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Should television be more strictly controlled? (2)
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June 29, 2012
11:06 pm
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Some people believe that the influence that television exerts over society is largely detrimental and are calling for it to be more strictly controlled.  Should television be more tightly controlled to protect society, or should television have fewer restrictions placed on it? 


Television is one of the finest creations made by human. It has always influence people and the society in both positive and negative ways. I am going to analyze the positive effects it has brought in our society.

Television has always left an impact on our life. Firstly, we are able to see what’s happening in this entire world, by just sitting in a corner of our house. We don't have to go a certain place just to see how exactly it looks in reality. We can feel it from any part of the world. The Euro Cup going in Ukraine can be watched by a football lover in a developing country from Asia. In the same way, there are many programs on television related to health,environment,science,sports and many more. We can learn about any topic by just going through that program. We can take the examples of yoga class that are telecast every morning in most of the channels. This means we can start a healthy way of living by implementing that in our daily life. Moreover we can add our products that are produce in local level or any place that must be visited from our society. In this way we can promote the place where we are living which certainly helps in development.

However, those people who thinks television brings detrimental effects on society needs to rethink about the uncountable positive changes it has brought up. Everything in this world has two sides as the coin does. Even the antibiotics which we take for curing disease have negative effects on us. But this doesn't mean we quit it. So leaving the wrong aspect of television, such person needs to choose the programs that are worth watching.

In conclusion, restriction is not necessary. The only thing that's matter the most is, we need to choose the right program to watch on.

June 30, 2012
1:25 am
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Hi Bindu 

Here are the few grammar mistakes as I have noticed

 

It has always influence(d) people and the society in both positive and negative ways.

We don't have to go (to) a certain place just to see how exactly it looks in reality.

We can take the examples of yoga class that are telecast(ed) every morning in most of the channels. 

Moreover we can add our products that are produce(d) in local level or any place that must be visited from our society. (This line is not clear too)

However, those people who thinks television brings detrimental effects on society needs to rethink about the uncountable positive changes it has brought up.

So leaving the wrong aspect of television, such person (people) needs to choose the programs that are worth watching.

In conclusion, restriction (of what) is not necessary. 

The only thing that's matter(s) the most is, we need to choose the right program to watch on.

 

Regarding the structure, difference between the length of paragraph 2 and 3. The length of conclusion is short, at least based on the standard.

 

Regards

 


June 30, 2012
9:16 pm
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Hi Ramesh,

Could you please help me to conclude this essay?

July 1, 2012
3:16 am
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Television is one of the finest creations (inventions)made by human. It has always influence (on)people and the society in both positive and negative ways.( It always has possitive and negative influences on both people and society) I am going to analyze the positive effects it has brought in our society.(This essay will present some possitive effects which TV has had on our society)

Television has always left an impact on our life(lives). Firstly, we are able to see what’s happening in this entire world, by just sitting in a corner of our house.(in front of Television). We don't have to go a certain place just to see how exactly it looks in reality. We can feel it from any part of the world. ( For example)The Euro Cup going in Ukraine can be watched by a football lover in a developing country from Asia.( Can be  watched from whereever you are).In the same way, there are many programs on television related to health,environment,science,sports and many more. We can learn about any topic by just going through that program. We can take the examples of yoga class that are telecast every morning in most of the channels. This means we can start a healthy way of living by implementing that in our daily life. Moreover we can add our products that are produce (ed)in local level(locally) or any place that must be visited from our society(ies) In this way we can promote the place where we are living which certainly helps in development.

However, those people who thinks television brings detrimental effects on society needs to rethink about the uncountable positive changes it has brought up(those people who have negative views on television should reconsider numerous postive effectshave brought up by television)  Everything in this world has two sides as the coin does Even the antibiotics which we take for curing disease have negative effects on us. But this doesn't mean we quit it(give it up). So leaving the wrong aspect of television, such person needs to choose the programs that are worth watching.( need to be supported by stronger example and idea)

In conclusion, restriction is not necessary. The only thing that's matter the most is, we need to choose the right program to watch on.(In conclusion, it seems that restriction is not the only answer. People require to pay more attention on what they watch.) 

