Hi, Ngo Duy Quang and chrisluke921221, I really appreciate your work put on my essay, and I also have some comment for you, too.
1. to give students feeling of comfort and freedom, some schools allow students to wear casual clothing. In addition, other schools believe that compel their students to wear a school uniform can help staff manage the student easier
(i reckon "in addition"a here is not appropriate . "contrast" transitive words should be better as in you make a comparison in this context. anything like ""however,conversely, or while here "). -> I don't understand, can you explain for me? I think two sentences are talking about the benefit of wearing uniform. The second sentence doesn't talk about the opposite affect, why should I put "however,contrast" there?
Compelling spelling is correct as Ngo Duy Quang pointed out .
-> I agree with you by this.
2. Wearing uniform is an assistance of(for) the education system.
(i feel you still can make this sentence more specific or i dont know ,hmm i just feel a bit strange to read it.)
-> I mean, this a thesis statement for the second paragraph, and the next sentence will make this statement more clearer.
3.For most of Asian schools, wearing uniform is compel(compulsory) because they believe(it is believed) that uniform represents one school as well as giving the student a sense of belonging
(i dont think it should be "it is believed that"….i reckon rewrite it like …..because it is believed to represent….blah blah…it here means wearing uniform ….)
-> I also agree with you by this.
4.uniform is useful identified system, which allows staffs to distinguish their children with hooligan(this word seems too specific and not suitable).
(useful identified system? uniform helps the teacher identify the students)
(hooligan?????aint it too exaggerated? if i am not wearing a school uniform and walking on the street. then i become a hooligan ?) -> I mean, some bad guys try to go into school break-in a school and some of them are too young, or look like a student. Therefore, wearing uniform will help the staff manage students easier. Well, I think I need more explain in this sentence.
5.uniform make(makes) the students feel more responsible of his or her action. For instance, students may not want to pick a fight nor do an illegal act because they are conscious that they will be caught easily by identifying the uniform.
(their…you wrote the students…..)
(you said the students feel more responsible for their action. but the example shows "because they are conscious that they will be caught easily by identifying the uniform." hmm…im just confused…. ) -> Well, it is true to caught a criminal easier, because he has his name and class label on it as the Asian school uses to doing.
6. More benefits are equality and comfort that come from wearing uniform
(Rewrite this sentence.)
-> Benefits of wearing uniform is comfort and equality (do you think it ok? Or you think it need more specific?)
7.For a long time ago, people’s state is recognized by their appearance. (huh? state recognized by appearance?)
-> I think I should rewrite the sentence like this:
In the old society, the aristocrat used to recognize each other by luxury cloths and appearance.
8.Thus, whether nobody complains about what clothes(,) you are wearing, still people may feel uncomfortable when look (looking)at beautiful clothes of others and then think of themselves.
(sorry, i dont get it….whether nobody complains….)
-> I will fix the sentence like this:
Nowadays, in the small society in school, people still judge the others through their appearance.
9. Uniform is a savior for students who live in difficult condition by giving them more confident and more equal because everybody is wearing the same cloth.
(Savior? hmmm..even for people living in a poverty-stricken life, why not give them clothes ? it must be uniform? i reckon it is not very convincing ..hehe) btw, cloth means fabric or woven from the wool or cotton….wearing the same cloth…..hmmm…well…)
-> I mean, because some students may be teased for their appearance, they may not feel confident anymore. It is true, and it have already happened in my country.
10v As others disagree of wearing uniform is not necessary,
(rewrite this one.)
-> As others do not consent to wear uniform,
Well because you don't understand my idea, I will rewrite it again. Thank you very much, Ngo Duy Quang and chrisluke921221