Thanks for this essay. It’s an interesting topic.
Your essay is 291 words long, which is OK, and has an average sentence length of about 17, which is a little high. Try to reduce this to between 12 and 15. The easiest way to do this is to add more short sentences like the first one in your introduction.
I like the ideas in your essay, particularly in Paragraph Two, where the ideas are fully developed and supported.
I like the use of ‘we’ and ‘most of us’ - it’s a nice personal style.
I would perhaps change Paragraph 3 - the first point in it is a little weak or unclear. The second point in Paragraph Three about government regulations is fine, but the strongest part of your essay is Paragraph Two. Could the essay layout be made more balanced?
So the biggest issue now is word choice. Here are some examples. In general I’d say to put away your dictionary, thesaurus, and translator, and think of the simplest possible word that expresses what you want to say. The Reading test in IELTS is more of a vocabulary test than the Writing test, so don’t worry about cramming in words into your essay. Concentrate on expressing yourself as simply as possible and on developing and supporting your ideas.
Word Choice/Word Form/Usage
- Some untrue or misleading information disperse in the sea of information unavoidably → It is inevitable that some untrue or misleading information will find its way into this sea of information OR It is only natural that some untrue or misleading information will be found in this sea of information.
- Correctly treating various information before your eyes is not easy → Dealing with/sorting/handling/knowing how to use/knowing how to treat this information is not easy.
- There are not universal standards to helps us judge → There are no universal standards to help us judge
- We should not doubt internet has offered us more true and useful information for us. → We should not doubt that the internet has offered us a wealth of true and useful information.
- Information on internet can not ensure hundred-percent reliance → information on the internet can not be relied upon one hundred percent OR We cannot rely fully on information from the internet.
- though we can’t promise all of information is completely correct → though we can’t be sure that all of information is completely correct
- Therefore, most readers still have trustful attitude → Therefore, most readers still trust the internet
- These rules can reduce our damages → These rules can reduce the effect
- make best use of it → make the best use of it
There is/there are
There is/there are can often be left out
- There are many famous and successive websites which operate by shared information which are posted by enthusiasts.
Many famous and successful websites which share information are operated by enthusiasts. OR Many famous and successful run by enthusiasts and experts share information.
- Furthermore, internet is one of the great inventions in the world, which is original expected to more efficiently share and disseminate information
The comma here is not correct. Let’s delete the ‘greatest invention’ bit:
Furthermore, the internet was designed/invented originally to share/disseminate information efficiently.
Overall, it's one of the best essays you've written in terms of structure, development of ideas, word choice, and accuracy.