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Should the Olympic have a permanent home?
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March 21, 2012
1:50 am
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Should the Olympic Games have a permanent home?


Since hundred of years the Olympic have been played every four years in many countries around the world. Every country seeks to host it. It should always plays at specific country in order to achieve some benefits of them. Therefore, for the purpose of this essay, I shall confine the discussion on to some advantages and drawbacks on the subject of Olympic should always plays at specific country.

In the beginning, there are some reasons that motivate to playing the Olympic in one city in the world. Firstly, it encourages to build excellent facilities such as swimming pools and big playgrounds. However, some poor country maybe can't build excellent facilities if they want host the Olympic. As well as, reduce the high costs of money that spend every four years. For example,London will host the Olympic this year and the government in the UK spends billions of bounds to build many of  good facilities. Thus, the country that hosts the Olympic every four years will gain a lot of experience about it.    

In spite of these benefits, there are some disadvantages that don't encourage to held the Olympic at just one city in the whole world. In the first place, it will prevent many countries around the whole world from the right of host the Olympic. That might lead to monopoly the benefits of  hosting the Olympic like  raising the economy. For example, thousands of people will visit the UK in order to see the Olympic and they spend millions of bounds on hotels and buy many things which lead to increase corporate profits. Therefore, it will cause hate between people. Many people dream that their country host the Olympic in order to do achievement on sports level. what is more, it will be so boring and not enjoy for many people. The changes and developments are required to add some enjoyments on the Olympics.

In conclusion, it is not doubtful that host the Olympic at permanent home has a great deal of advantages and disadvantages. Some people emphasizes the benefits and other against. Thus, in my opinion, there are millions of people around the whole world are waiting the moment that they can see the Olympic on their country and I one of them.

March 23, 2012
7:01 pm
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Thanks Malak for this essay on an interesting topic!

Introduction

Since hundred of years the Olympic have been played every four years in many countries around the world. Every country seeks to host it.

Join these two sentences to make one stronger, shorter one:

For over a hundred years, countries have competed to host the Olympic games every four years.

Redundant words

Therefore, for the purpose of this essay, I shall confine the discussion on to some advantages and drawbacks on the subject of Olympic should always plays at specific country.

It's 29 words long, it's got some mistakes, but it doesn't add anything. Just say it Malak - don't add unneccessary words or memorized phrases. You have a good sentence in your conclusion - let's hint at it in your intro:

  1. I will say why I would love to see the Olympics in my country.
  2. I will expain why the greatest games in the world does not belong to any one country.
  3. This essay will show that the Olympic dream belongs to the world, not any one country.

Word Choice

  1. In the beginning ==> To begin with, OR First of all, OR First,
  2. Since hundred of years ==> For over a hundred years
  3. There are some reasons that motivate to playing the Olympic in one city in the world. ==>
    There are some reasons why it might be good for one city to host the Olympics.

What is more, it will be so boring and not enjoy for many people.

What is more, having the games in one country would be boring. It would be less enjoyable for spectators and athletes

Fragment

As well as, reduce the high costs of money that spend every four years.

There is no subject in the sentence. You could rewrite it as:

Hosting the games in one city would reduce costs.

Verb Tense

In a few places in paragraph 2 and 3, you use 'will.' It's an imaginary or hypothetical situation, so you should use 'would'

Generalizations

Therefore, it will cause hate between people.

Avoid over-simplifying or generalizing

This might lead to resentment. Or:
Some countries would be jealous of the country hosting the games.

Conclusion

Here are two sentences from your conclusion. Which one is interesting and could only be used in this essay, and which one is very, very boring?

Some people emphasizes the benefits and other against. Millions of people around the world are waiting for the moment when they can see the Olympic in their country and I one of them.

Of course, the last one is the better sentence - it's interesting, it looks to the future, it gives your opinion, and it could only be about this topic. The first sentence should be forgotten...

You have some good ideas in the essay. Just be careful with the verb tense - use more conditionals and modals (if, could, can, might, possibly)

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