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Is change good for us? Or should we keep on doing the same old thing? (2)
Topic Rating: 5 Topic Rating: 5 Topic Rating: 5 Topic Rating: 5 Topic Rating: 5 Topic Rating: 5 (1 votes) 
April 13, 2012
10:53 am
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Some people prefer to spend their lives doing the same things and avoiding change. Others, however, think that change is always a good thing. Discuss!

Change is a central concept in modern life. Some people make changes in their life frequently while others try to avoid them whenever possible. Both positions will be analyses before a conclusion is reached on how to deal with change in one’s life.

On the one hand, change can enrich and improve our lifes and enable progress and  innovation. It is evident that people who make changes in their life gain a broader range of experiences. For example a person that hold different positions over their work life will have a broader perspective than an employee staying in the same position for a long time. Without change innovations and invention can not happen. Many inventions originate from a single persons will to change something. Change can improve people’s life by enabling them to start a new job or relationship if they were unsatisfied with their situation.

On the other hand, many undertakings in life require some stability and persistence to be a success. Some ventures, like mastering a field or building a relationship may need patience and persistence rather than giving up easily and opting for a change. For example, having a family requires a stable environment. In some situations it can be worth avoiding changes in favour of stability or security . Finally, new is not always better. In many cases people are too excites about the novelty of something to consider the side effects of a potential change.

All in all, change always implies a chance and a risk. No progress can be made without change but it is worth considering the side effects of change. Stability and safety may sometimes outweigh the chances and experiences gained by making changes.

April 15, 2012
1:38 am
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Tehran
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April 3, 2012
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Dear Sir, It is my introduction:

 

What would have happened if Thomas Edison had believed that change was futile? But, was he able to invent the light bulb without concentrating on it for years? In fact, he was pursuing his goals quite constantly. I deeply believe that conservative methods always lead to old results. nevertheless, achievement is an old result too.

 

thanks

April 16, 2012
5:38 pm
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writefix
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Hello Katiss!

Thanks for your essay!

As usual, I’ve only a handful of minor edits.

Intro

You wrote:

Change is a central concept in modern life. Some people make changes in their life frequently while others try to avoid them whenever possible. Both positions will be analyses before a conclusion is reached on how to deal with change in one’s life.

Why not avoid the passive and give the conclusion? Don’t hold us in suspense!  Remember one rule for public speaking-  tell them what you are going to tell them, then tell them, then them what you told them!

Here are some possible changes:

… before I suggest that not all change is good.

OR

…before I suggest that while change can be beneficial, sometimes we need stability as well.

Usage

  • In many cases people are too excites → . In many cases people are too excited
  • Many inventions originate from a single persons will → Many inventions originate from a single person’s will (possessive!)
  • Both positions will be analyses → Both positions will be analysed
  • change can enrich and improve our lifes → change can enrich and improve our lives.

Another excellent essay.

April 16, 2012
5:42 pm
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writefix
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Hi Ali

Thanks for practising these intros!

You wrote

What would have happened if Thomas Edison had believed that change was futile? But, was he able to invent the light bulb without concentrating on it for years? In fact, he was pursuing his goals quite constantly. I deeply believe that conservative methods always lead to old results. nevertheless, achievement is an old result too.

I would make one or two changes towards the end. I would also either do a verb tense change to conditional in your second sentence just to be consistent, and I would get back closer to the topic in the last sentence:

What would have happened if Thomas Edison had believed that change was futile? But, would he have been able to invent the light bulb if he had not concentrated on it for years? In fact, he was pursuing his goals quite constantly. I deeply believe that conservative methods always lead to old results. Nevertheless, change and new experiences are also important. In this essay, I will....

April 17, 2012
7:38 am
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Writing just kills me, i dont really know what to do about it. Overall 8.0 but only 6.5 in writing.

Practising seems to not help at all...

April 18, 2012
1:58 pm
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writefix
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That’s very disappointing,  Katiss, but don’t be discouraged. 6.5 seems too low too me. Perhaps you had a tough topic or went  slightly off-topic.

I am sure that you will do much better next time. That sounds like a platitude, I know,  but you are a skilled writer.

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