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Is fast food replacing traditional food?
Topic Rating: 0 Topic Rating: 0 Topic Rating: 0 Topic Rating: 0 Topic Rating: 0 Topic Rating: 0 (0 votes) 
May 15, 2012
4:26 pm
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In many countries, traditional foods are being replaced by international fast foods. This is having a negative effect on both families and societies. Do you agree or disagree? 


It has been noted that fast food is playing a crucial part of our modern society, but there is much discussion nowadays as to whether fast food is replacing traditional food.

Many people frown on fast food,and call them "junk food" because of its malnutrition and can lead to severe health hazards. We cannot get the required nutritions from the meal. Restaurants also promote "health meal" such as salad, low fat burger, but according to research it is still very low in nutritious and fibre content.

Most importantly, fast food poses health hazards. Burger, french fries and Coca Cola and ect. , they are high in salt, fat and sweets. Eating too much of them can trigger heart disease and obesity. We have a common phenomenon of fast food generation, people from different ages all addicted to fast foods. In Wesern countries, more and more people are diagonised with health diseases, this does not only affect patient himself, it will also affect the whole society with this accumulating trend. The work productivity will be low from these people, more services and effeorts will be put in curing the patients.

On the other hand, what makes fast food so appealing is that it is not just hot and tasty, but it is also contant and convient.Unlike traditional food is elaborately prepared, fast food takes much less time. In a fast paced world, time is precious, most people have chosen fast food as their lunch options. Additionally, fast food restaurants tend to be a nice environment to relax in. People can order a milkshake to chat with friends.

Fast food has become a part of our life. Like it or not, it is here to stay. Whereas traditional food is elaborately prepared, using traditional methods, it is more tasty and healthy. It is also infilfered with culture, we cannot afford to throw it away. As to maintain a healthy life style, one need to balance the diet right, taking less fast food as possible.

May 17, 2012
1:54 pm
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Hi!! 

I have some comments here.. i hope you dont mind..

Overall, I think (this is only my opinion) your ideas are somewhat jumbled? And i dont know what is your stand in your essay.. And there are some errors on the choice of words. Here are some:

  •   Many people frown on fast food,and call them "junk food" because of its malnutrition and can lead to severe health hazards.
  • but according to research it is still very low in nutritious and fibre content.
  • this does not only affect patient himself, it will also affect the whole society with this accumulating trend --------should (This does not only affect the patient, but also the society.)

But don't worry dear.. just practice..practice...and practice... believe me..it works!!! 

May 17, 2012
11:18 pm
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Hi shuaishuai000

 

I agree with Mr.b_rock09 . You write well. But I think there are some points I should to make. First of all Id say that question is everything. We should address the requirements of the question. In this essay question asks you about the role of fast food in modern world and whether fast food can replace traditional food. However, you have never mentioned anything about this in the introduction, so that when someone is going to read it while he/she does not know about question thinks that the essay is about how harmful is fast food. Below is your intro. And at the end I think you should show your position firmly.

  Many people frown on fast food,and call them "junk food" because of its malnutrition and can lead to severe health hazards. We cannot get the required nutritions from the meal. Restaurants also promote "health meal" such as salad, low fat burger, but according to research it is still very low in nutritious and fibre content.

It would be much better you do it in Microsoft Word of other processing word software to get rid of RED and GREEN error.

frown on: I think this phrase is more used for behavior.

and can: I would be much better you separate this sentence. Do not put two or more points in one sentence.

nutrition is Uncountable noun.

them: it (refer to single food)

when you want to name some things as examples it would be better you put three ones. As Mr.Enda it is not a rule, but make your sentences balanced.

 

Id like to write an introduction based on question. One probably examples would be like this:

It is obvious that in most countries people tend to eat fast food.It also seems that fast food has become one of the sign of modern life. However, there is much debate whether fast food is becoming a substitute for fast foods.

Im afraid now I cannot leave more feedback on your essay. Thanks for sending this essay to us.

May 19, 2012
8:51 am
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Hi Shuaishuai000

Thanks for your essay and good to see you here again!

