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What problems does youth unemployment cause for individuals and society?
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August 12, 2012
11:52 pm
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Nowadays in many countries after leaving school, the youngsters are hard to find jobs. What problems would the youth unemployment cause for the individual and for the society. What measures should be taken to reduce the level of youth unemployment? (8.12 ielts task2)

 

 

Since 2008, many countries have been in economy recession, which leads to a large number of unemployment among young people. Either individuals or society as a whole has suffered tragic trouble arisen by unemployment. This essay will analyze this big headache and offer some possible solutions to for jobless young people.

First, jobless make young people face survival trouble because they don’t have their own savings, pension or any possessions to fill their stomachs. Young unemployed people may not have certain employment years to claim unemployment insurance. Even more badly, some new graduates can only gain financial help from their parents. Many families fell into crisis because their parents need to raise them by their pension or low salaries. Second, some young jobless may commit in order to earn money. When new graduates are forced to stay at home because of not be able to get their first work contract, they will exploit any opportunity to earn money for survival. They may ignore regulations or be willing to take higher risk to make money. This can threaten others’ interests and possession security. Criminal rate will rise, such as gamble, theft or fraud. The whole society will become turmoil and economy recovery becomes remote.

However, facing unavoidable troubles, government should firstly take some measures to reduce negative influences. Government can use tax leverage, interest means to help young people create business opportunities and self employment. Young people can go back campus to learn new knowledge preparing for economy recovery. Also, young people can work abroad where they are wanted. Once young people have their jobs or loved career some crazy or incorrect methods for money can disappeared to great extent.

In conclusion, unemployment can bring troubles to victims, unemployed young people themselves, and society because young jobless will focus on money for their hungry stomachs, which may damage others. Therefore government should use every possible means to help them and young people learn to adapt to reality by updating knowledge or migrate to new places for survival.

August 13, 2012
1:18 pm
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Dear ma-frank,

Your essay is organised and written well and I am giving my views according to me.

Please correct me if I am wrong.

My Comments:

Word count: 336

Pros:
1. Good Intro
2. Linking words used
3. Addressed all the questions as demanded from essay.
4. Organised well.

Cons:
1. Limit words upto 260 - 275

2. Second paragraph too long, should have given new line after after 68th word from word Second occuring

3. Regarding Line: "Second, some young jobless may commit in order to earn money":
a. What they want to commit?

4. Few more ideas can be given for 'should be taken to reduce the level of youth unemployment'
a. Youth to be encouraged by taking teaching job till market recovers.
b. Government Involving youth in social jobs.
c. Companies should keep reseve places for freshers and infact ask them to do project, so once the market is up they can be recruited.

5. Regarding Line: "Also, young people can work abroad where they are wanted"
a. As mentioned 2008 was global recession, so how young people can work abroad, as the first chance will be given to their local people
b. Even in abroad the first preference is give to experiences and expertise people, so they need to climb the ladder first

August 13, 2012
2:27 pm
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Hey, frank

 

Since 2008, many countries have been in economy recession, which leads to a large number of unemployment among young people. Either individuals or society as a whole has suffered tragic trouble arisen by unemployment. This essay will analyze this big headache (of what) and offer some possible solutions to for jobless young people.

First, jobless make young people face survival trouble because they don’t not have their own savings, pension or any possessions to fill their stomachs.(well, i dont think saving and pension related to greedy) Young unemployed people may not have certain employment years to claim unemployment insurance. Even more badly, some new graduates can only gain financial help (assistance would be better) from their parents. Many families fell into crisis because their parents need to raise them by their pension or low salaries. Second, some young jobless people may commit crimes (u lose the n. here) in order to earn (earn is incorrect, rob and stole can call earn?) money. When new graduates are forced to stay at home because of they are not be able to get their first work contract, they will exploit (exploit, huh, I dont think its right, while i m not sure. i ll use seek here) any opportunityies to earn money for survival. They may ignore regulations or and be willing to take higher risk to make money. This can be threaten to others’ interests (crime hurts interest? i dont think it make sense) and possession security. Criminal Crime rate will rise, such as gamble, theft or and fraud. The whole society will become turmoil and economy recovery becomes remote.

However, facing unavoidable troubles (u lose wome words here), government should firstly take some measures to reduce negative influences. Government can use tax leverage,and interest means to help young people create business opportunities and self employment. Young people can go back to campus to learn new knowledge (incorrect, knowledge can prepare recovery? i guess u lose subject here) preparing for economy recovery. Also, young people can work abroad where they are wanted (just want is okay). Once young people have their jobs or loved career, some crazy or incorrect methods for earn money can disappeared to great extent. (lose comma, the punctuation is important. if u lose it, the comprehend ability of reader would fall in trouble)

In conclusion, unemployment can bring troubles to victims, - unemployed young people themselves and society. Because young jobless people or jobless youths will focus on money for their hungry stomachs, which may damage others. (i dont think one person hungry hurts others.) Therefore government should use every possible means to help them and young people learn to adapt to reality by updating knowledge or migrate to new places for survival. (in the no money status, who can mirgate and relocate to other spots. I guess u should say government should lend money to them, increase their salary and pension)

 

Overall, ur thaught and idea is great. BUT some luxical choice is incorrect and some grammar and punctuarion problems exist in your essay. U use some old phrases, maybe u can change.

