Welcome!

In the forum on this page you can see IELTS essays by people just like you. Hundreds of people added essays and comments and helped each other to get a great IELTS essay score! Have a look at their amazing writing!

Please note: This forum is closed!

closed

Sorry! However, please enjoy the hundreds of essays and thousands of comments still available here. A HUGE thanks to all the writers who commented and to all the visitors. We hope we've made IELTS writing less scary.

Popular Tags

Click the links below to see essays on that topic.

art business communication children crime culture economy education environment families food freedom globalization
health heritage  leisure media politics science society sports television travel technology transport university violence work

Avatar

Lost password?
Advanced Search

— Forum Scope —




— Match —





— Forum Options —





Minimum search word length is 3 characters - maximum search word length is 84 characters

sp_Feed Topic RSS sp_Related Related Topics sp_TopicIcon
Should public transport be free?
Topic Rating: 0 Topic Rating: 0 Topic Rating: 0 Topic Rating: 0 Topic Rating: 0 Topic Rating: 0 (0 votes) 
July 25, 2012
7:23 pm
Avatar
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 8
Member Since:
July 19, 2012
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Public transport could be made free of charge. Are there more advantages or disadvantages to this change?

Nowadays, Public Transport is one of the important parts of our life. There will be very good impact to the country and society if the public transport made free. This is because many people will be encouraged going to use them. However, I would like to show, in this essay, why there are more advantages of making the public transport services free and why there will be few disadvantages.

At the beginning, making the public transport like metros, buses or taxis free of charge means attracting many people to ride these types of transport. This will result in people abandon their own transports like private cars or motors. The advantage beyond that is the city environment would be improved due to the reduction of the extracted carbon from the car exhausts. Moreover, car accidents and even fatal accidents will be reduced to the minimum due to less of traffic violence and fines. Another advantage is in case of any urgent medical case when the ambulance tries to reach faster to the hospital to save one's life or in case of police trying to catch a criminal, they would catch him faster and easier.

On the contrary, there might be few disadvantages too due hindering of the public transport to be free of charge. Except the rich countries, not every country is able to make that. This is because of the government will solely bear the charge of the public transport maintenance, which often be very expensive. In addition the government will solely pay the salaries of the associated working staff. These extra charges, some governments may not be able to pay for. Thus, the need to claim charge or Tareef from the users of the public transport is crucial. 

As a conclusion, I would prefer that the governments should make balancing among above both points of views. From one side, it should minimize the charge of using the public transports to the minimum, so everyone can ride it. Then from other side, the governments should give fare maintenance services to the public transport to ensure the safety of them and fare salaries to their associated staff to ensure better service to gain more customers.

July 25, 2012
8:00 pm
Avatar
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 25
Member Since:
July 15, 2012
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Hey, Blue Sky, thanks for your topic. I'm also new here and want to improve my writing

1. After reading your essay, I feel it's obviously following those templates, which writefix told me that we should throw them away.

2. I feel the following sentense not supporting your point, just my feeling, may not correct.

   " Another advantage is in case of any urgent medical case when the ambulance tries to reach faster to the hospital to save one's life or in case of police trying to catch a criminal, they would catch him faster and easier."

3. The following highlight seems rudundant

  "it should minimize the charge of using the public transports to the minimum"

July 29, 2012
8:14 pm
Avatar
writefix
Guest
Guests

Hello Blue Sky

Thanks for this essay. Are you doing IELTS soon? We need to get you ready for the test!

Your essay is far too long. It’s 364 words. You need to get this down to about 275 words or at most 300 words.

Your average sentence length is 20 words. We need to get this down to between 12 and 15 words. I recommend having an average sentence length of between 12 and 15 words per sentence. Longer sentences tend to have more mistakes in punctuation, agreement and structure, as well as being more complicated for the reader. Aim for a mix of sentences - long and short, simple, complex and compound.

Today, instead of verb tense or word choice, I'm going to concentrate on writing shorter sentences and paragraphs. Do not write in the same way you speak!

 

Blue Sky: 364 words
Writefix suggested version: 191 words
Nowadays, Public Transport is one of the important parts of our life. There will be very good impact to the country and society if the public transport made free. This is because many people will be encouraged going to use them. However, I would like to show, in this essay, why there are more advantages of making the public transport services free and why there will be few disadvantages. (69 words) Public transport allows large numbers of people to move around many cities quickly and cheaply. While making public transport free might make cities cleaner more efficient and comfortable, this essay will show that this would not be practical in many countries. (41 words)
At the beginning, making the public transport like metros, buses or taxis free of charge means attracting many people to ride these types of transport. This will result in people abandon their own transports like private cars or motors. The advantage beyond that is the city environment would be improved due to the reduction of the extracted carbon from the car exhausts. Moreover, car accidents and even fatal accidents will be reduced to the minimum due to less of traffic violence and fines. Another advantage is in case of any urgent medical case when the ambulance tries to reach faster to the hospital to save one's life or in case of police trying to catch a criminal, they would catch him faster and easier. (124 words) First, free metros, buses or taxis would attract many more users. This would result in people abandoning private cars. In turn, the urban environment would be improved due to the reduction in carbon emissions from cars. Moreover, car accidents would be reduced because of less traffic. Another advantage might be in security and medical care. Ambulances or police would be able to reach emergencies or crimes scenes more quickly. (69 words)
On the contrary, there might be few disadvantages too due hindering of the public transport to be free of charge. Except the rich countries, not every country is able to make that. This is because of the government will solely bear the charge of the public transport maintenance, which often be very expensive. In addition the government will solely pay the salaries of the associated working staff. These extra charges, some governments may not be able to pay for. Thus, the need to claim charge or Tareef from the users of the public transport is crucial. (96 words) However, the obvious disadvantage is cost. Only rich countries could afford to introduce free public transport. Poorer countries could not possibly afford to maintain, replace and improve infrastructure or to pay workers' salaries. Therefore, some income from fares is essential. (39 words
As a conclusion, I would prefer that the governments should make balancing among above both points of views. From one side, it should minimize the charge of using the public transports to the minimum, so everyone can ride it. Then from other side, the governments should give fare maintenance services to the public transport to ensure the safety of them and fare salaries to their associated staff to ensure better service to gain more customers. (75 words) In conclusion, I would prefer that governments balanced both sides. They should keep fares to a minimum but ensure there is enough to provide and improve the service for commuters and residents. (32 words)

