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Should women over 40 become pregnant?
Topic Rating: 0 Topic Rating: 0 Topic Rating: 0 Topic Rating: 0 Topic Rating: 0 Topic Rating: 0 (0 votes) 
May 18, 2012
8:55 am
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It's true that getting pregnancy over 40 can be endangered for the mother and baby as well. However, the modern life made so many women become too busy to be pregnant. For instance, Halle Berry born the first baby at age of 41, and cheered the second baby at 43 years old. Julianne Moore and Celine Dion also had the extra baby at 41 and 42 years old. It looks like Hollywood has made pregnancy over 40 become a trend for women. Nevertheless, if any women who want to be pregnant with 40, they should do everything to guarantee safety of the baby and them.

 

Pregnancy is one of the most marvelous things in the world because not every woman can be pregnant, and what would happen to the humanity if women can’t be pregnant? There is a lot of wonderful things make reasons to be pregnant. Some research has proven that, women will be prettier when they’re carrying offspring. Their hair is glossier; skin is smoother and ruddier because of the hormones which secrete from the body during the process of pregnancy. When women are pregnant, they receive several maternity benefits of government and community as well. Expectant mothers have maternity leaves, which mean they can rest comfortably with statutory maternity pay from work until the baby born. Moreover, being pregnant could motivate couples to marriage and warm up a family, bring joyfulness to family members. However, the main reason when women want a baby is family that tells them where they’re belonged to, where they could love and be loved.

 

People usually think the only way to get pregnancy is sex between a man and women who is a natural way to get pregnancy. Nowadays, scientists discover that it's not easy to get pregnancy as well as to have a fine child, especially over 40. So, how to get pregnancy over 40? And what are natural ways to get pregnancy? First, to get pregnancy, women have to be in a good condition of metal and body. For example, if she drinking too much beer, smoke a least two cigarette a day, she also has a brittle temper which mean she can get mad easily. Thus, by science proof, she would have a reduced fertility. Hence, especially for women, who are 40 and over, should have an everyday nourishing meal, do exercise moderately, breathe as much fresh air as possible. Future mother should have a good life before giving baby the best life.

 

As we know that, being pregnant over the age of 40 is dangerous and get pregnancy at 50 is more than risky. Women who are with child over 40 could get high blood pressure and diabetes. Besides, the risk of miscarriage is very high. The jeopardy comes from high blood pressure, and diabetes can lead to catastrophe, which means you future child could get Down syndrome. Therefore, women should be pregnant at 20 to 34 years old Likewise, a woman who wants to become mother at 40 or over should ask advice from doctors when she is pregnant and follow instruction to insure safety if necessary.

May 19, 2012
9:57 am
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Hello Alice

Welcome to Writefix, and thanks for this essay on an interesting topic. I hope other people try this topic or add their comments.

Alice, are you taking the IELTS exam or just practicing your essay writing? Your essay has many ideas, but it would be almost impossible to write 522 words by hand in just 40 minutes, the time that is allowed for Task 2 in IELTS.

Let us know! Everyone is welcome to write essays here, but most people are aiming at the 250 word requirement for IELTS task 2.

Word Choice/Word Form/Usage

  • It's true that getting pregnancy over 40 can be endangered for the mother and baby→ It's true that getting pregnant over 40 can be dangerous for the mother and baby
     
  • Halle Berry born the first baby at age of 41, and cheered the second baby at 43 years old → Halle Berry gave birth to her first baby at 41, and had a second baby at 43.
     
  • Julianne Moore and Celine Dion also had the extra baby at 41 and 42 years old. → Julianne Moore and Celine Dion also had babies at 41 and 42 years old. (I don’t think babies can be extra!  It’s not a promotion in a supermarket!)
     
  • Being pregnant could motivate couples to marriage and warm up a family → being pregnant could motivate couples to marry.
     
  • And what are natural ways to get pregnancy? → And what are the natural ways to get pregnant/become pregnant?
     
  • First, to get pregnancy, women have to be in a good condition of metal and body. → First, to become pregnant, women should be in good mental and physical condition.
     
  • The jeopardy comes from high blood pressure → The danger/risk comes from high blood pressure

Simplify

This sentence is 23 words long and has several problems

Nevertheless, if any women who want to be pregnant with 40, they should do everything to guarantee safety of the baby and them

Let’s simplify it (although we need to use a complicated structure):

Nevertheless, women who want to be pregnant at 40 should do everything for their own safety and that of the baby.  OR

In this essay, I will suggest some ways for women over 40 to have a safe delivery.

Here’s a long sentence (25 words) with many clauses and phrases and some problems:

Hence, especially for women who are 40 and over, should have an everyday nourishing meal, do exercise moderately, breathe as much fresh air as possible.

Try to keep sentences below 20 words. This could be rewritten more simply as

Women over 40 should have nourishing food, exercise moderately and get as much fresh air as possible. (17 words)

Verb Tense

  • However, the modern life madeso many women become too busy to be pregnant.  →
    However, modern life has made many women too busy to be pregnant. OR
    Today, many women have become too busy to be pregnant.

Good sentence!

It seems as if Hollywood has made pregnancy over 40 become a trend for women.

Punctuation

  • Some research has proven that, women will be prettier → Some research has proved that women will be prettier
     
  • Moreover, being pregnant could motivate couples to marriage and warm up a family, bring joyfulness to family members

Generalizations

If you are doing IELTS writing, you need to avoid generalizations or unsupported ideas. Have a look at the descriptors for Task 2 Writing in IELTS, under Task Response.

