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Is it better for children to grow up in cities or in the countryside?
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March 11, 2012
12:36 pm
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Some people believe that children should be brought up in cities. Others believe that countryside offers a better environment for children. Discuss both views and give your opinion.


 

The rearing of children requires careful consideration. Many people believe growing children in cities is a better option while others prefer country side. In this essay I shall discuss advantages and problems in cities and villages during child brought up.

On one hand, people considering country side as a preferable place for rearing child have strong arguments .First of all, villages provide pollution free environment for children. Therefore, they can enjoy fresh, cleaner air. Also, fresh food, fruits, vegetable and pure dairy products help them in growing stronger. Secondly, in countryside children get lot of space to play and chances for more physical activity. This active life style surely helps them to stay healthy even later in their life. Furthermore, children get more chances to observe nature closely. Watching variety of birds & animal is worthwhile experience. However, despite of all such boon in villages, lack of communication, poor education and health system does not make it first choice to live & rear. All such facilities are prerequisite for better life style.

On the other hand, those realizing cities as a better option for growing children give many reasons. From educational perspective, cities have well structured education system right from Montessori to universities. That provides best opportunities for children to built strong foundation and later pursue their careers in different fields. In terms of health services, in spite of polluted environment, in cities all latest and basic medical facilities are easily available. Immunization programmers and regular health checks enable them to seek medical services from early age. Moreover, children can avail better physical fitness  and guided sports training by joining sports club. Furthermore, easy access to information technology let them communicate with the entire world.

In conclusion, people have different and  personal perspectives about rearing child in cities or country side. I believe, keeping in mind the importance of modern ways for education, healthcare and communication, rearing child in cities would be better option.

March 13, 2012
9:55 pm
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Thanks for this essay Naheed!

It needs to flow a little more. Watch those articles! There are at least 14 article errors (usually missing 'the' or 'a' or having wrong plurals). The lack of articles makes the essay sound a little stilted or staccato. 

Agreement

There are about three or four agreement errors e.g. "easy access to information technology let them communicate with the entire world." ==> lets them communicate

More verbs, fewer nouns
To flow better, you should use more verbs and fewer nouns in your sentences. For example, this sentence

Immunization programmers and regular health checks enable them to seek medical services from early age.

...has about 8 nouns or pronouns. Nouns don't move - verbs do. A sentence with many nouns will not flow.

Here's the same sentence with 2 nouns:

Children can be immunized and obtain checkups easily.

This sentence has six words which could function as nouns and only two verbs:

Moreover, children can avail better physical fitness and guided sports training by joining sports club. (Six nouns, two verbs)

Moreover, children can learn sports and stay fit by joining sports clubs. (Four nouns, three verbs.)

('Avail' is an fairly old-fashioned word and requires 'of': "he availed himself of the opportunity to study." The word 'club' needs a plural or an article - "by joining a sports club" OR "by joining sports clubs.")

Word Choice/Simplify
On the other hand, those realizing cities as a better option for growing children give many reasons.
On the other hand, cities have many advantages for children and parents.

Many people believe growing children in cities is a better option while others prefer country side. 

Many people believe growing children in cities is a better option while others prefer country side. ==> rearing /raising

Many people believe raising children in cities is a better option while others prefer the countryside as a better environment for children.

However, despite of all such boon in villages, lack of communication, poor education and health system does not make it first choice to live & rear.

However, despite these benefits, raising a family in the country is difficult because of poor health care, a lack of communication, and inadequate schools.

Articles

  • That provides best opportunities for children to built strong foundation
    That provides the best opportunities for children to build a strong foundation
  • In cities all latest and basic medical facilities are easily available
    In cities all the latest medical facilities are easily available OR Cities have better medical facilities
  • From educational perspective
    From an educational perspective
  • All such facilities are prerequisite for better life style.
    All such facilities are a prerequisite for a better lifestyle.
  • Watching variety of birds & animal is worthwhile experience
    Watching a variety of birds and animals is a worthwhile experience.
March 14, 2012
1:33 am
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Thank you for your feedback. I think in some languages some errors appear more. For example, I do myself never care about ARTICLE because in my own langauge omitting articles does not alter the meaning a lot. I think considering article should become  a habit in writing.

March 14, 2012
1:46 pm
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writefix
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Hi Brian

You are right - people with different first languages tend to make different kinds of errors when they are learning English. It's the influence of the mother tongue.

It can be difficult if some feature of English is not present or is not common in your first language, such as articles or verb tenses, or if there are different ways to structure sentences, or even different ways of arguing -  there are cultural differences in how to present an argument or opinion. 

Maybe the way to look at IELTS Task 2 writing is to view it as a challenge, a kind of game with its own set of rules. Remember too that many native speakers would have difficulty presenting a topic in 250 words in 40 minutes according to the 'rules' of IELTS! It's a specific use of language and unless you are going to write reports in English in a university you may never have to worry about that style of writing again.

Thanks for contributing and good luck with your essays. 

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