***

You have not much problem with grammar. You already were on answering the whole question. But the matter is your supporting is not impressing. Many ideas sound left without backing up or appeared withouty alreay preparing. It reveals more in 2st paragraph where you directly critised your opponents without putting any reasons. Instead of using metaphor or statements picked up from here and there focus on clarity and reasons to support your ideas. Sorry for my language if a bit rough. Ive just wanted to go directly on the point. I am sure that you are already quite good at this ares.

Best regards,

July 2, 2012
1:37 pm
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Hi Bindu and thanks for this essay.

Grammar 

Brian and Ramesh have identified some grammar points and I agree with most of them.

Layout and Organization

Ramesh has also noted that that second body paragraph (your third paragraph) was too short. This is very noticeable, and you need to have your arguments more balanced. Brian also felt that this paragraph was just criticism of people who were against television rather than supported arguments for some of the problems caused by television, and again, he's right. Why are you discussing antibiotics and two-sided coins? Where are your arguments and examples of what you call the  'wrong' side of television?

But there's a much more serious problem that neither Brian nor Ramesh have spotted.

Off-Topic

Your essay is off topic. It's about the most serious error you can make in IELTS. Have a look at the official descriptors for IELTS Task 2 Writing (public version) here, under Task Response. Have a look at Band 4 ("responds to the task only in a minimal way or the answer is tangential"). This is not the band you want. Here's the question again.

Some people believe that the influence that television exerts over society is largely detrimental and are calling for it to be more strictly controlled.  Should television be more tightly controlled to protect society, or should television have fewer restrictions placed on it? 

The only place where you address the topic is one sentence in the conclusion. I think you've realized this  -  you've asked Ramesh to conclude the essay. However, it would be very difficult for him to do this, because the conclusion can only summarize what's in the body

So we need a major rewrite, particularly of your third paragraph and your topic sentences.

Your topic sentence for paragraph two was 

Television has always left an impact on our life.

This is nice and short and clear, but what kind of impact? A positive or a negative one? Help the reader to preview your paragraph by writing a good topic sentence.  

In your third paragraph, your topic sentence was:

However, those people who thinks television brings detrimental effects on society needs to rethink about the uncountable positive changes it has brought up

So it seems you are now going to discuss the positive changes again. Why? You've done that in the second paragraph. 

But let’s go back to the question again. The question is:

Some people believe that the influence that television exerts over society is largely detrimental and are calling for it to be more strictly controlled.  Should television be more tightly controlled to protect society, or should television have fewer restrictions placed on it? 

Your paragraph two describes three advantages of television -  it’s convenient because we don’t have to travel to see something, there are many good programs, and we can see ads for local products (I think).

These are fine, but where are they linked to the question?  It’s not a simple advantages-and- disadvantages-of-television essay that you have written a dozen times in school. Your answer is tangential.

The question asks about the control or the freedom of television and what media organizations should or should not be able show on television.

Challenge

I would like to challenge Bindu, Ramesh and Brian to think about the question again and discuss if television channels should be free to show what they want or if television should be controlled.

Here are some ideas, words and vocabulary that you might use

  • Freedom of expression
  • The influence of the media
  • State-controlled media
  • Private media companies
  • Quality content vs cheap content
  • Program Content: pornography, education, health, science, shopping channels, religion, propaganda
  • Advertising
  • Editorial policy
  • Cultural values
  • Free market
  • Responsibility
  • Government control
  • Awareness on the part of the public
The essay will probably have a 3773 layout like this:
  1. Intro
  2. Yes, maybe some control is good
  3. No, overall I think the media should be free
  4. Conclusion
OR
  1. Intro
  2. There are some reasons why TV channels should be completely free
  3. However, there are more reasons why some standards and restrictions are needed
  4. Conclusion
 

PS: How to Post a New Topic

When posting an essay, put a short (4-9 word) summary of the question in the topic title box, and then write the full question at the start of your essay.  It will help fix the topic in your mind.

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