Thanks for this essay. You have some good ideas and phrases here. What is your language background?
I really like the example of nursing in Paragraph 2. Essays are much more interesting when ideas are supported with examples and fully developed. Perhaps you could have explained in another sentence what is meant by the clinical setting.
Some good phrases from your essay:
- …to fully understand them, we need to experience them first hand.
- However, they can never completely understand how it feels like to be real care givers if they are not exposed to the clinical setting.
I would try to use fewer of these standard phrases
- It is the opinion of others
- As all people know,
- At the end of the day,
They don’t add to your essay, and the first one – ‘it is the opinion of others’ - seems very strange. Where’s your opinion?! It’s an opinion essay, after all, and in the intro we are not sure of yours
Your introduction also needs a thesis sentence - a sentence that tells the reader what you are going to discuss. Sometimes this can also give your opinion. It often helps the reader to know the order in which you are going to discuss the topic.
- In this essay, I will explain why we need both practical and theoretical knowledge. OR
- This essay will show that all learning must be applied but that theoretical learning is also vital.
Word Choice/Word Form/Usage
- All those information mold us → All that information molds us OR All of that information molds us
- These two are great factors for us to be well versed. → You have to be versed ‘in’ something: These two help us to develop our skills in our work.
- Moreover, traits and attitudes can also be obtained and harnessed → (Use only one word - decide which one you prefer and stick to it. (In this case, however, I don’t think you can obtain or harness an attitude. ‘Traits’ are usually regard as natural or inherited.) Perhaps it could be rewritten like this:
Moreover, experience can help to form attitudes and near-instinctive feelings for how to handle different situations or challenges.
- In the academe→ In college
- If certain knowledge is not applied , then more or less it is useless. → If certain knowledge is not applied, then it is more or less useless.
- books also clarify to us some issues and concepts → books also clarify some issues and concepts which are…
- information imparted to us by books are also indispensable. → information imparted to us by books is also indispensable.
I hope this is not meant to be a separate paragraph - it should be part of the second paragraph.
Moreover, traits and attitudes can also be obtained and harnessed from different situations in life. These two are great factors for us to be well versed.
This idea could also be developed more.
The third paragraph is fine, but not as interesting at the second paragraph. Perhaps you could have continued the example of nursing.
Overall, some great language and some good ideas. As I mentioned, Paragraph 2 is more interesting because of the real example.