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Could globalization lead to the total loss of cultural identity?
Topic Rating: 0 Topic Rating: 0 Topic Rating: 0 Topic Rating: 0 Topic Rating: 0 Topic Rating: 0 (0 votes) 
July 22, 2012
11:34 pm
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As mass communication and transport continue to grow, societies are becoming more and more alike leading to a phenomenon known as globalization. Some people fear that globalization will inevitably lead to the total loss of cultural identity.
To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?


Rapid advancements in communication and transport has converted the world into a so-called small village .This phenomenon is also referred as globalization literally. In this essay some reasons will be expressed which illustrate how globalization could be beneficial for cultural identity.

With recent developments in transportation, not only the cost of travelling is decreased, but also various forms of transportation have become accessible to more people. As a result, people are less concerned about the hardship and total cost of travelling. This convenience directly affects the number of global trips in a positive way.  Undoubtedly, more travel around the world, brings the possiblity of easier exchange and proliferation of cultures.

Moreover, globalization has imporved the potential of tourism industry in many nations in recent years. Now more countries, eventhough less developped, can attract more tourists by presenting their modern roads or telecommuncation systems. One of the many advantages of tourists’ presence in a country can be presenting the country’s history and culture through special programmes or suvenirs. Also, the fact that the tourism industry causes direct and indirect economical advancements is admireable.

Also many nations have leveraged the potential of globalization and fortified their national culture through communicative means such as Internet radios. With the advent of internet radios, the burden of distance abolished completely. Every hour of day, hundreds of thousands of freely available stations broadcast their country’s culture to the globe. Although internet radio programs are very diverse, but it is a very strong instrument for cultural trades.

The globalization always has been and will be a symptom for development. Sustainable cultural development using the good of mass communication and transport has been achieved by many nations so far therefore, the idea that globalization ruins cultural identity is absolutely unbaked.

July 23, 2012
3:37 am
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Hi rshdwork,

Below are some comments:

 

    Rapid advancements in communication and transport has converted the world into a so-called small village .This phenomenon is also referred as globalization literally. In this essay some reasons will be expressed which illustrate how globalization could be beneficial for cultural identity.

Rapid advancements in communication and transportation have transformed the world into a so-called 'small village'. This phenomenon is also referred as globalization. In this essay I will examine reasons to show how globalization could be beneficial for cultural identity.

    With recent developments in transportation, not only the cost of travelling is decreased, but also various forms of transportation have become accessible to more people. As a result, people are less concerned about the hardship and total cost of travelling. This convenience directly affects the number of global trips in a positive way.  Undoubtedly, more travel around the world, brings the possiblity of easier exchange and proliferation of cultures.

 with recent developments  in transportation , not only has the cost of traveling decreased, but also various forms of transportation have become accessible to more people. As a result, people are less concerned about the hardship and cost of traveling. This convenience directly affects the number of global trips in a positive way. In fact, this easy interaction among cultures makes it easier for traditions to be exchanged.

Moreover, globalization has imporved the potential of tourism industry in many nations in recent years. Now more countries, eventhough less developped, can attract more tourists by presenting their modern roads or telecommuncation systems. One of the many advantages of tourists’ presence in a country can be presenting the country’s history and culture through special programmes or suvenirs. Also, the fact that the tourism industry causes direct and indirect economical advancements is admireable.

Moreover, globalization has improved the potential of tourism in many nations in recent years. Now even under developed countries, can attract more tourists by using telecommunications systems. Through these new devices such as satellites or movies, they can present their history and tourist attractions to attract more tourists. It is not surprising that the tourism industry brings many economical advancements, both direct and indirect, to those countries.


Also many nations have leveraged the potential of globalization and fortified their national culture through communicative means such as Internet radios. With the advent of internet radios, the burden of distance abolished completely. Every hour of day, hundreds of thousands of freely available stations broadcast their country’s culture to the globe. Although internet radio programs are very diverse, but it is a very strong instrument for cultural trades.

Also many nations could broadcast their national cultures through the Internet. With the advent of internet, the burden of distance is abolished completely.Every hour of day, hundreds of thousands of freely available stations broadcast their country’s culture to the globe.


The globalization always has been and will be a symptom for development. Sustainable cultural development using the good of mass communication and transport has been achieved by many nations so far therefore, the idea that globalization ruins cultural identity is absolutely unbaked.

Globalization is and always will be a major factor in the development of culture. Sustainable cultural development using the good of mass communication and transportation already have been achieved by many nations. The idea that globalization destroys cultural identity is false.


*** Firstly I should say that it would be better you already paste your essay in Microsoft Office to check and get rid of all red and green errors. Many spelling errors found in your essay. I see you used some very nice non-generic native-like text. In some sentences you need to develop them, not just put your idea barely. And I guess you need to put more ideas not just say about communications in two paragraphs.


