration 

Shorten your sentences. You have 295 words. Try to get this down to about 270, but first try to reduce the average sentence length from 21 as it is now to between 12 and 15.

Write as if you were under supervision. As you write each sentence, ask youself 'How can I make this sentence clearer?' and then cross it off and start again. Do NOT fall in love with the sound of any sentence. There is only ONE correct sentence above. Have a look in the official descriptors for IELTS Task 2 Writing (public version) for "some structures are accurate but errors predominate."
 
Somebody has given some really bad advice about how to write. Go back to the beginning, write the clearest, simplest English possible, and your score will improve dramatically.

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