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Can tourism lead to conflict, rather than understanding?
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April 22, 2012
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International tourism is now the biggest industry in the world. Unfortunately, it brings tension rather than understanding between the people from different cultures. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?


People in different regions must have their own traditional cultures and rules, but the large tourisms from other countries always bring enormous stresses to local resident. However, in my own country, the tourism industry is the best way to release tension and cultivate the relationship from countries to countries. This essay will indicates some several reasons for why I disagree with this opinion.

Some countries, such as The United Stated, India, and Thailand all of them have their specific belief, tradition and some serious taboos. Sometimes, tourists visiting results in unpredictable conflicts. For instance, visiting might annoy the local’s regular life and tradition. Besides, some visitors who are lake of conscience would break the most importantly precious heritage then the war occurs. As consequence, there is isolation from foreigner to the local people.

On the other hand, I strongly disagree that the tourism industry contributes to pressure on other countries rather than knowing each other. Take my own country for example. People always expect that the tourist come to travel and realize how exquisite my country is. In terms of relationship, the more tourists come, the more experience can be enriched. Moreover, tourism business is not only close the gap between people but also influences the economy. Finally, the ideas of tourism create some opportunity to unemployed people who can work on the tourist attraction, such as Thailand, tourist play a crucial role in Thailand economics. Thailand’s government promotes their tourist spots as commercialization. It helps the needy can live in comfort and relieve from the poor line.

To conclude, though people might think that the tourism practice always insults the locals, I still believe that as people can interact with local resident. The strain  and pressure can be easily broken.       

April 29, 2012
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Thanks Nick for this essay!.

Articles/Plurals/Word Form

  • The international tourism is now the biggest industry in the world → 
  • International tourism is now the biggest industry in the world.
  • The large tourisms from other countries → The large numbers of tourists from other countries
  • Tourist play a crucial role in Thailand economics.  → 
  • Tourists play a crucial role in Thailand’s economy.  OR 
  • Tourism plays a crucial role in Thailand’s economy.

 

Subject/Verb Agreement

  • The large tourisms from other countries always bring enormous stress to local resident.→
    The large number of foreign tourists brings enormous stress to local residents. OR
    Large numbers of foreign tourists cause stress for local residents.
  • Moreover, tourism business is not only close the gap between people but also influences the economy. →
    Moreover, tourism not only closes the gap between people, but also benefits the economy.

Specify!

This essay will indicates some several reasons for why I disagree with this opinion.

This sentence could be used in a million essays. Let’s change it so that it is specific to this topic

This essay will outline several reasons why I feel tourism can bring people together and increase understanding.

Clarify

  • Thailand’s government promotes their tourist spots as commercialization. It helps the needy can live in comfort and relieve from the poor line. →
    Thailand’s government is very active in promoting tourism. The millions of visitors the country receives each year provide jobs for people who might otherwise might be living in poverty.  

Repeated subject

  • Some countries, such as The United Stated, India, and Thailand all of them have their specific belief, tradition

Most countries have specific beliefs, traditions, and culture.

Examples

  • Take my own country for example. People always expect that the tourist come to travel and realize how exquisite my country is.

Great Nick -  but tell us! What country is that? Where are you? Don’t make us work!

Take my own country, Thailand, for example.

Avoid Generalizations

Besides, some visitors who are lake of conscience would destroy the most important precious heritage then the war occurs

Be careful not to exaggerate or generalize. Very very few wars start because a tourist does something wrong in a country. Perhaps there’s a fist-fight or a brawl or perhaps a police case. But a busload of Chinese grandmothers visiting Thailand is unlikely to start World War Three, unless it’s at the lunch buffet.

  • Though people might think that the tourism practice always insults the local →
    Although some people might think that tourism insults local beliefs

Coherence and Cohesion

Coherence and Cohesion is what IELTS calls flow. Do the sentences flow from one to the next? It’s 25% of the grade. Your sentences have to follow each other logically and build on each other. Here, you write:

As consequence, there is isolation from foreigner to the local people.

In the sentence before this we had ‘war.’ Now we have  ‘isolation’   It’s not logical. There’s nothing wrong with your idea of locals and tourists being isolated from each other. It just needs to be logically organized. Here’s one possible paragraph:

Many residents have very little interaction with foreign tourists. They see the luxury buses going by. They see the busy five-star hotels and the crowds of visitors with tour guides and the latest cameras and phones outside the attractions. But they rarely speak to or engage with the foreigners. In this situation/As a consequence, particularly if the locals do not earn a lot of money, it is easy to feel resentful of the visitors’ wealth or just to feel isolated from them.

