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How should rich countries aid poor countries? Is money enough?
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January 22, 2012
9:51 am
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Philippines
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January 11, 2012
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Many poor countries receive financial help from richer nations, but poverty is still a problem. Should we give other kinds of help to developing countries in order to eliminate poverty?


Developed countries are helping poor countries by giving financial assistance to improve their economy, education and health system. Some poor countries use this financial aid in building classroom, improve agriculture and support local investors. However, there are other developing countries had never used the financial assistance because it end up being corrupt by politicians. In this essay, I will discuss if money is sufficient to help developing countries to eliminate poverty or there are other ways to help them to escape poverty.
 
Billions of dollars are being spent by developed countries to aid poor countries like Somalia, Africa and Philippines. Some poor countries are being ruled by corrupt politician, who used the money for personal needs. In addition, when developed countries sent food supplies the convoy are being harsh. For example in Somalia, United Nations food supplies convoy are being attacked by rebels which the food supplies never reach to the people, who badly needed this help. If these circumstances always happen, it will worsen the situation and there will be no room for improvement.

There are many ways to help developing countries to eliminate poverty. Building infrastructure managed by international watched group, in this matter it helps to stop politicians corrupting the funds. With this type of organization, poor countries will definitely develops their economy, education and health system because funds are being spend for the right directions. Furthermore, lessen the tariff fees for poor countries when exporting their products to a develop countries, in this way, it helps local investors to gain more profits and improve the quality of their products. In addition, with good quality, local investors can compete their products to the multinational companies. More than that, donating books, school equipments and improving facilities will help children in poor countries to have an easy access in education.

In conclusion, money are not sufficient to help poor countries eliminate poverty because in some countries they are being ruled by corrupt politician. However, if there is an organization monitoring the funds, it helps lessen the corruption and the aid will spend to the proper way. I believe that if we set aside our personal needs and help each other, we can improve our country and reduce poverty.

January 28, 2012
1:59 pm
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writefix
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Hello Dino and welcome to Writefix!

There is / there are

You can usually omit these words - they often don't add anything to a sentence. In your example, you already have a verb:

However, there are other developing countries had never used the financial assistance because it end up being corrupt by politicians.

Here's the sentence with a couple of other changes:

However, other developing countries have never used financial assistance because it ends up being embezzled by corrupt politicians.

Verb Tense

Watch out for verb tense - stay in one or the other and try not to change too much.

Some poor countries are being ruled by corrupt politician, who used the money for personal needs. In addition, when developed countries sent food supplies the convoy are being harsh. For example in Somalia, United Nations food supplies convoy are being attacked by rebels which the food supplies never reach to the people, who badly needed this help

Here's a rewrite with fewer tense changes. I've made some other changes, especially with the word 'harsh'

Some poor countries are being ruled by corrupt politicians, who use the money for their personal needs. In addition, when developed countries send food supplies the convoy are often attacked. For example in Somalia, United Nations food supplies convoys are being attacked by rebels, so the food supplies never reach the people, who badly need this help

Try to avoid making lists. Your third paragraph has some problems with comma splices:

There are many ways to help developing countries to eliminate poverty. Building infrastructure managed by international watched group, in this matter it helps to stop politicians corrupting the funds. With this type of organization, poor countries will definitely develops their economy, education and health system because funds are being spend for the right directions. Furthermore, lessen the tariff fees for poor countries when exporting their products to a develop countries, in this way, it helps local investors to gain more profits and improve the quality of their products.

One way to rewrite this could be:

There are many ways to help developing countries to eliminate poverty. One way is to build infrastructure using internationally monitored contractors. This will help to stop politicians stealing funds. With this type of organization, poor countries will definitely develops their economy, education and health system because funds are being spend for the right directions. Furthermore, rich countries could lessen the tariff fees for poor countries when exporting their products to developed countries. In this way, local investors will gain more profits and improve the quality of their products.

Overall, your essay is well organized. The last sentence in your conclusion is a bit general - it was as if you had got fed up and just wrote something to finish the essay!

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