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Why are many traditional skills disappearing?
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May 19, 2012
3:07 pm
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Many skills people used in the past in their work or at home are disappearing. Why is this happening? 


 During Centuries, people in each society tend to use their skills to do their own life necessities like building a house to live in or grow vegetables to eat. But, as time passes such activities become less popular among people. Having a hectic lifestyle and economic problems like intending to have a higher salary lead these skills disappearing.

Looking a century back, shows that people have more free time to do variety of activities. There was no internet to check emails or television was not invented yet. Moreover, people have learned how to handle their essential needs and tackle with problems. But nowadays, maybe one person in a million could follow this custom. people have bigger problems because they use more complicated technologies. This makes their life more busy. but it is not the only reason.

In many years before, beside having a skill, people earn money by doing repairs and producing useful things for others. Precisely, it was one of the basic ways of a family to use their skills beneficially. However, today by industrializing essential goods of life, many people are likely to have jobs with satisfactory salary. because the old fashioned jobs can not provide enough money for a good life.

Like many countries, this is becoming a controversial issue in Iran too. For example, art of painting on the glass is now an attraction for tourists but, hundred years ago it was a skill of a particular group of people who did this to make a building more beautiful and also earn sufficient money. Unfortunately, today it has been forgotten and just few workshops in different cities continue this art.

In my point of view, there should be a union for skills which are going to disappear and a center for people who are active in this area. In addition, governments should support educational programs to remind their societies the importance of helping and preserving these skills for future generations. 

May 24, 2012
11:47 am
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Hi Shahab

Here are a few comments on your essay. I hope they are helpful.

Word Choice/Word Form/Usage

  • During Centuries  → For centuries

Verb Tense, Simplify

You wrote:

During Centuries, people in each society tend to use their skills to do their own life necessities like building a house to live in or grow vegetables to eat. (29 words)

Here’s one possible rewrite with the past tense only

For centuries, people built their own houses or grew their own vegetables. (12)

Verb Tense

But, as time passes such activities become less popular among people. → But, as time passed, such skills became less common.

Thesis Sentence and Word Choice:

Having a hectic lifestyle and economic problems like intending to have a higher salary lead these skills disappearing.

Is having a higher salary a problem?   Let’s rewrite this as a thesis sentence which tells the reader what you are going to do in this essay.

In this essay, I will suggest that many traditional skills have almost disappeared because of economic development and our busy lifestyles.

Introduction

Here’s one possible rewrite of the introduction. It compares past and present. It also gives some examples of skills and ties your fourth paragraph into the essay. Have a look at more types of introductions here.

For centuries, people built their own houses or grew their own vegetables. But, as time has passed, such skills, along with handcrafts such as weaving, glassmaking, and pottery have become less common. In this essay, I will suggest that these traditional skills have almost disappeared because of economic development and our busy lifestyles.

Paragraph 3

What is the main idea of Paragraph 3? It’s not very clear. It starts by saying that some people in the past earned money through skills. Then it says that people today have good salaries. The two ideas are not linked smoothly.

Paragraph 4/Conclusion

Paragraph 4, about glassmaking in Iran, is by far the most interesting paragraph -  you have an example of a skill. Why so late in the essay? And why is it not fully developed? Why did this skill almost disappear? Why has it been forgotten? If you had based your entire essay around this example, it would have been more interesting - and more fully developed.

There also would not have been new material in the conclusion. Don’t introduce new ideas in the conclusion, no matter how interesting.

Overall:

Overall, you need to get to the point of your essay more quickly. The essay rambles on without clear linking between some of the ideas. Say what you want to say: avoid ‘tends’ and ‘were likely to.’ Keep sentences short, with only one idea in each.

Keep your verb tenses consistent. You change from past to present to present perfect to present, and it’s very confusing. 

Some good ideas here, but it needs to be organized more strictly and to be shorter. Above all, plan for a simple 3773 essay with two sides, rather than a 5 or 6 paragraph essay. 

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