 

Best regards,

 

David

August 13, 2012
3:41 pm
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David - Amazing review by you and infact I also gather some points from your views. Great Man.

August 13, 2012
11:39 pm
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sorry, david and kk , i don't have time to response your comments, but i rewrite: especially PARA 2 and 3. thank your comments.

 

Since 2008, many countries have been in economy recession, which leads to a large number of unemployment among young people. Either individuals or society as a whole has suffered tragic trouble arisen by unemployment. This essay will analyze this big headache and offer some possible solutions to for jobless young people.

First, jobless make young people face survival trouble because they may not have sufficient savings and can not draw salaries monthly. Their parents or government are forced to bear extra burdens maintaining their basic living requirements. Second, some young jobless may commit in order to fill their stomachs. When young people lose their jobs, it is high probability they will exploit any opportunity to earn money. Consequently, they may ignore laws and regulations, which leads to penalties by laws and criticisms from society. The whole society will become turmoil and economy recovery will become remote.

 

Facing unavoidable troubles because of unemployment among young generation, government should firstly assist young people to have a job. A real job can reduce pressure on a family and society. Government can use tax leverage, interest means to help young people create business opportunities and self employment. Young people can go back campus to learn new knowledge preparing for economy recovery. Also, young people can work abroad if they are wanted. That will form a good circle benefiting more young people have their jobs and eliminate troubles due to unemployment.

In conclusion, unemployment can bring troubles to victims, unemployed young people themselves, and society because young jobless will focus on money for their hungry stomachs, forgetting ethic and laws. Therefore government and jobless young man should work hard together to create jobs opportunities and supportive environment, which will finally relieve employment pressure.

August 14, 2012
1:06 am
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hi frank, 

 

i like your essay but i would like to make few suggestions:

1) please organize your reasoning especially what are the problems youth face due to unemployment and than answer to how cope up or cure it 

a) pressure from family, peer-pressure as job is the only criteria to judge one's success rate - site example - like your neighbor's son did not get job even after graduating from one of the best engineering college so he is considered as loser despite scoring good marks.

b) certain students study by taking loans - how to pay back and interest will keep increasing - e.g. recent studies shows that in USA 45% foreign students failed to pay their loans.

c) forced to take up jobs which are not up to the level or pay very less - shattered their dreams and no monetary appreciation for their academic achievement - cite e.g. law schools like Harvard, yale failed to ensure 100% placement and many foreign students did not get job in best law firms as quoted by WSJ.

 

Solution:

a) retirement age should be lowered so that young people get those jobs - for e.g from 60 yrs to 58yrs (2yrs can also make change)

b) education loan should be make available at lower rate and also investment in new industries should be promoted (give e.g.)

c) invest money in infrastructure development as generate employment at high scale 

d) educational programs should be modified as per industry requirements.

e)  promote entrepreneurship instead job security/ as-surety or security attitude because youth is about facing challenges and not living secured life so make youth confident that they can fight recession problem. 

 

2) Lastly, I would like to say please do use as many examples to justify your reasoning 

 

let me know if you find it useful.

 

thanks  

August 14, 2012
1:37 am
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Hi

here a possible rewrite:( I tried to to be loyal to the original text)

Too many countries have plunged into economic recession since 2008, which led to a large number of unemployment among young people.  Both individuals and a society have been suffering from difficulties arisen by unemployment. This essay will analyze these problems and offer some possible solution to address the joblessness of young people.

The first problem that jobless young people might face is losing their income. There is no doubt that handling life appears extremely hard to young people. They even might have no enough employment years to benefit from unemployment insurance. When it comes to fresh graduates it gets even worse, as their parents should bear financial burdens. And in this makes hard to living for many families who just earn low income or live on a state passion. Second, unemployment might lead to commit crimes. It is likely that those jobless young people, who failed to find jobs, inevitably breach the law or even contribute to more serious illegal activities such as bank robbery or even murder.

To tackle this problem some measures should put into practice. Firstly, much more jobs should be created. For this, government can impose financial motivation such as cut taxes for those enterprises who act as an entrepreneurship. Secondly, state can help new graduates through providing low-interest loans to run their own business. And the last, the rate of unemployment could be reduced through immigration. In some countries, such as Turkey and Pakistan, for years the government was running agencies to help unemployment work abroad.

As outlined above, unemployment can cause some problems such as severe financial problems both for individuals and their parents, and the increasing of the crime committing by jobless youngsters. Government could reduce this through some practice such as giving financial incentives to companies to create more jobs or hiring new graduates and or even finding new places to work.

 

 

August 14, 2012
2:58 pm
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thanks all of you:

to KK, i have reduced the length of the essay, please read my up-dated one

david:  i feel i have much discussions with you:

1  fill their stomachs : mean people don't have money have dinner, not means greedy

2 commit: has meaning "If someone commits a crime or a sin, they do something illegal or bad". thanks revision

 

brain and cracktoefl:

 

 you offer me pretty good ideals and fluent english, i have stored your comments on my collection files. thanks for nutritional suggestions.

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