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Shopping: supermarkets and malls or small shops and local markets?
Topic Rating: 0 Topic Rating: 0 Topic Rating: 0 Topic Rating: 0 Topic Rating: 0 Topic Rating: 0 (0 votes) 
March 17, 2012
5:36 pm
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            In today’s world of consumerism many people like shopping in big malls than traditional shops. I believe this is a positive development with some drawbacks as well. In this essay I shall discuss on the benefits and some disadvantages of shopping in supermarkets.

             

           On one hand, there are many reasons that why people prefer big malls for shopping. First of all,it is convenient, people can buy almost everything under one roof. Many markets claimed to have everything from a sewing needle to a car. Another important point is that there are branded items for many products. Therefore, quality is ensured. Thirdly, often there are sales and discounts  offered  on many items. So, people can save lot of money when buying things in bulk. Finally, ways of payment  are  much easier, as bank cards and credit cards are acceptable in these shops.Thus, it is understandable that due to all such facilities people like shopping in supermarkets.

      

        On the other hand, shopping in big supermarkets have some drawbacks as well. One problem is that people often ends up their shopping with many unnecessary items .These items usually just stacked at their home or passes their expiry dates. Furthermore, longer shopping hours are usually required in search of items in different sections placed on different shelves . Another drawback is that people incur lot of extra amount from their hard-earned money on huge payments for their bills. Therefore, it is clear that why some people do not prefer shopping in malls.

 

       In conclusion, inspite of some drawbacks , shopping in big shopping malls is the first choice for many people. I believe shopping in supermarkets is convenient, cheaper that ensures good quality  to their customers as well.

March 18, 2012
2:04 am
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Hi Naheed,

 

I like your introduction. May be it is not very impressive but it tells the reader what the essay tends to say.And of course explains your position clearly.

 

On one hand, there are many reasons that why people prefer big malls for shopping. First of all,it is convenient, people can buy almost everything under one roof.

1) on the one hand

2) it is convenient; people can buy..

 

Many markets claimed to have everything from a sewing needle to a car.

1) claim

Therefore, quality is ensured. ( it is ok but I think it would be better if you went into more details)

 

 

One problem is that people often ends up their shopping with many unnecessary items

1) end up

These items usually just stacked at their home or passes their expiry dates

1) stack at  2) homes

These items usually are stacked at their homes or would pass their expiry dates.

 

Furthermore, longer shopping hours are usually required in search of items in different sections placed on different shelves

1) to  2) to search of items located on different shelves.

Another drawback is that people incur lot of extra amount from their hard-earned money on huge payments for their bills

I want just make it clearer :

Another drawback is that people should spend a larg sum of money which they earn hard on paying bills.

 

In conclusion, inspite of some drawbacks , shopping in big shopping malls is the first choice for many people. I believe shopping in supermarkets is convenient, cheaper that ensures good quality  to their customers as well.

1) repetition: buying or purchasing from big malls is the first choice for many people.

 

I believe shopping in supermarkets is convenient, cheaper that ensures good quality  to their customers as well.

I believe that shopping in spupermarkets is more convenient and also cheaper than traditonal shopping so that it may ensure good quality to customers as well.

 

Overall, I think you have good ideas and an organized essay. Each paragraphs has a certain idea developed in a roughly proper way.

However, what makes this essay worse is grammar. It is too pity to see that such essay which benefits from good idea and a wide range of vocabularies suffer grammar. Some of them are repeated several times which I think it will lower your score severely. Most of them are easy such as " verb tense" and " subject+ verb agreement" which could be easily avoided through re-reading.

Finally, Mr.write fix will help me at those areas that I dont know about them.

Thank you and I do appologize for things I have forgotten and for my mistakes.

March 20, 2012
10:59 am
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Hi Naheed and Brian!

Naheed, thanks for a nice clear well-organized essay. This is absolutely fine, apart from Brian's few comments, which I agree with. It has simple sentences, a clear introduction and conclusion with a summary, and very few errors.

Brian -  well done on spotting the few errors which exist. As you point out, Naheed has good ideas and a good choice of vocabulary here.  Without looking at your feedback, I found the following points - and guess what - you found all the same ones!

Introduction

Naheed, I would have a marker in your second sentence to make the change from positive to negative even clearer

I believe this is generally a positive development but with some drawbacks. OR

Although this is a positive development, the growth of supermarkets and malls have some drawbacks. OR

Although malls and supermarkets are pleasant places to shop, they are not without problems.

Usage

  • On one hand ==> On the one hand
  • Many people like shopping in big malls than traditional shops ==> like shopping in big malls more than in traditional shops OR prefer shopping in big malls.

One problem is that people often ends up their shopping with many unnecessary items

One problem is that people often end up with many unnecessary items (in their shopping)

These items usually just stacked at their home or passes their expiry dates. 

These items are usually just stacked at their home and left to pass their expiry dates.

Fragments and Run-Ons/Comma Splices

Don't use commas to join separate ideas. Use a fulll stop:

First of all,it is convenient, people can buy almost everything under one roof. ==>

First of all, it is convenient. People can buy almost everything under one roof.

Or use 'because'

First of all, it is convenient, because people can buy almost everything under one roof.

Be careful with lists. This one is tough because it's not parallel:

I believe shopping in supermarkets is convenient, cheaper that ensures good quality to their customers as well.

I believe shopping in supermarkets is cheap and convenient, and ensures good quality for the customer.

Verb tense

Many markets claimed to have everything from a sewing needle to a car.

Stick to present tense - 'claim'

Simplify

Another drawback is that people incur lot of extra amount from their hard-earned money on huge payments for their bills.

Another drawback is that people are tempted to spend a lot in malls.

Apart from these points, I'm very happy with the essay, Naheed. It's easy to read, it makes sense and it's organized properly. Good work. And well done Brian again!

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