Best regards,


July 23, 2012
10:56 pm
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Dear Biran,

Thanks a lot for your time.

I have no idea about the difference of being generic and non-generic!

Can you explain me what are non-generic native-like text and why they are

good in essays?

 

Regards,

July 25, 2012
4:44 pm
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Hi Rshdwork

Brian is using a phrase from a report on language use in IELTS essays.

'Non-generic native-like text' means simply correct English that does not look as if it is a memorized sentence!

For example this is correct English:

In this essay I will analyse the positive and negative aspects of this trend.

But it's generic: it could be used in a million essays. And some people spend hours and months remembering sentences like this. Memorization can help, but people should not rely on it as the only means to a high score. Many examiners effectively block out many of these chunks. You can see more examples of tired old phrases and generic sentences here and here.

On the other hand, here are two of your sentences which are correct and which I doubt anyone would bother memorizing:

Hundreds of thousands of freely available stations broadcast their country’s culture to the globe.

As a result, people are less concerned about the hardship and total cost of travelling.

They are specific to the topic AND correct in both grammar and style.  In other words, a native speaker might have come up with these phrases.  Well done.

Thanks

A big thanks to Brian for his rewrites. Some very good ideas there.

Word Choice/Word Form/Usage

Don’t use Although and But in the same sentence:

  • Although internet radio programs are very diverse, but it is a very strong instrument for cultural trades. → Internet radio programs are very diverse and are a very useful means of spreading culture.  OR  Although internet radio programs are very diverse, they are a very strong instrument for spreading awareness of other cultures.

You wrote:

Now more countries, eventhough less developped, can attract more tourists by presenting their modern roads or telecommuncation systems. One of the many advantages of tourists’ presence in a country can be presenting the country’s history and culture through special programmes or suvenirs.

There are two different meanings of ‘present’ above.’ Neither is exactly right. Brian suggested some good rewrites: Here’s another possible version. In any case, why reuse vocabulary? Show the examiners what you've got! Here's a rewrite:

Now even less developed countries have modern roads and telecommunication systems which make it easier to attract tourists. Tourism can also focus attention on a country’s culture.

It becomes clear now that the two ideas are not linked. Here’s a complete rewrite with a topic sentence.

Apart from the money spent directly by visitors, tourism can help a country in several ways. First, it can improve a country’s infrastructure. Airports, roads, hotels and telecommunication systems built for tourists also serve residents and encourage business development. A second point is that tourism can renew pride in the country’s culture, heritage and history. As tourists enjoy traditional performances or purchase souvenirs, local people are encouraged to practice their music, dance, handicrafts, architecture or food.

I like the idea of internet radio, but I agree with Brian that it’s a little unusual and that perhaps you need more ideas. I would imagine that there are more powerful global influences at work than radio programs. Maybe more examples would help.

Shorten/Simplify

This 30-word sentence is too long and has too many ideas. You wrote:

Sustainable cultural development using the good of mass communication and transport has been achieved by many nations so far therefore, the idea that globalization ruins cultural identity is absolutely unbaked.

Let’s break it up into separate sentences. Here’s one possible rewrite:

Many countries have successfully succeeded in developing their economies while protecting their cultural identity. The idea therefore that globalization ruins cultural identity is unfounded.

Clarify

You wrote:

Moreover, globalization has improved the potential of tourism industry in many nations in recent years. (15 words)

What does this sentence mean? It’s not long, but it’s vague and unfocused.  Try to pin down vague terms. Here are six shorter and, I hope, clearer sentences:

  • Globalization has increased tourism. (4 words)  OR
  • Tourism is a part of globalization
  • Tourism is an important part of globalization.
  • Tourism is growing rapidly.
  • As more people travel, ideas are spreading more quickly.
  • Tourism contributes to globalization by increasing contacts between cultures.

Here’s another sentence that sounds good, but doesn’t really say anything:

The globalization always has been and will be a symptom for development.

A symptom is a sign of a disease, so it has a negative meaning here

Do you mean

  • Globalization is necessary for a country’s development
  • Without globalization, development is impossible
  • Increased openness is always a result of economic development
  • Globalization is the cost we have to pay for economic development

 Passives/Shorten/Simplify

In this essay some reasons will be expressed which illustrate how globalization could be beneficial for cultural identity.→ In this essay I will show how globalization could be beneficial for cultural identity.

Avoid passives if you can. It’s an opinion essay.  It’s also your essay. Who else would express reasons? Why hide?  If you really don’t want to say “I,” say

This essay will show that globalization could be beneficial for cultural identity.

Fuzzy

You wrote:

This convenience directly affects the number of global trips in a positive way. 

What positive way? Just say it!

More people are traveling.

Punctuation

This sentence does not need the second comma. 

 Undoubtedly, more travel around the world, brings the possiblity of easier exchange and proliferation of cultures.

Don’t separate the subject (‘more travel’) from its verb (‘brings’)

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