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Should universities give special priority to rural students?
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July 18, 2012
4:09 pm
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Topic: Some people think that universities should give various priorities to those students who come from rural areas. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this point of view?

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Some university students from rural areas find it hard to keep pace with their urban peers. Thus, some educational experts maintain that universities should provide rural students with special help. However, I do not think that these priorities could benefit rural students and their urban schoolmates. (In this paragraph I replace the word priorities with special help. Is this ok? I don’t know what the word “priorities” means in the topic. )
 
Special aid for students who come from rural areas has negative effects on them and their urban counterparts. Firstly, rural students may feel disrespected by receiving special help. Although they are probably not as good as urban students in terms of academic and economic backgrounds at the beginning of studying due to the poor standard of living and inferior education resources in rural areas, they can catch up with their urban peers by hard working. (Is this sentence to long?) If rural students can obtain an honor by their efforts rather than special help, they will be respected. Furthermore, special priorities may cause tension and conflicts between students due to the inequality. University authorities should create the environment whereby students are honored based on their academic or social performance rather than their social status.
 
However, some people argue that poor performance of rural students may be caused by lower schooling and parenting so them should receive special aid. Generally speaking, education resources in urban areas are superior to that in rural areas. But overall, this is not an excuse for universities to give them priorities. The government should allocate more money to promoting the development of education in rural areas. Additionally, education authorities can utilize the Internet to deliver proper schooling to rural areas. These measures will more benefits rural students than giving priorities. (Is any logical errors in this paragraph?)
 
To conclude, offering special aid cannot help rural students to catch up with their urban peers. On the contrary, it may cause conflicts between students. The government should take effective measures to improve education resources in rural areas. As a result, rural students can receive a better schooling and will enjoy a better life.

July 20, 2012
12:44 pm
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Hello Qing and welcome to Writefix

I hope you enjoy being here and that you can help other people to get a great score!

Your essay is 356 words long, which is a little too long. Aim for about 300 words max, or perhaps 320. Any more and you won’t have enough time to think about grammar and accuracy.  Don’t forget it’s the last part of the last exam on a long day.

Practice handwriting against the clock. Print out the sample IELTS Writing Task 2 Answer sheet here so that you know the appropriate length depending on your handwriting: 300 words is about a page and a half for most people.  That’s plenty!

You’ve done a very good job of spotting some of the problems already!

Intro

Yes, ‘priorities’ is not correct here: ‘special help’ or ‘special treatment’ would be better.

Paragraph Two

Yes, the sentence is waaaay too long! You wrote:

Although they are probably not as good as urban students in terms of academic and economic backgrounds at the beginning of studying due to the poor standard of living and inferior education resources in rural areas, they can catch up with their urban peers by hard working.

This is 47 words! Try to keep sentences to between 12 and 15 words on average (your average is 14.83, so well done!) and try to avoid sentences longer than about 25 words.

Here’s a possible rewrite. I’m going to link more closely to the idea in the previous sentence (‘Firstly, rural students may feel disrespected by receiving special help’):

They may feel inferior because of less money or poor schooling, but they can catch up with their urban peers by working hard. They do not want to be treated as special cases.  (33 words, two sentences, average 16.5 words) 

OR

They may feel inferior socially or academically, but through hard work they can quickly catch up with their urban peers. They do not want to be treated as special cases or be given preferential status. (35 words, 2 sentences, average 17.5 words).

Paragraph Three

  • so them should receive special aid. → so they should receive special aid.

Watch for pronoun reference:  You wrote:

this is not an excuse for universities to give them priorities

Here’s a possible rewrite:

this is not an excuse for universities to give rural students an unfair advantage

Your conclusion is fine, and the entire essay is well developed and easy to read. I look forward to seeing more essays here, and, if you have time, it would be great if you can help some others.

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