Unclear

People always expect that the tourist come to travel and realize how exquisite my country is.

Could this be rewritten like this?

Thailand is a world-famous tourist destination for its beauty, culture, food, and people.

I think the more examples you give, and the more specific the example are, the better. Tell us about your country, and give real examples! 

August 6, 2012
12:04 am
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International tourism is now the biggest industry in the world. Unfortunately, it brings tension rather than understanding between the people from different cultures. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

Millions and billions of people move from one country to another every year. This process has really broadened the horizon of people’s mind towards the culture of different country. However, some people worry that this would rather create misunderstanding between the nations. I do not completely agree that tourism only brings conflict instead there are various advantages and disadvantages as well.

International tourism can bring enormous benefits to the host country. Firstly, as we can see millions and billions of people going annually for sightseeing or sunbathing in the beaches in various country, this would open the door of employment opportunities in various aspects like transportation, accommodation and entertainment. Secondly, tourism may be an opportunity for the country to create awareness about the multi cultural identities of a particular nation. For example, foreigner may expand their knowledge about the cultural enrichment after their visit to Nepal. Furthermore, some country may completely rely on this industry for their livelihood. This, in fact may be the attraction of the huge multinational investment. Overall, these all stimulate the economic development of that particular country where the people travel to.

On the other hand, there are some points why people think that the movement of people from one country to another may develop negative relationship between the two countries. As the international tourism is being massively commercialized the state is building the pubs, resorts and entertainment complexes at the rapid rate which actually is impossible without deforestation and spoiling beaches. These had leaded the life of wild animals and rare plant species vulnerable for extinction. The other thing is that the more influx of tourists means more production of wastes which put a strain on the local resources of the particular nation. At the same time, people especially youngsters are easily influenced by the lifestyle of these tourists like the way they talk, wear and eat. In addition, they may bring ill social practices such as alcoholism, prostitution and lack of respect to their elders.

Taking all these above into consideration, I conclude saying that international tourism obviously may have negative influence on the host country however, what i like to stress out is that people should never stop moving from one place to another  instead  they should be cautious that it should not cause damage to the culture and environment of that host country.

August 6, 2012
9:09 am
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HI essays,

i'm not really good in writing especially in English but here some opinions :).

In your 2nd para,

not really related to the question "....brings tension rather than understanding..." More to tourism +ve impact in general. Should be focus on how tourism can release tension among nations.

Thanks.Feel free to comments my essays too 🙂

August 6, 2012
3:39 pm
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hello ammat,

thank you for reading my essay. yeah I also think that would be off topic but all these neative points eventually do develop unfavourable atmosphere which creates tension between these two countries. So I thought of inseritng these negative pionts for the downside of international tourism. What do you think these would have an effect on my scores???????????? Is it really noticeably offside or will they consider these a bit???????????? anyway thanx a lot.

Obviously I will be commenting or reading your essays as well. DO keep writing........................

Best of luck to both of us....................

essays.

August 7, 2012
1:51 pm
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HELLO HELLO!!!!

August 8, 2012
8:55 am
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Hi Essays

You wrote:

HELLO HELLO!!!!

Perhaps if we all shared the work more essays would get comments.

I've some comments ready for you but here's a quick preview:

  1. Average sentence length: 20 (too long -  needs to be between 12 to 15 words. Just look at the conclusion for an example Read more about conclusions here. 
  2. Articles/Plurals: at least six errors
  3. Punctuation: Run-on sentences and comma splices: See "punctuation may be faulty" in the official descriptors for IELTS Task 2 Writing (public version) here
  4. Generic phrases
  • Taking all these above into consideration
  • there are some points why people think 
  • there are various advantages and disadvantages as well

Have a look and consider a repost. 

August 8, 2012
1:54 pm
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Here are some comment on Essays' essay. 

Punctuation

You have a run-on sentence here:

  • I do not completely agree that tourism only brings conflict instead there are various advantages and disadvantages as well.  → I do not agree that tourism only brings conflict. Instead there are various advantages and disadvantages as well.

It’s easy to fix -  just use a full stop. Read more about Fragments, run-on sentences and Comma Splices here.

