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Is too much money spent on pets?
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June 6, 2012
6:04 pm
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Here is my essay that I wrote it in two version a bit long one and short one. 


Some people feel that too much attention is paid to and too much money is spent on keeping pets while people throughout the world are starving. Discuss the arguments for and against keeping pets.


It is quite common to see that some people spend a huge amount of money on raising pets. While many people are suffering from starvation, I honestly think that such costs are unnecessary.

The major reason that some people tend to keep domestic animals probably is because of the sense of loneliness. In such fast-paced lifestyle that individuals have no time to each other, it seems that cats and dogs can be a good companion. Individuals try to spend their time with pets instead of other people who probably are so much busy that cannot share their time with them. Furthermore, it is said that raising pets is also benefit for the health of human.  There is evidence that raising up and stroking pets can reduce the blood pressure and stress.

However, on the one hand, there has been always immoderation in taking care of domestic animals. Many people waste a huge amount of money on raising up pets. To them, it seems that keeping animals is to show their affluence. Every year we can see that many exhibitions hold to show animals dressing up and new models of animal hairs. When it comes to animal clinic and veterinary medicine it is worse. Pet owners should check their animals regularly. Nor do we give up the shared diseases between animals and human. They are really cause serious diseases that squander millions of pounds every year to cure. On the other hand, these sums of money can spent on starvation, which many people are struggling with it in all around the world.

To sum up, I think it is very likely that owners of pet squander a lot of money on keeping their animals. This money can go to address some problems such as poverty and starvation to help to lift disadvantaged people out of starvation.

June 6, 2012
6:05 pm
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and short version...
 

It is quite common to see that some people spend a huge amount of money on raising pets. While many people are suffering from starvation, I honestly think that such costs are unnecessary.

The major reason that some people tend to keep domestic animals probably is because of the sense of loneliness. Individuals try to spend their time with pets instead of other people who probably are so much busy that cannot share their time with them. Furthermore, it is said that raising pets is also benefit for the health of human.  There is evidence that raising up and stroking pets can reduce the blood pressure and stress.

However, on the one hand, there has been always immoderation in taking care of domestic animals. Every year we can see that many exhibitions hold to show animals dressing up and new models of animal hairs. When it comes to animal clinic and veterinary medicine it is getting worse. Pet owners should check their animals regularly. Nor do we give up the shared diseases between animals and human. They are really cause serious diseases that squander millions of pounds every year to cure. On the other hand, these sums of money can spent on starvation, which many people are dying of starving in all around the world.

To sum up, I think it is very likely that owners of pet squander a lot of money on keeping their animals. This money can go to address some problems such as poverty and starvation to help to lift disadvantaged people out of starvation.

June 6, 2012
6:39 pm
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Hi Brian

Thanks for this topic and your two essays. I put them in a new topic because I think it's a good question and I want people to be able to find it using the Popular Tags and "Related Topics" features (see the 'Related Topics' button near the topic title near the top of the page). I hope you don't mind.

 

Trying to write a shorter version is a really good idea

Your have two versions:

Long version: 306 words, 18 sentences, average 17 words per sentence
Short version: 259 words, 15 sentences, average 17.27 words per sentence

First of all, 309 words is still OK - I would be happy if most writers here kept to that maximum! I think 245 to about 325 is perfect, but as many candidates go over 300, the number of errors increases.

It's a really good exercise to see how you can shorten an essay. You've removed some entire sentences from the long version, and yet most of the ideas and examples are still there. However, you didn't change the sentences or edit them -  that's more difficult and time-consuming!

Just wondering - which version did you start with first?!

Instead of looking for errors and suggesting fixes, I'm going to try to take your longer version and rewrite it in about 250-270 words. Here goes:

 

 

June 6, 2012
7:09 pm
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Here's my rewrite of Brian's essay (longer version). I've kept most of his ideas except the one about pet-to-animal disease transmission in Paragraph 3. This essay is now 260 words long.


 

Many people spend a huge amount of money on raising pets. In a world where millions are suffering from starvation or are under-nourished, I honestly think that such spending is unnecessary.

There are good reasons for keeping pets. First, pets combat loneliness. Cats and dogs are a good companion for people living alone. Furthermore, keeping a pet can also be good for our health. There is evidence that raising or even just stroking pets can reduce blood pressure and stress, and many nursing homes have animals for just this reason. Dogs also need exercise, so the owners benefit from walking too. In addition, pets are fun and great teachers! By playing, they remind us that life is not just about work and minding them teaches children responsibility.

However, some people take pet ownership to extremes. For some owners, pets are an accessory or a display of affluence. Shows and exhibitions are held showing animals in ridiculous outfits or hairstyles, and vast amounts spent maintaining pedigrees and creating unusual breeds. Secondly, the cost of some veterinary treatment can exceed the cost of life-saving operations for humans. This is clearly a misplaced priority.  Finally, even a few tins of dogfood or catfood weekly runs into tens of billions of dollars annually worldwide. Should a cat be better fed than a human?

To sum up, it’s clear that pet owners squander a lot on their animals. We need to consider what we are spending our money on and whether this money could be spent on improving the life of others around the world.

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