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Should university graduates earn higher salaries than less well-educated employees?
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March 27, 2012
8:48 pm
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Dongguan, China
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Is it right that university graduates should earn higher salaries than less well-educated employees?


With the importance of education is highlighted greatly nowadays, more and more people convince that university graduates should earn much money than the average people. Admittedly, the college diploma is a ticket to a job. Even so, saying students who are graduating from university are certain to earn much higher salary, in my view, is going too far.

Reward should be related to the performance, including diligence, productivity and the amount of labor. Seeing some lazy graduates being well paid is so provocative. Likewise, the undergraduates who always mistake their assignments are not deserved the high reward. Bonus and high salary should always be gained to the people with a good working attitude and good performance. It is so unfair for the productive people to have a lower salary. In a broader perspective, if a shiftless person could obtain a high salary employment just because he have attended the famous university, that undoubtedly would frustrate most people. Their great passion and enthusiasm are dampened.

Further, a well-educated student might rich in theory. However, it does not mean that they are necessarily to have a high skill. Instead of seeking for employees who are equipped with theoretical knowledge, I believe most employers would prefer to the experienced workforces. That is basically due to the latter are more familiar to the job and can fulfill the tasks better, indirectly leading to much profit to the companies, which meets the demand of the proprietors. It is therefore the experienced workforce should be offered a higher pay.

To sum up, whether possessing a university degree or not, is not the main determination of getting a high pay work. The truly primary factors are the performance and experience of the employees.

April 1, 2012
10:12 am
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writefix
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Hi Alison

Maybe people were afraid to comment on your essay!  Here are a few suggestions:

Word Choice/Word Form/Usage

  • workforces == > workers or employees.
  • prefer to ==> prefer
  • gained to ==> gained by
  • so provocative/ so unfair ==> very provocative/very unfair
  • shiftless ==> lazy or irresponsible
  • familiar to the job ==> familiar with the job
  • That is basically due to the latter are more familiar = That is because the latter OR That is due to the fact that the latter

Verb Tense

  • That undoubtedly would frustrate most people. Their great passion and enthusiasm are dampened ==>
    That undoubtedly would frustrate most people. Their great passion and enthusiasm would be dampened
  • Further, a well-educated student might rich in theory ==>
    Further, a well-educated student might be rich in theory
  • More and more people convince that university graduates should earn much money ==> 
    More and more people are convinced that university graduates should earn much money
  • However, it does not mean that they are necessarily to have a high skill.==>
    However, it does not necessarily mean that they are highly skilled.

Shorten/simplify

With the importance of education is highlighted greatly nowadays, more and more people convince that university graduates should earn much money than the average people.

With the importance of education nowadays, more people are convinced that university graduates should earn more money than other workers.

 

Reward should be related to the performance, including diligence, productivity and the amount of labor ==>
Reward should be related to performance, including diligence and productivity.

But wait! Isn't amount of labor the same as productivity? And isn't diligence and productivty the same as performance? I know it's tough to leave out such nice words!

Reward should be related to performance
 

That is basically due to the latter are more familiar to the job and can fulfill the tasks better, indirectly leading to much profit to the companies, which meets the demand of the proprietors.

Avoid using the words 'latter' or 'former' - they force the reader to go back. Let's also shorten the bit (unnecessary detail?) about proprietors.

That is because experienced workers are more familiar with the job and can fulill their tasks better, leading to increased profits for companies and shareholders.

Word Order/Misplaced or Modifier

Instead of seeking for employees who are equipped with theoretical knowledge, I believe most employers would prefer to the experienced workforces.

The "I" part of the sentence refers back to the first part. The employers are seeking: you need to change the word order:

Instead of seeking employees with theoretical knowledge, most employers prefer to recruit experienced workers.

Overall, I really liked some of the words - 'dampened' and 'diligent' and 'shiftless' -  it's a shame to throw some of them out!

April 1, 2012
11:36 pm
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Dongguan, China
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Forum Posts: 88
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March 2, 2012
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Hi, Enda, thanks for your suggestions, thanks a lot. I am going to take the test on the 12nd this month( it scares me to death!), so your suggestions are extremelly useful for me at this period.

 

Afarid? Why? I think they might be too busy to comment others' essays, preparing for their IELTS test, just like me.

OH, it almost drives me crazy, especially when consider that there is a strong possibility of the emerging of flowchart, I have not practice it yet!

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