I think I need to apologize  - I removed the question from the title and forgot to put it into your essay. This affects Brian’s comment about your intro. Here’s the question that you posted (although it doesn’t actually seem to have a question!)

In many countries, traditional foods are being replaced by international fast foods. This is having a negative effect on both families and societies. Do you agree or disagree?

Brian and B_rock09 have already made some good comments.

Organization

I think B-rock09 to say that your ideas are a little jumbled. For example, your third paragraph starts with ‘health hazards’ but in the middle you have a sentence about social phenomenon: “We have a common phenomenon of fast food generation, people from different ages all addicted to fast foods”

You need to reorganize your paragraphs so that you have one clear topic in each paragraph.  Write a short topic sentence at the start of each paragraph so that you and the reader know the main idea of that paragraph.

Introduction

Leave out phrases or words from the question. If your words are too similar to the question, they won’t be counted. In your case this is not a problem, because you have over 330 words, but some people repeat the question, and this is just a waste of time. Try to rephrase the question.

Leave out the word ‘debate’ or ‘discussion.’  . Leave out passives: ‘It has been noted’ or ‘It has been observed’ or anything like that. And is fast food 'crucial'?  Will anyone die if there is no fast food? Don’t use phrases that could be used in a million essays.

Instead, just describe the situation, and have a thesis sentence:

Here’s the question again

In many countries, traditional foods are being replaced by international fast foods. This is having a negative effect on both families and societies. Do you agree or disagree?

And here’s a possible intro:

Fast food is part of our modern society. Is it replacing good traditional food and dishes handed down over generations, or does it just give us more choice? In this essay, I will explain why I think our traditional cuisine is not in danger from fast food.  

This introduction is different from yours because I’m trying to stick to one topic (and disagreeing with it). As Brian said, the essay is not really about the dangers of fast food, so your third paragraph needs a different main idea. Your fourth paragraph is closer to the topic, but it doesn’t discuss traditional food

Aim for a shorter, 4 paragraph layout (3773). Have a clear topic in each of the two body paragraphs. This could be an essay that disagrees (“No, fast food is not replacing traditional food”):

  1. Intro
  2. Yes, fast food is everywhere/Many people eat fast food at certain times in their lives/Fast food advantages
  3. But...people still prefer proper food/National dishes are still popular/People only eat fast food as a part of their diet - they still go back to their national or favorite traditional dishes
  4. Conclusion

OR – here’s a layout that agrees (“Yes, fast food is changing our traditional way of eating”)

  1. Intro
  2. OK, traditional meals are still cooked at home by some people. / Some older people prefer to eat meals that take hours to prepare/ Traditional dishes are still part of our life
  3. But the reality is that...  Fast food is everywhere/Most people eat fast food at certain times in their lives/Fast food advantages/Life has changed and we have to change with it./We can’t spend hours
  4. Conclusion

I like these nice short sentences in your conclusion:

Fast food has become a part of our life. Like it or not, it is here to stay.

These two sentences flow very well. 

I won’t comment on the grammar or word choice problems -  if you copy-and-paste the essay into Microsoft Word, you will be able to fix many of them, as Brian points out. There should be no red or green underlines in Word. Try it and see!  If you don’t know how to check, have a look here: How to check your work in Microsoft Word 

Overall, just go for a shorter (250-300 word) essay with a four-paragraph layout and try to keep one central topic per paragraph, with a topic sentence. In your intro, avoid memorized phrases, and just describe the situation. Have a thesis sentence. Be very clear on your essay layout and what each part is going to do. Run the essays through Microsoft Word and take time to understand the problems it identifies. Hope you can add more essays here!

May 19, 2012
9:00 am
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writefix
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Hi Brian and B_rock09!

Thanks for these  comments – some very accurate ones and some really good tips for Shuaishuai000. I hope they help!

B_rock's comment about jumbled ideas was absolutely correct. When you are reading an essay, you should know why you are reading it and what each sentence is there for. Each sentence must be there for a reason.

Brian, thanks for the grammar points -  all absolutely correct. How long did it take you to write your comment? 

I’ve put back the question into Shuaishuai000’s essay. Sorry about leaving it out earlier

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