Hi Katiss, Brian!
Nice to have you back Katiss, and thanks for this essay. It's fine. Brian has spotted a couple of things and made some good comments.
Moreover, watching TV is a passive way to spend time with no social interaction. While this point is not so much about computers, physical exercise and playing with other children are essential activities for a healthy development. Spending a lot of time in front of computer or TV screens limit’s a child time for such activities.
The phrase 'this point is not so much about computers' really stopped me in my tracks. I had to think about it and wonder what you were referring to. It's probably best to leave it out completely. Here's the paragraph with some minor rewrites:
Moreover, watching TV is a passive way to spend time. Physical exercise and social interaction such as playing with other children are essential activities for healthy development. Spending a lot of time in front of TV or computer screens limits a child's time for such activities.
(Watch out for those possessives and 's' - verbs don't need apostrophes!)
Brian was a bit tough on you regarding your third paragraph. I thought it was OK, but I kind of get what he is saying.
Watching TV or using a computer can be addictive, even for adults. Parents must prevent their children from developing bad habits, like spending a lot of their time in front of the TV, early on. Not only should parents strictly limit their childrens' screen time, they also need to be role models. Certainly, younger children will need more guidance, while teenagers can be given more responsibility in how they spend their time.
Maybe we can rewrite it so that the 'role model' idea comes earlier and the link or development is clearer:
Watching TV or using a computer can be addictive, even for adults. Rather than just limiting their children's screen time, parents need to be role models themselves and take part in different activities. Children from spending a lot of their time in front of the TV. Certainly, younger children will need more guidance, while teenagers can be given more responsibility in how they spend their time.
What do you think, Katiss?
Brian is right, though about 'especially' - it's better in the middle of a sentence, after the subject. There's advice here and here, but instead of worrying about it, I'd use 'in particular.' Or I'd rewrite the entire sentence.
Younger children especially benefit from constant guidance.
Add a few short sentences. This will reduce the average length of your sentences (a bit high at 17.11), and a few short statements can be very effective. You have one already:
Watching TV or using a computer can be addictive, even for adults.
All things consideres ==> All things considered
Their childrens' screen time ==> Their children's screen time
So even if the content watched is age adequate and educational watching it for too long can be harmful for a child. ==> So even if the content watched is age-adequate and educational, watching it for too long can be harmful for a child.
Possessives, Plurals, and Apostrophes
Katiss - You seem to be puzzled by apostrophes and possessives! Find a grammar book or webpage and solve this problem for one and for all. An hour will clear it up for ever!
- http://www.eflnet.com/grammar/possessives.php (not sure about question 7!
Basically, (1) if it's a verb, no apostrophe, (2) if it's a plural, no apostrophe, (3) if it belongs to someone, there's an apostrophe, (4) if it belongs to a group or a plural, there's an apostrophe, (5) if letters like 'i' or 'ha' are missing there's an apostrophe and (6) if it's a plural noun, no apostrophe.
- A sensible parent limits (1) a child's (3) TV time.
- The boys (2) were playing.
- The children's (4) room is a mess.
- It's (4) easy to understand.
- The boy's (3) bicycle was stolen.
- Children's (4) toys are quite expensive.
- Parents (6) today have a lot of pressure.
- The girls (6) are in the boys' (4) bedroom, cleaning up after their messy brothers. (6)
- He plays (1) a lot of computer games (2) at his friends' (4) houses.(6)
- He's (5) famous for his collection of CDs (6)
- NGOs (6) such as Oxfam and the Red Cross help millions (6)
- The United Nations' (4) headquarters (6) is in New York.
- My sister's (3) very athletic. She's (5) run the New York marathon three times (6).
- My uncles (6) are old men now, but my Uncle Fred's (3) world record for ice-skating still stands (1), and his brother Bill's (3) record for skiing was only broken ten years (6) ago.