Hello Naheed and thanks for this essay
- We live in the world ==> We live in a world with limited resources.
- I will discuss importance of law and effects of breaking laws in society. ==> I will discuss the importance of law and the effects of breaking laws on society.
- There are several reasons why laws are significant for the society. ==> There are several reasons why laws are significant for society.
- Patience from citizens is prerequisite ==> Patience from citizens is a prerequisite
- Otherwise, the chaos and disturbance in society is inevitable. ==> Otherwise, chaos and disturbance in society is inevitable.
- Generally, if the idea is intangible or abstract (you cannot touch it) - there is NO article - happiness, religion, joy, peace, chaos, life, etc.
- If a specific thing is being talked about, you need 'the' or 'a/an' - "Islam is the main religion in Indonesia" or "The happiness I felt when I became a father was immeasurable" or "Good eyesight is a prerequisite for being a pilot"
This is not a full sentence:
Although certain laws are essential to maintain the peace in society.
Be careful with 'Although' - I recommend NOT using "Although," "But," "So," "Because," "And," and "For" at the start of sentences. Leave them until after the exam!
The easy way to fix a fragment problem is to join to the previous or next sentence.
Although certain laws are essential to maintain a peaceful society, some people consider these rules an restriction on their liberty.
In fact, how dangerous is driving under influence of alcohol. That causing fatalities and injuries of innocent people.
This could be rewritten as:
Driving under the influence of alcohol causes fatalities and injuries for innocent people.
Verb Tense: Passive
Avoid the passive. It's harder to get right.
Disobedience of law often consider as a right.
- Disobedience is often considered a right. OR
- Disobedience is often considered to be a right. OR
- Many people consider it their right to disobey laws.
If people know what are their duties and rights, it would definitely help them to enjoy their freedom ==>
If people know what their duties and rights are, it would definitely help them to enjoy their freedom
But it's not needed at all: here's a shorter version:
Knowing their duties and rights helps people to enjoy their freedom.
Simplify, simplify, simplify, and explain...
In the sentence below, it's better to specify the consequences. Don't forget that the IELTS tasks asks for your opinion and examples.
Abiding law attitude not only helps people to perform their chores safely but prevents adverse consequences.
If people have a law-abiding attitude, they can go about their daily life safely and avoid problems with the police.
Another important point is that following laws respects merit.
Naheed, I have no idea what this means. Can you help? The sentence after it does not help. It starts with the word "Moreover" which means a new idea or something additional. It's not used in the correct way here.
Another important point is that following laws respects merit. Moreover, desecration of merit would reflect as instability and utter chaos in society.
Simplify: do you mean something like:
- Another important point is that following laws is the right thing to do. Our religion and cultural values stress the importance of obeying the reasonable rules of our government. OR
- Another important point is that laws are necessary. Without laws, society would become unstable and chaotic.
Opinions and examples
In fact, violation of laws often results in discrimination.
There is no problem with the English in this sentence, but it needs examples to explain how people are discriminated against when they break laws.
The example of guns might be better after the example of drunk driving.
Overall, Naheed, try try try to simplify. Avoid using the passive and write more about people. Give examples for every idea.