Here’s a comma splice. The length of the sentence should warn you that there is a problem:

  • Firstly, as we can see millions and billions of people going annually for sightseeing or sunbathing in the beaches in various country, this would open the door of employment opportunities in various aspects like transportation, accommodation and entertainment. (1 sentence, 38 words)

Again it’s easy to fix. Replace the comma with a full stop.

Every year, millions of people travel for sightseeing or for sun holidays. This opens the door for employment opportunities in tourist industries such as transportation, accommodation and entertainment. (2 sentences, 28 word, 14 words per sentence.) 

Word Choice/Word Form/Usage

  • Billions of people move millions of people travel [move implies a permanent move, e.g., for immigration. 
  • like the way they talk → for example, in the way they talk for
  • the more influx of tourists means more production of wastes → the greater the influx of tourists, the greater the production of waste    OR    the more tourists, the more waste

Articles/Plurals

  • create misunderstanding between the nations → create misunderstanding between nations
  • the culture of different country → the culture of different countries
  • in the beaches in various country  → on the beaches of various countries
  • the state is building the pubs, resorts and entertainment complexes at the rapid rate → companies and developers build pubs, resorts and entertainment complexes rapidly
  • For example, foreigner may expand their knowledge → For example, foreigners may expand their knowledge
  • As the international tourism is being massively commercialized → As international tourism is being massively commercialized

 

Clarify

You wrote:

I do not completely agree that tourism only brings conflict

This means that you agree about 90%. Let’s rewrite it, based on your statement in the conclusion that you believe tourism is good.

I disagree that tourism only brings conflict

You wrote:

These had leaded the life of wild animals and rare plant species vulnerable for extinction.

Here’s one possible rewrite:

Wild animals and rare plants may be threatened with extinction. 
OR   
Wild animals and rare plants may face extinction. 

Shorten/Simplify

  • Millions and billions of people → Millions of people
  • As we can see millions and billions of people going annually for sightseeing or sunbathing → Every year, millions of people travel for sightseeing or for the sun

You wrote:

  • Overall, these all stimulate the economic development of that particular country where the people travel to.

Here’s one possible rewrite:

Overall, these all stimulate the economic development of the host countries/destination countries/tourist destinations.

Here’s a 31-word sentence:

As the international tourism is being massively commercialized the state is building the pubs, resorts and entertainment complexes at the rapid rate which actually is impossible without deforestation and spoiling beaches.

Let shorten it drastically.

As tourism develops, hotels, resorts, entertainment complexes and bars shoot up, often damaging forests or spoiling beaches. (16 words)

Coherence and Cohesion

You wrote:

Furthermore, some country may completely rely on this industry for their livelihood. This, in fact may be the attraction of the huge multinational investment.

The connection between these two sentences is not clear. What is the link? What does ‘this’ in the second sentence refer to? For example, tourism is very important in Egypt, but does this lead to huge multinational investment, and if so how? What about Mauritius or Thailand?  We need an example because the link is not clear.

You wrote:

  • In addition, they may bring ill social practices such as alcoholism, prostitution and lack of respect to their elders.

Who does the pronoun ‘they’ refer to? Tourists or young people? It needs to be clearer. Let’s rewrite it

  1. As a result, young people may turn to alcohol or prostitution and lose respect for their elders.  OR
  2. The alcohol or prostitution associated with tourism may offend locals.

People think

Do you need ‘people think’ in this sentence?

On the other hand, there are some points why people think that the movement of people from one country to another may develop negative relationship between the two countries.

It’s 29 words. That’s too long.  What does “develop” a negative relationship mean?

On the other hand, tourism can also result in/lead to/cause friction/tension/disagreement/ antagonism/hostility between countries.

Specify! Generic Phrases/Sentences

You wrote:

  • instead there are various advantages and disadvantages as well.

Specify! Make every sentence relevant to the question. Here’s a possible rewrite:

Tourism can bring jobs, investment and pride in a country’s history and identity. However, it can also damage the environment and risk cultural conflicts.

You wrote:

  • On the other hand, there are some points why people think the movement of people from one country to another may develop negative relationship between the two countries. (28 words)

A lot of unnecessary words here and three phrases introducing the sentence. Let’s shorten it:

However, tourism can also damage relations between countries.  (8 words)

Conclusion

You have 60 words in one sentence in your conclusion. Do not have any sentence over 25 words, and alarm bells should start to ring at 20 words. Your average sentence length should be between 12 and 15 words.

A conclusion needs to summarize both sides, give your opinion and perhaps suggest something for the future (a recommendation, some advice or a warning). This needs at least two and possibly three sentences. You can read more about conclusions here. 

