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Should spending on health be diverted from treatment to education and prevention?
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December 29, 2011
3:54 pm
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“Prevention is better than cure”. Out of a country’s health budget, a large proportion should be diverted from treatment to spending on health education and preventative measures. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement? (Cambridge IELTS 2)

 

Many economists claim that it is more economical for the state if their people are more healthy and do not suffer from serious diseases. That's why the government should pay due consideration on enlightening people about leading healthy lifestyles.

For example, a lot of health-oriented programs have been launched for the last ten years in the Russian Federation. They encourage people to live healthy lives. These programs are supported and funded by the governments. Top-level scientists in the field of medicine explain all repercussions causes by smoking, drinking spirits, overeating, eating junk food and so on. According to the statistics, since the launch of these programs expenditures on curing people have dwindled considerably.

The other way of encouraging people to live healthy lives is newspapers and social advertisements.

It is proved by scientists that there is link between cancer and smoking. People who do not smoke less suffer from cancer. For example, recently there have been an experiment. Two hundred people addicted to smoking were offered to watch a social advertisement about smoking during two weeks. This social advertisement contained harrowing videos and photos showing the effect of smoking on people's body. After the experiment almost four fifth of testees gave up smoking.

By the way, school are going to have compulsory lessons devoted to health in the curriculum.

In summary, population is the main aspect of existing of any state. Healthy population can be describes as a driving force of the economy. The more people are healthy the more money will be saved and can be spend on other aspects of life. Taking into consideration the above facts, the government certainly should allocate some money to educate the public about consequences of having unhealthy habits.

December 31, 2011
7:08 pm
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It is excellent

nice use of mature words

January 4, 2012
1:42 pm
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Hi Milaniyamiila and thanks for this essay.

A couple of small edits:

    1. the government should pay due consideration on to enlightening people about leading healthy lifestyles
    2. Top-level scientists in the field of medicine explain all repercussions causes by the repercussions of smoking, drinking spirits, overeating, eating junk food and so on.
    3. testees -  it's correct but not common (and will make most 14-year-olds laugh, due to a similarity in sound to 'testes'). Perhaps you could use the word "participants" or "subjects"
    4. Milaniyamiila  - do you have a clearer explanation for 'social advertisments'? I'm not really sure what you mean.

    The more, the more:

    Try to have the same grammatical structure (e.g. a noun, a noun phrase, a participle, etc) after each of the 'mores':

    The more people are healthy the more money will be saved and can be spend on other aspects of life.

    change to

    The healthier the population, the more money that can be saved and spent on other aspects of life, such as education or housing. OR 

    The greater the number of healthy people, the more money that can be saved and spent on other aspects of life, such as education or housing.

     Paragraph Organization

    I would make a change in the organization of these sentences:

    The other way of encouraging people to live healthy lives is newspapers and social advertisements.

    It is proved by scientists that there is link between cancer and smoking. People who do not smoke less suffer from cancer. For example, recently there have been an experiment. Two hundred people addicted to smoking were offered to watch a social advertisement about smoking during two weeks.

    I would omit the second and third sentences ("It is proved...", "People who do not smoke...") and join up the first single sentence with the paragraph: 

    The other way of encouraging people to live healthy lives is through newspapers and social advertisements. For example, in a recent experiment, two hundred people addicted to smoking were offered asked/allowed/made to watch a social advertisement about smoking for two weeks...

    Conclusion:

    I would shorten your conclusion slightly:

    In summary, population is the main aspect of existing of any state. Healthy population can be describes as a driving force of the economy. The more people are healthy the more money will be saved and can be spend on other aspects of life. Taking into consideration the above facts, the government certainly should allocate some money to educate the public about consequences of having unhealthy habits.

    This could change to: 

    In summary, a healthy population can be described as the driving force of an economy. The healthier the population, the more money that can be saved and spent on other aspects of life, such as education or housing. Taking this into consideration, the government certainly should allocate some money to educate the public about the consequences of having unhealthy habits.

    Overall, a clear and well-written essay. 

    January 5, 2012
    9:51 pm
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    Thanks a lot You are very helpful

    social advertisement means a clip which encourage people to useful things such as not to smoke

    to be a teetotaller and so own

    May 12, 2012
    8:05 am
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