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Is what we read on internet accurate?
Topic Rating: 0 Topic Rating: 0 Topic Rating: 0 Topic Rating: 0 Topic Rating: 0 Topic Rating: 0 (0 votes) 
July 27, 2012
8:28 pm
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i feel it is a difficult topic. i spent 2 hours writing it. wish your comments.

 

Nowadays, anyone can post information on internet. Some people think that most of what read on internet in inaccurate. To what extent do you agree or disagree?


We are living in a world full of information. Some untrue or misleading information disperse in the sea of information unavoidably. Correctly treating various information before your eyes is not easy because there are not universal standards to helps us judge information. However, we should not doubt internet has offered us more true and useful information for us.

Like many things, information on internet can not ensure hundred-percent reliance. So we should not discard trust in information on internet just because few of them have cheated us. There are many famous and successive websites which operate by shared information which are posted by enthusiasts. These websites act as platforms helping us obtain knowledge and disseminate useful information though we can’t promise all of information is completely correct. Most of us are supporters of these websites and trust information published on them. For instance, wiki encyclopedia is a typical representative of this kind of website, which uploads shares and spreads a variety of information by millions of free subscribers around the world. Therefore, most readers still have trustful attitude towards information on internet.

Furthermore, internet is one of the great inventions in the world, which is original expected to more efficiently share and disseminate information. If we do not believe information on internet, what can we do with internet? Last, many governments have released regulations to regulate and scrutinize information published on internet to protect readers. These rules can reduce our damages if readers haphazardly use or share misleading information on internet.

In conclusion, we should keep confidence in information on internet because internet is our unprecedented invention for human’s improvement and provides us uncountable useful information for our work and life. So don’t doubt it, make best use of it.

July 30, 2012
6:07 am
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Hi Ma-Frank

Thanks for this essay. It’s an interesting topic.

Your essay is 291 words long, which is OK, and has an average sentence length of about 17, which is a little high. Try to reduce this to between 12 and 15. The easiest way to do this is to add more short sentences like the first one in your introduction.

I like the ideas in your essay, particularly in Paragraph Two, where the ideas are fully developed and supported.

I like the use of ‘we’ and ‘most of us’ -  it’s a nice personal style.

I would perhaps change Paragraph 3 -  the first point in it is a little weak or unclear. The second point in Paragraph Three about government regulations is fine, but the strongest part of your essay is Paragraph Two.  Could the essay layout be made more balanced?

So the biggest issue now is word choice. Here are some examples. In general I’d say to put away your dictionary, thesaurus, and translator, and think of the simplest possible word that expresses what you want to say. The Reading test in IELTS is more of a vocabulary test than the Writing test, so don’t worry about cramming in words into your essay. Concentrate on expressing yourself as simply as possible and on developing and supporting your ideas.

Word Choice/Word Form/Usage

  • Some untrue or misleading information disperse in the sea of information unavoidably → It is inevitable that some untrue or misleading information will find its way into this sea of information  OR  It is only natural that some untrue or misleading information will be found in this sea of information.
  • Correctly treating various information before your eyes is not easy → Dealing with/sorting/handling/knowing how to use/knowing how to treat this information is not easy.
  • There are not universal standards to helps us judge → There are no universal standards to help us judge
  • We should not doubt internet has offered us more true and useful information for us. → We should not doubt that the internet has offered us a wealth of true and useful information.
  • Information on internet can not ensure hundred-percent reliance → information on the internet can not be relied upon one hundred percent  OR  We cannot rely fully on information from the internet.
  • though we can’t promise all of information is completely correct → though we can’t be sure that all of information is completely correct
  • Therefore, most readers still have trustful attitude → Therefore, most readers still trust the internet
  • These rules can reduce our damages → These rules can reduce the effect
  • make best use of it → make the best use of it

There is/there are

There is/there are can often be left out

You wrote:

  • There are many famous and successive websites which operate by shared information which are posted by enthusiasts.

Many famous and successful websites which share information are operated by enthusiasts.  OR   Many famous and successful run by enthusiasts and experts share information.

Shorten/Simplify/Punctuation

You wrote:

  • Furthermore, internet is one of the great inventions in the world, which is original expected to more efficiently share and disseminate information

The comma here is not correct. Let’s delete the ‘greatest invention’ bit:

Furthermore, the internet was designed/invented originally to share/disseminate information efficiently.

Overall, it's one of the best essays you've written in terms of structure, development of ideas, word choice, and accuracy.

July 30, 2012
10:03 pm
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thanks admin. actully, the readability of this eaasy scored a low mark compared with essays i posted last week. so your comment make me suprised. i feel it is a long way for me to get a good readibility and good discussion, ideas and structure. second i think appropriate using words need a process of long term writing exercises and re-understanding some words' meaning.  however your comments are my most helpfuf way to improve it. 

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