You seem to have worked very hard on this essay.
Word Choice/Word Form/Usage
This essay will look at those critical reasons why should students start learning alien language at primary school → foreign languages OR a foreign language
Acknowledging this issue, many countries are starting to put a foreign language subject into this curriculum, while other states still practice this subject in secondary stage of education. (28 words)
A lot of nouns. Nouns make your writing heavy.
Here’s are some possible rewrites:
Many countries are now introducing foreign languages into primary schools, but others leave it until secondary level. (17 words) OR
Although some countries being teaching foreign languages at second level, many now teach them in primary schools. (17 words)
This basic skill of new language helps our juveniles learn the world easier such as learning other cultures.
Here’s one possible rewrite:
Having a new language helps our children learn about the world more easily. For example, …
So far many knowledgeable sources are in English, for instance internet, television and visiting people.
Here’s one possible rewrite:
Many educational resources, movies, and web sites are in English, so knowing English is a big advantage for learning any other subject.
Your introduction is much longer than either of your two body paragraph. Keep intros short - about 50 -60 words is enough. Three sentences is enough: describe the situation or the problem, or outline both sides, and then have a thesis sentence at the end. (Your thesis sentence is in the middle of your intro!)
Why is this sentence in the intro, AFTER the thesis sentence?
It helps juveniles learn new language more effectively in this young age and a lot of media around them in this globalizing era are in foreign language.
Is this a typo? Does it belong to another paragraph?
I think these are your main ideas
- We learn best when we are in primary school (the paragraph repeats a bit and is quite circular, but basically that’s all there is here.)
- Learning a language helps us to learn about other cultures.
- Knowing English helps us to learn other things because there are many resources in English
- We can go overseas for secondary school. (What??)
More ideas are needed! I don’t think most people are going to go abroad for secondary school. And English is not the only foreign language!
I haven’t tried this topic, but off the top of my head here are a few reasons for having foreign language in primary school.
- Primary school-age children enjoy singing, games and other fun activities more than secondary school children do.
- Children have a natural language learning ability.
- Small children can absorb a language without worrying about grammar or writing.
- Small children may not have a negative attitude to a foreign language. As students get older, they may have beliefs about a foreign language that interfere with their learning.
- The teaching methods used in primary are more natural and less academic than most teaching in secondary schools.
- Primary schools do not usually have tests or exams. Exams in a foreign language lead to anxiety.
- Young children are less self-conscious. They try without worrying about mistakes.
- You can learn a language when you are older but it’s very difficult to develop a good accent. This ability to learn the correct accent seems to stop as people get older, so it's better to start very early.
Try and have more ideas, and make sure your body paragraphs are longer than the introduction.