Of course, 191 words is not enough. But now you can give more examples. Don't ramble - get to the point and leave out unnecessary words!

I used this quotation with another essay last week - but, as an engineer, you might appreciate the reference to 'machines and unnecessary parts':

In writing, every word must have a function, just as a machine has "no unnecessary parts"…

Vigorous writing is concise. A sentence should contain no unnecessary words, a paragraph no unnecessary sentences, for the same reason that a drawing should have no unnecessary lines and a machine no unnecessary parts. This requires not that the writer make all his sentences short, or that he avoid all detail and treat his subjects only in outline, but that every word tell.

— William Strunk Jr.

in Elements of Style

July 30, 2012
6:28 am
Avatar
writefix
Guest
Guests

Hi Blue Sky

I just wanted to thank Christyzhongs for his comments above.  I agree with him that you could leave out some of the phrases like

  • At the beginning,
  • As a conclusion
  • On the contrary
  • From one side
  • Thus
  • Then from the other side
  • The advantage beyond that

None of these is quite correct or is used correctly in the essay, so it would be better to leave them out. I also agree with Christyzhongs about some redundant phrases (he gave a good example) -  just try to see what you can leave out and aim for that magic 300 word maximum!

As regards the idea about police or ambulances being able to work more efficiently -  it wouldn't be the main reason for having free public transport, but at least you didn't put it first. Aim for five or six ideas and then pick the top three.

I've deleted your post of the same essay in the other location and added a link to here instead.

July 30, 2012
8:14 am
Avatar
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 8
Member Since:
July 19, 2012
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Dear Mr. Writefix,

I really do appreciate your precious comments about my essay. In addition, I'd like to thank Christyzhongs for his valuable comments.

However, I really do my best to enhance my writing. The problem with me is " difficult to find short expressions/phrases". Therefore, I practicing and reading ,any essays nowadays. My IELTS exam will be on next Saturday on August 8, 2012.

Sorry to copy the essay in other location. This is because I tried to show it to you, to get your comments.

I will write another one for another subject and place it for your comments, if you nevermind.

 

Many thanks for your attractive efforts.

 

Yours faithfully,

Blue Sky

August 8, 2012
5:44 pm
Avatar
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 8
Member Since:
July 26, 2012
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Blue Sky said

Public transport could be made free of charge. Are there more advantages or disadvantages to this change?

 Introduction :not clearly

Nowadays, Public Transport is one of the important parts of our life. There will be very good(weak wording) impact to the country and society if the public transport made free. This is because many people will be encouraged going to use them. However, I would like to show, in this essay, why there are more advantages of making the public transport services free and why there will be few disadvantages.

 

At the beginning(use the phrase incorrectly), making the public transport like metros, buses or taxis free of charge means attracting many people to ride these types of transport. This will result in people abandon their own transports like private cars or motors. The advantage beyond that is the city environment would be improved due to the reduction of the extracted carbon from the car exhausts. Moreover, car accidents and even fatal accidents will be reduced to the minimum due to less of traffic violence and fines. Another advantage is in case of any urgent medical case when the ambulance tries to reach faster to the hospital to save one's life or in case of police trying to catch a criminal, they would catch him faster and easier.

 

On the contrary(may not correct phrase here), there might be few disadvantages too due hindering of the public transport to be free of charge. Except the rich countries, not every country is able to make that. This is because of the government will solely bear the charge of the public transport maintenance, which often be very expensive. In addition the government will solely pay the salaries of the associated working staff. These extra charges, some governments may not be able to pay for. Thus, the need to claim charge or Tareef from the users of the public transport is crucial.

 

As a conclusion, I would prefer that the governments should make balancing among above both points of views. From one side, it should minimize the charge of using the public transports to the minimum, so everyone can ride it. Then from other side, the governments should give fare maintenance services to the public transport to ensure the safety of them and fare salaries to their associated staff to ensure better service to gain more customers.

 Overall:Too much grammatical error,repitition,problems with word choice,cliched,generic sentence.Stating opinion unclearly and dont support it well =>hard for readers to follow.

U should practice more and more,make an outline before starting to write.refer to some wrting books of Cambridge,Oxford or Longman.

Forum Timezone: Asia/Dubai

Most Users Ever Online: 299

Currently Online:
11 Guest(s)

Currently Browsing this Page:
1 Guest(s)

Member Stats:

Guest Posters: 1

Members: 172

Moderators: 1

Admins: 2

Forum Stats:

Groups: 1

Forums: 3

Topics: 545

Posts: 2204

Moderators: Newestadmin: 0

Top
Do NOT follow this link or you will be banned from the site!