I am not a medical expert, so I will have to ask my sisters about this (it could explain a lot!):

For example, if she drinking too much beer, smoke a least two cigarette a day, she also has a brittle temper

Here’s another generalization

First, to get pregnancy, women have to be in a good condition of metal and body.

I’m not a doctor, but as far as I know, many women can become pregnant even if sick or very unhappy. We can change the sentence to make it less of a generalization

First, to become pregnant, women should be in good physical and mental condition.

Here’s a more serious generalization

...diabetes can lead to catastrophe, which means you future child could get Down syndrome.

I looked at the Mayo Clinic website  and that the UK’s National Health Service website for causes of Down’s Syndrome  but found no reference to diabetes in the mother being a cause. The IELTS exam is not a medical test, but we do have to avoid generalizations or unsupported ideas.

Details

If you are doing IELTS, you need to reduce, reduce, reduce. Omit all unnecessary details.

Pregnancy is one of the most marvelous things in the world because not every woman can be pregnant, and what would happen to the humanity if women can’t be pregnant?

I really don't think that many women get pregnant to improve their skin:

There is a lot of wonderful things make reasons to be pregnant. Some research has proven that, women will be prettier when they’re carrying offspring. Their hair is glossier; skin is smoother and ruddier because of the hormones which secrete from the body during the process of pregnancy. When women are pregnant, they receive several maternity benefits of government and community as well.

This is all fine and dandy, but we need to keep to the essay topic.

 Conclusion

You don’t have a conclusion to your essay. Whether you are writing for IELTS or for another purpose, a conclusion helps your reader. It’s where you summarize the main ideas and give your opinion, and perhaps some advice or recommendation.

Again, tell us what you are writing for and we will tailor the suggestions for you. Thanks again!
 

May 23, 2012
10:05 pm
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It's true that getting pregnancy pregnant over 40 can be endangered for the mother and baby as well. However, the modern life has made so many women become too busy ,thus they have no time to think of pregnancy to be pregnant. For instance, Halle Berry born bore her the first baby at the age of 41, and cheered the second baby at 43 years old. Julianne Moore and Celine Dion also had their extra baby babies at the age of 41 and 42 years old respectively. It looks like Hollywood has made pregnancy over 40 become a trend for women. Nevertheless, if any women who wants to be pregnant with over the age of 40, then they should do everything to guarantee safety of the baby and of them.(The introduction paragraph looks more like a body paragraph,it should state more of what you are going to state in the body paragraph)

 

Pregnancy is one of the most marvelous things in the world because not every woman can be pregnant, and what would happen to the humanity if women can’t be pregnant? There is a lot of wonderful things make reasons to be pregnant. Some research has proven that, women will be prettier when they’re carrying offspring. Their hair is glossier; skin is smoother and ruddier because of the hormones which secrete from the body during the process of pregnancy. When women are pregnant, they receive several maternity benefits of government and community as well. Expectant mothers have maternity leaves, which mean they can rest comfortably with statutory maternity pay from work until the baby born. Moreover, being pregnant could motivate couples to marriage and warm up a family, bring joyfulness to family members. However, the main reason when women want a baby is family that tells them where they’re belonged to, where they could love and be loved. (This paragraph has nothing to do with women being pregnant over age 40)

 

People usually think the only way to get pregnancy is sex between a man and women who is a natural way to get pregnancy. Nowadays, scientists discover that it's not easy to get pregnancy as well as to have a fine child, especially over 40. So, how to get pregnancy over 40? And what are natural ways to get pregnancy? First, to get pregnancy, women have to be in a good condition of metal and body. For example, if she drinking too much beer, smoke a least two cigarette a day, she also has a brittle temper which mean she can get mad easily. Thus, by science proof, she would have a reduced fertility. Hence, especially for women, who are 40 and over, should have an everyday nourishing meal, do exercise moderately, breathe as much fresh air as possible. Future mother should have a good life before giving baby the best life.(This paragraph has nothing or little relation with your topic)


On the flip side As we know that, being pregnant over the age of 40 is dangerous and get pregnancy at 50 is more than risky. Not asked Women who are with child over 40 could get high blood pressure and diabetes. Besides, the risk of miscarriage is very high. The jeopardy comes from high blood pressure, and diabetes which can lead to a catastrophe, which means you future child could get Down syndrome. Therefore, women should be pregnant at 20 to 34 years old likewise, a woman who wants to become mother at 40 or over should ask advice from doctors when she is before getting pregnant and should follow instruction to insure ensure safety if necessary.


You have good  English grasp, you just need to follow a format or so ,along with that you just need to focus on what content to include or exclude to make the topic relevant, other unnecessary things will bring deviation to your topic. A plus point is that you had almost two paragraphs which where almost correct to them just give  an introduction and a conclusion.For format you can read the IELTS writing format on this site. Best of luck I think just a little guidance by a professional will help you

June 16, 2012
9:22 pm
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Hello, writefix and anufrancis. Thanks for reading my article, because this is my first writing, I'm sure that it is really bad. I cannot write down my essay on a paper and ask my teacher to fix it because she was so busy. Therefore, I search on the internet and find many website fix essay. So, there is a website require me to chose a subject and write an article about this with those key words I have been highlighted. As you see, it is not an essay 🙁

writefix I know that I have to read others essays and comment but, I'm really bad at writing therefore and do not think I have enough ability to fix essays of others people. Do you have any recommend for me? I am really willing to follow.


anufrancis thank you very much for reading my essay carefully and fix it! I really appreciate that!!!

 

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