August 8, 2012
2:05 pm
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Hello Sir,

I was aware that I had made a lot of mistakes in this essay but I only wanted to be clarified. Thank you very much. I will soon try to rewrite it again and will post it. I will bring more essay as well. Well actually this was the question which i had faced in my exam but I end up with the advantages and disadvantages. As I was worried how it would be judged, hence I post it over here. Anyway, after all this I think I have to give the RE exam so I will surely be posting this again.

essay.

August 8, 2012
3:02 pm
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HELLO EVERYONE THIS IS THE SAME ESSAY WHICH I HAD REWRITE:

 

International tourism is now the biggest industry in the world. Unfortunately, it brings tension rather than understanding between the people from different cultures. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

Millions and billions of people enjoy travelling from one country to another every year. This process has really broadened the horizon of people’s mind towards the culture of different countries. Some people say that this would rather create misunderstanding between nations. I disagree that tourism only brings conflict instead there are both advantages and disadvantages as well.

International tourism can bring enormous benefits to the host country. Firstly, every year millions of people travel to relax by sightseeing or by sunbathing in the beaches. This opens the door of employment opportunities in tourist industries like transportation, accommodation and entertainment. Secondly, tourism may be an opportunity for the country to create awareness about the multi cultural identities of a particular nation. For example, foreigners may expand their knowledge about the cultural enrichment after their visit to Nepal. Furthermore, some country may completely rely on this industry for their livelihood. Tourism industry can also attract the huge multinational investment for that small country. Overall, these all stimulate the economic development of the tourist destination countries.

On the other hand, there are some points that the movement of people from one country to another may develop negative relationship between the two countries. As the international tourism is being massively commercialized, building pubs, resorts and entertainment complexes is impossible without deforestation and spoiling beaches. Therefore, the wild animals and rare plant species may be vulnerable for extinction. The other thing is that the more tourists, the more wastes produce which put a strain on the local resources of the particular nation. At the same time, people especially youngsters are easily influenced by the lifestyle of these tourists such as, in the way they talk, wear and eat. As a result, younger ones may turn to alcohol, prostitution and lose respect for their elders.

In conclusion, tourism can bring jobs, investment and pride in a country’s history and identity whereas it can also damage the environment and risk cultural conflicts. However, people should not stop travelling from one country to another and be careful not to threaten environment and culture of their destination.

August 8, 2012
3:41 pm
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Hi Essays

I've highlighted the areas below where I made suggestions earlier but which are still problematic in your rewrite.

You are, of course, perfectly free to ignore any suggestions. But I recommend that you take time to consider not just the suggestions but the reason why they were made (run-ons, comma splices, generic phrasing, repetition, vagueness, sentence length, redundancy).

This particular essay is history: it's your next one that matters. The important thing is not so much fixing the mistakes somehow in the old one but in being able to avoid them in the next essay.

What is the RE exam?

 

Millions and billions of people enjoy travelling from one country to another every year. This process has really broadened the horizon of people’s mind towards the culture of different countries. Some people say that this would rather create misunderstanding between nations. I disagree that tourism only brings conflict instead there are both advantages and disadvantages as well.

International tourism can bring enormous benefits to the host country. Firstly, every year millions of people travel to relax by sightseeing or by sunbathing in the beaches. This opens the door of employment opportunities in tourist industries like transportation, accommodation and entertainment. Secondly, tourism may be an opportunity for the country to create awareness about the multi cultural identities of a particular nation. For example, foreigners may expand their knowledge about the cultural enrichment after their visit to Nepal. Furthermore, some country may completely rely on this industry for their livelihood. Tourism industry can also attract the huge multinational investment for that small country. Overall, these all stimulate the economic development of the tourist destination countries.

On the other hand, there are some points that the movement of people from one country to another may develop negative relationship between the two countries. As the international tourism is being massively commercialized, building pubs, resorts and entertainment complexes is impossible without deforestation and spoiling beaches. Therefore, the wild animals and rare plant species may be vulnerable for extinction. The other thing is that the more tourists, the more wastes produce which put a strain on the local resources of the particular nation. At the same time, people especially youngsters are easily influenced by the lifestyle of these tourists such as, in the way they talk, wear and eat. As a result, younger ones may turn to alcohol, prostitution and lose respect for their elders.

