I like your introduction. May be it is not very impressive but it tells the reader what the essay tends to say.And of course explains your position clearly.
On one hand, there are many reasons that why people prefer big malls for shopping. First of all,it is convenient, people can buy almost everything under one roof.
1) on the one hand
2) it is convenient; people can buy..
Many markets claimed to have everything from a sewing needle to a car.
Therefore, quality is ensured. ( it is ok but I think it would be better if you went into more details)
One problem is that people often ends up their shopping with many unnecessary items
1) end up
These items usually just stacked at their home or passes their expiry dates
1) stack at 2) homes
These items usually are stacked at their homes or would pass their expiry dates.
Furthermore, longer shopping hours are usually required in search of items in different sections placed on different shelves
1) to 2) to search of items located on different shelves.
Another drawback is that people incur lot of extra amount from their hard-earned money on huge payments for their bills
I want just make it clearer :
Another drawback is that people should spend a larg sum of money which they earn hard on paying bills.
In conclusion, inspite of some drawbacks , shopping in big shopping malls is the first choice for many people. I believe shopping in supermarkets is convenient, cheaper that ensures good quality to their customers as well.
1) repetition: buying or purchasing from big malls is the first choice for many people.
I believe shopping in supermarkets is convenient, cheaper that ensures good quality to their customers as well.
I believe that shopping in spupermarkets is more convenient and also cheaper than traditonal shopping so that it may ensure good quality to customers as well.
Overall, I think you have good ideas and an organized essay. Each paragraphs has a certain idea developed in a roughly proper way.
However, what makes this essay worse is grammar. It is too pity to see that such essay which benefits from good idea and a wide range of vocabularies suffer grammar. Some of them are repeated several times which I think it will lower your score severely. Most of them are easy such as " verb tense" and " subject+ verb agreement" which could be easily avoided through re-reading.
Finally, Mr.write fix will help me at those areas that I dont know about them.
Thank you and I do appologize for things I have forgotten and for my mistakes.