Hi Ma-Frank

Thanks for your essay.

Nominalizations

Your essay is a bit dense, and that means it’s not the easiest to read. There are a lot of nouns or nominalizations in yours sentences. You should try for a simpler, more flowing style.  Nouns or nominalizations slow down your sentences. Try to have fewer nouns in your sentences, or to replace them with adjectives or verbs. 

You wrote:

It is fair that beneficiaries of natural resources bear environment cost when developers take advantages of natural resource to earn returns for their investments.

It’s 24 words long, which is about the maximum I recommend for a sentence in IELTS. But it has at least 10 nouns or noun phrases. That’s too many in one sentence. You are using some adjectives in the noun form rather than adjective form (e.g. ‘environment’ where you should have ‘environmental.’). You also could use simpler words or replace nouns with verbs.  You also leave out many articles in your sentences, and this makes the essay very terse, or telegraphic and dense.

Here’s another, with five nouns or noun phrases:

Of course, overwhelming developers are companies and private individuals who are engaging in various sectors and using natural resources.

Here’s another, with eight nouns or noun phrases.

Environment cost is one item of whole operation costs, which is widely accepted by accounting principles and economic regulations in the world.

Here’s another:

In conclusion, we should follow benefit approach to judge who is debtor of compensating environmental exploration.

Grammar teachers might disagree with me about the exact definition of the term noun or noun phrase, but the effect in your sentences is that a lot of nouns or words that look like nouns make your writing heavy and dense and hard work.

Ideas

You don't have that many ideas in the body. There is quite a lot of repetition. Here's a rewrite of your essay with most of your ideas and structure, but it only has 226 words.

Most economic development has an effect on the natural environment. In my opinion, the people who benefit from economic progress should pay for the cleanup, whether they are governments, companies, or private individuals. In this essay, I will explain why each of us needs to take responsibility for maintaining our environment.

If developers make money from using a natural resource, then it is only fair that they should pay. It doesn’t matter whether they are private companies, public businesses or government itself.  What is important is that they should commit to safeguarding the environment. The cost to the environment must be reflected in the company or organization’s operation costs, and this is being widely accepted by accounting principles worldwide.

The bulk of development in most countries is by private or public companies. However, in many countries some large mining or development companies are operated by state-owned organizations. These have perhaps an even greater responsibility to protect the environment and natural resources for their shareholders and taxpayers. Governments need to set a clear example of sustainable, responsible development.

In conclusion we need to understand the real cost of economic progress. The price we pay for a product must reflect its environmental cost, and the individuals, companies and organizations must act to see that short-term profits for a few do not mean a poorer planet for us all.