Hi Brian and Alison

Thanks for the essay and comments.

Overall, Brian I think the essay is fine.

I would prefer one more idea in each body paragraph. There are two in Paragraph Two -  (to help unemployed people, to prevent crime) and  two in Paragraph Three (to narrow the gap in society, to provide more facilities for the public). I think three is always a good number to aim for!

I agree with Alison about ‘introduce’ and ‘fractional.’   In your third paragraph, I would change ‘close’ to ‘narrow the gap’ or ‘reduce the gap’ or ‘ensure that everyone has a reasonable standard of living’

Try to avoid sentences which could be used in a million essays:

Below are some reasons to support [my idea].

Here’s one possible rewrite:

In my essay, I will suggest that taxes prevent social unrest and crime and help governments improve living standards for all.  

Shorten/Simplify

For example, those people who lose their earning capabilities because of injuries, diseases or disabilities can be entitled to use this tax to handle their situation well. (27 words)

People who lose their jobs because of injury or illness can still take care of their families.  (17 words)

Not Only…But Also

You wrote:

Not only taxation helps the government to carry out a various functions in a country, but also it does help taxpayers to…

Here’s one possible rewrite:

Not only does taxation help the government to carry out vital functions in the country, it also helps taxpayers to…  OR

Taxation not only helps governments.... it also helps taxpayers....

I am officially banning ‘Not only/But also’ and all its relatives from this forum. It’s very hard to get right, and people don’t use it that much.

As usual, a big thanks to Alison for her comments and some very good rewrites.

Should we explain everything?

Alison asked if it is necessary to add an explanation of something as well known as tax.

It’s a difficult question to answer. If something is obvious, then it is a little insulting or pointless to explain it, but sometimes you do need to give the background or a definition.

There’s no rule really, except perhaps to avoid wasting valuable words from your 250 on explanations of very obvious ideas or terms.