In conclusion, tourism can bring jobs, investment and pride in a country’s history and identity whereas it can also damage the environment and risk cultural conflicts. However, people should not stop travelling from one country to another and be careful not to threaten environment and culture of their destination.

August 8, 2012
6:43 pm
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Hello sir,

Thank you again for highlighting my mistakes. I meant to say that seeing all those mistakes it is for sure that I would not be able to achieve my required scores in ielts examination that i had taken. So i would obviously had to take another test. my luck.... hah..... Anyways, I would be trying hard no matter how many times I had to sit for the same exam.

And here is the essay again:

Millions of people enjoy travelling from one country to another every year. This process has really broadened the horizon of people’s mind towards the culture of different countries. Some people say that this would rather create misunderstanding between nations. I partly agree with the view that tourism brings conflict instead there are both advantages and disadvantages.

International tourism can bring enormous benefits to the host country. Firstly, every year millions of people travel to relax by sightseeing or by sunbathing in the beaches. This opens the door of employment opportunities in tourist industries like transportation, accommodation and entertainment. Secondly, tourism may be an opportunity for the country to create awareness about the multi cultural identities of a particular nation. For example, foreigners may expand their knowledge about the cultural enrichment after their visit to Nepal. Furthermore, some country may completely rely on this industry for their livelihood. Tourism industry can also attract the huge multinational investment for that small country. Overall, these all stimulate the economic development of the tourist destination countries.

On the other hand,  the movement of people from one country to another may develop negative relationship between the two countries. As the international tourism is being massively commercialized, building pubs, resorts and entertainment complexes is impossible without deforestation and spoiling beaches. Therefore, the wild animals and rare plant species may be threatened with extinction. The other thing is that the greater the influx of tourists, the greater the production of wastes which put a strain on the local resources of the particular nation. At the same time, people especially youngsters are easily influenced by the lifestyle of these tourists such as, the way they talk, wear and eat. As a result, younger ones may turn to alcohol, prostitution and lose respect for their elders.

In conclusion, tourism can bring jobs, investment and pride in a country’s history and identity while it can also damage the environment and risk cultural conflicts. However, people should not stop travelling from one country to another and be careful not to threaten environment and culture of their destination.

August 9, 2012
12:56 pm
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Hi Essays

Let's slow down here and look at just two points slowly.  

Word Choice/Coherence and Cohesion

You wrote:

The movement of people from one country to another may develop negative relationship between the two countries.

How can 'movement' develop 'a negative relationship'?  What is a 'negative relationship'? These are not good word choices. They are fluffy and inaccurate. Have a look at Coherence and Cohesion and at Lexical Resource in the descriptors.

  • The relationship between two countries can deteriorate
  • Relations between Country X and Country Y can be strained/ can become strained/can suffer/can deteriorate/can be put under stress /can cool 
  • Tensions between X and Y can rise/increase due to...
  • Large numbers of tourists can place a strain on the infrastructure of a host city
  • An influx of tourists can test the patience of locals /can lead to tensions with locals, particularly if...
  • Relations between locals and visitors can become strained

Run-On Sentence (Punctuation)

This is a run-on sentence. It's wrong. 

  • Tourism brings conflict instead there are both advantages and disadvantages.

It's easy to fix run-on sentences. Break the 'sentence' up by adding a full stop. Here's a quiz you can try.

However, in your sentence, 'conflict' is a disadvantage. There's no need to repeat 'disadvantages' in the second sentence. Here's a suggested solution for the incorrect sentence in your essay. You will note that the change is not just cosmetic:

  • Tourism can lead to cultural misunderstandings or even tension. However, it also can lead to improved understanding and greater cultural awareness and acceptance between visitors and locals.

Finally, I see no reason why you can't get a good score in IELTS. What band do you need, and when?

August 9, 2012
1:30 pm
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Hello Sir,

I got it. Sorry, I am repeating the same mistakes again and again. Thank you for the examples which are really helpful. So,

  • movement= travelling
  • may develop negative relationships= may deteriorate the relationships
  • introduction sentence had run on sentences which mean there are two senctences in one sentence with the repetition of meaning. AM I right? like tourism brings conflict is one sentecnce. There are both advantages and disadvantages is the second sentences. And conflict and disadvantages is the repetition of the meaning.!!!!!!!

Well, I had taken the exam on 28 of July and I need at least seven in each section. Infact this is my fifth times. hmm.... Mine story is also the similar kind of thousands of others who are struggling with the ielts.

essay!!!!

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