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Should the media be allowed into our private lives?
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July 17, 2012
3:14 pm
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Many newspapers, magazines and television programmes make money by reporting on the private lives of public figures such as politicians, sports personalities and entertainers. While the media's right to freedom of expression should be defended, the media should not intrude into people's private affairs. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?


Individual freedom is an essential needs for everyone these days. On top of that, media have exploited this kind of situation in their daily work. They are free to obtain and report any informations, news and stories about occasions, wars, stories or even celebrities private lives. There are a lot of arguments both in favour and against this media practice. This essay will analyse about media's right to freedom of expression especially when they involve about public figures personal matters.

On the one hand, people agree that freedom of media should be retained because they believe that it is a crucial right for media to play its role. For example, access to royal families is limited only for selected people and media. Public depend on media to get stories and informations about their ruler. Having said that,such public figures should accept the inconveniences because they are born to be in public eyes.

Apart from that, transparency of media can be a useful tool to investigate politician's wrongdoing. Some politician will use privacy laws to cover up their bad habits such as bribes. In other words, it is sometimes in the public interest for media to investigate politician private lives to discover and expose their corruption.

On the other hand, people keep arguing about reability and validity of stories and reports from the media. Nowadays, newspaper and television are more interested in making money than telling the truth. As a result, stories of scandals and controversies about celebrities increase newspaper circulation. Some of the rumours and scandals that arise not really valid and trusted. Its always involved about famous people's relationship and family. Such rumours and stories will attract larger audiences and buyers for their programs and magazines.

In conclusion, media and public figures will always correlate with each others. Celebrities, entertainers and politicians need media to promote  themselves while media rely on famous people to make their stories marketable. However, as public informations pool, they need to be aware about people's sensitivity and feeling.

July 18, 2012
12:57 pm
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writefix
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Hi Ammat

Thanks for this essay. It’s 335 words long, which is a little long, but OK if you can do it in the time. 

It’s probably better to try to keep to under 300 words.  That’s about a page and a half for most people. Print out the sample IELTS Writing Task 2 Answer sheet here so that you know the appropriate length depending on your handwriting, and practice writing by hand in 35 minutes.

Word Choice/Word Form/Usage

  • Individual freedom is an essential needs → Individual freedom is an essential need
  • report any informations → report any information
  • celebrities private lives → celebrities’ private lives
  • public figures personal matters → public figures’ personal matters
  • in favour and against this media practice  → in favour of and against this media practice
  • reability → reality (?)
  • Some of the rumours and scandals that arise not really valid and trusted → Some of the rumours and scandals that arise are not really valid and trusted
  • This essay will analyse about media's right to freedom → This essay will analyse the media's right to freedom
  • Public depend on media to get stories and informations → The public depends on the media to get stories and information
  • public figures should accept the inconveniences → public figures should accept the inconvenience
  • media can be a useful tool to investigate politician's wrongdoing→ the media can be a useful tool to investigate a politician's wrongdoing  OR  media can be a useful tool to investigate politicians wrongdoing.
  • it is sometimes in the public interest for media to investigate politician private livesit is sometimes in the public interest for media to investigate politicians private lives
  • media and public figures will always correlate with each others.media and public figures will always be closely related/intertwined/linked

Clarify

You wrote:

However, as public informations pool, they need to be aware about people's sensitivity and feeling.

Here’s one possible rewrite:

As well as being a source of information, the media need to be aware of people's sensitivity and feeling.

Coherence and Cohesion

In your second sentence in your intro, “On top of that” is not a smooth link from the previous idea.  Neither is “this kind of situation.”

Here’s one possible rewrite:

Individual freedom is an basic human need. However, in many cases, the media abuse this human right to privacy and freedom.

In Paragraph Two, “Having said that” is also incorrect.

In Paragraph Three, “Its always involved about famous people's relationship and family,” the word “it” refers to scandals and rumours and should be plural.

  • It’s always involved about famous people's relationship →  [They ] often involve famous people's relationships

 Have a look at the official descriptors for IELTS Task 2 Writing (public version) here, under Coherence and Cohesion. Basically it means links between ideas and sentences, as well as within sentences.

Overall

Overall, your essay is fine. Some of the examples could be shorter, and this might allow you to give more examples and still have a shorter essay. Layout and topic sentences are fine.

July 18, 2012
2:24 pm
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Thanks,Mr. Writefix. Obviously, i have problem with plural and singular nouns 🙂 will check it out.Thanks a lot.

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