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should animals be used in testing new drugs and experiments ?
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October 20, 2011
10:02 pm
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October 21, 2011
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Using animals as a field of experiments induces a huge argue inbetween opponents and scientists in the medical and cosmetic field . each of which has his own opinion and a logicaly strong evidence on it . In the following essay we are going to explain the opposit situations to illustrat this topic .

First of all , concerning the unnecessary stressful pain that the experimental animal undergos , for us to examin a new drug efficiency , its side effects , duration of action or the adequate doses required . all this steps creat sufficient needless pain for animal , which we should put into our consideration , during the scientific research , not only our benefits that we are dealing with .

Furthermore , some opponents think that , in spite of some animals have deeply similar body organs to that of the human but still they are not completely and typicaly compatible with that of him , still there are certain variations , like rates and pigeon. as a result we notice that scientists withdrow some medicines after they distribut it in the market for the human use . where animals supply insufficient database or incomplete picture about our body

Finally , I agree that the only substitut is the experimental animal and we have no reasonable alternative till present , who can gives us all the criteria we find in him . but we should consider the above points of view during our research to be conciouse and allert againest disadvantages of using animals for experiments .

October 24, 2011
7:49 pm
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writefix
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Hi Alia

Thanks for your essay. I've reformatted it a little above – I think you may have had problems with the editor so I've put back the paragraphs in the way I think you wanted them. Let me know if they are wrong.

It's always good to run your essay through the spell checker on your computer and to fix the punctuation. In English it's important to put the space AFTER the full stop (period) or comma – not before. And don't forget every sentence starts with a capital letter. If your essay looks good, it will get a higher mark, whether you are writing or typing, because examiners are human!

OK – one thing I would say here is to check carefully for Fragments. Fragments are parts of sentences. Something (a subject, a verb, an object, or something else) is missing so the sentence becomes a puzzle. There is one big fragment in your essay:

Alia said

First of all , concerning the unnecessary stressful pain that the experimental animal undergos , for us to examin a new drug efficiency , its side effects , duration of action or the adequate doses required .

A second point: watch out for phrases that sound good but in fact say very little:

Alia said

In the following essay we are going to explain the opposit situations to illustrat this topic .

IELTS examiners may view this as a chunk of memorized text and may penalize you.

You could change this to something specific to the essay, such as:

In this essay I am going to say why I think using animals is the only choice available to us.

October 25, 2011
7:04 am
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iran
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No one can reject, the role of exploration in our modern life.one kind of exploration is to find the new drugs for human,furthermore people want to overcome disease and they need the pill to use and feel healthy, but scientist must test the new production in some way,the most less risk way is to test that in the animals likes hamster or muse or some times monkeys instead of human.

its clear that, no one like to test this chemical new drugs on animal and if you ask the people most of answer comes disagree but nowadays we do not have any other choice . in other words if we use animal in our experiment,we have to care about the other animal and try to keep those animal safe and help them to be alive.

October 25, 2011
9:40 am
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writefix
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Hi Sina and welcome to Writefix!

 

Thanks for your essay! I'm glad you posted it under Alia's so we can look at related ideas easily.

The first suggestions I'd make are to write shorter sentences and to avoid using commas.

 

Sina wrote:

No one can reject, the role of exploration in our modern life.one kind of exploration is to find the new drugs for humanfurthermore people want to overcome disease and they need the pill to use and feel healthy, but scientist must test the new production in some way,the most less risk way is to test that in the animals likes hamster or muse or some times monkeys instead of human.

Don't join sentences with commas. Instead, just put a full stop and start a new sentence (with a capital letter of course!). 

A second suggestion is to avoid words that don't contribute much. Sometimes examiners call these words "memorized chunks"

  • no one can deny that
  • it's clear that
  • no one can reject that

Instead of using these, just say what you want to say directly:

  • Exploration and discovery are very important today.
  • Nobody wants to test new drugs on humans.
Comparatives and Superlatives:
  • the most less risk way  ==> the least risky way
November 6, 2011
3:47 am
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pakistan
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God has made this world for the human and other creatures.It is observed that often one is dependent on the other.I believe to certain extent that animals should be used in testing new drugs and experiments.In this essay I will highlight its positive and negative aspects.

To start with , animal testing is the source of inventions and explorations. for example. Landing on moon was impossible if the earlier space agencies and astronauts had not used monkeys . The results obtained from these practices give clues to the scientists and innovators to advance a step forward or stop that process. 

After that ,animal testing is beneficial for socio-economic reasons. for example ,cloning and test tube techniques have brought many hybrid species which has increased the number of extinct species as well as improved the health of both men and animal. it has also increased the food for humans.

However , it is against the animal rights and ethics .The side effects of these treatment has lead to several diseases and death.for example, the spread of diseases in developing countries is often when the ill medicinal animals are left outside of the laboratories to die outside of the building of the testing centers. 

In the conclusion , animals should be used for medicinal practices , and the government should check that they are not only made for death but for death to life. 

November 8, 2011
12:39 pm
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writefix
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Hi Zakir and welcome back.

Your essay is 232 words long which would lead to a penalty in IELTS.  Just adding one more sentence would avoid this problem!

Make intros specific!

In your intro, try to make the thesis sentence specific. It should rephrase some of the words in the question.

You wrote

In this essay I will highlight its positive and negative aspects.

This might be better as:

In this essay I will look at the positive and negative aspects of animal testing in the development of new drugs.

Organization: make your arguments symmetrical (equal weighting)

You have two advantages or uses of animal testing (space exploration, cloning and hybrids -  although I think you have some other ideas in this section also. Remember: one sentence, one idea!)

However, you have only one argument against animal testing – you didn't develop the ethical issues, but focused in on a detail about animals dying outside testing centers, which seems a little obscure or relatively minor.

In your last paragraph,  I'm not really sure what you mean in the last part of the sentence

… animals should be used for medicinal practices , and the government should check that they are not only made for death but for death to life

There's no need to be too dramatic or flowery in IELTS – just be as plain and direct as you can. In the speaking exam you will have an opportunity to use rhetoric, but simpler is generally better in the writing test.

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