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Who has more influence - politicians or scientists?
Topic Rating: 3 Topic Rating: 3 Topic Rating: 3 Topic Rating: 3 Topic Rating: 3 Topic Rating: 3 (1 votes) 
April 5, 2012
4:46 pm
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Some people think that politicians have the greatest influence on the world. Other people, however, believe that scientists have the greatest influence. Discuss both of views and give your opinion.


On the one hand, people believe that politicians are the greatest impact on the world. On the other hand, insist that scientist’s affecting is the foremost on the current world. Following are my different views between politicians and scientists.

First, to cities, the most essential strategy is policy, but planning should be enforced by politicians. If policy is implementing well, people’s life better, namely national security, personal freedom, and economics.

 Obama, Bush, Regan all are the most remarkable role on the world. For example, they preserve human right for voting, freedom of speech and freedom of democracy. Besides, they assist people to achieve their goal, hence argument economy. Secondly, politicians can ask the government to create more job opportunity for unemployed workers, because of this, people believe that politicians outweigh scientists.

 However, people think that scientists have played the most significant role and created the most productive products. Addressing global problems and promoting urbanization cannot be expanded without scientists, such as infrastructure and the pace of life, these ideas should progress through the technology explosion. Take Steve Jobs for example. His way of thinking and products, Apple, has inspired the human race in electrically research, mentally, and also physically.

In my view, both politicians and scientist are essential to this society, because technology and discipline is dispensable in a development city. For politicians, they could cope with heinous crime problems, make law, and give an interactive policy between countries to countries. Even so , in terms of scientists, as they discover numerous natural resources, people could have them to enhance life of effective, such as computer, the Internet. Finally, I strongly believe that politicians and scientists both are important on our present world.     

    

April 5, 2012
10:48 pm
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Hi Nick,

 

Thanks you for giving you advice in my last essay.

I had read this essay..this is a good topic and well explanation .

I think my english is very poor, I cant find any mistake in your essay..Hope other nice people can give you some advice...

 

Best regards,

jlim

April 6, 2012
4:48 pm
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Hi  Nick and thanks for this essay

Introduction

On the one hand, people believe that politicians are the greatest impact on the world. On the other hand, insist that scientist’s affecting is the foremost on the current world. Following are my different views between politicians and scientists.

Your intro is a little too similar to the question. An IELTS examiner may penalize you by not including these sentences in the word count.

One thing you can do is use synonyms (instead of politicians, use “political figures” or “leaders” or “dictators, prime ministers, heads of government”). Another strategy is to change the tense. A third approach is to change statements into questions (or vice versa):

Who has had the biggest impact on our world? Has it been political figures, such as the presidents, prime ministers and other leaders who have led us into war and peace? Or has it been the scientists who have saved millions of lives, or invented weapons that could destroy the planet?

Your thesis sentence is a little weak. Why not give your opinion and say what you are going to do?

Following are my different views between politicians and scientists.

Here's a rewrite:

In this essay, I will explain why it is impossible to decide which group has had the bigger impact

Number of Ideas

You have two ideas in your second and third paragraphs. I think three is a magic number.  Think of the standard seven-sentence paragraph:

  • The  topic sentence
  • Idea 1
  • Idea 1 example or more information
  • Idea 2
  • Idea 3 example or more information
  • Idea 3
  • Idea 3 example or more information

Usage/Word Choice

Obama, Bush, Regan all are the most remarkable role on the world. ==> Politicians such as Obama, Bush, and Reagan have a most remarkable role on the world stage.

Besides, they assist people to achieve their goal, hence argument economy. ==>  Besides, they help their citizens to become more prosperous and therefore improve the economy

His way of thinking and products, Apple, has inspired the human race in electrically research, mentally, and also physically  ==>   His way of thinking and his products, such as the Apple computer, the iPod and the iPhone, have inspired us and revolutionized computing, communication, and entertainment.

Finally, I strongly believe that politicians and scientists both are important on our present world.   ==> Finally, I strongly believe that politicians and scientists both are important in our world.

Technology and discipline is dispensable in a development city ==>  Scientific technology and leadership are both indispensable in a developed society.

Keep Sentences Short!

Addressing global problems and promoting urbanization cannot be expanded without scientists, such as infrastructure and the pace of life, these ideas should progress through the technology explosion.

That’s 27 words -  it’s a bit too long, and has some parts which could be left out:

Global problems cannot be addressed without scientists. Advances in technology and our improved lifestyles have all come about through the work of scientists. (23 words, average 11.5 word per sentence)

Run-On/Comma Splice

Be careful not to join separate sentences with a comma

Secondly, politicians can ask the government to create more job opportunity for unemployed workers, because of this, people believe that politicians outweigh scientists.

Here’s a rewrite:

Secondly, politicians can create job opportunities for unemployed workers. This increases their popularity, whereas scientists are largely unknown and unrecognized.

Here’s another:

Even so , in terms of scientists, as they discover numerous natural resources, people could have them to enhance life of effective, such as computer, the Internet.

Here’s a rewrite

As scientists discover natural resources and develop new technologies, people’s lives are enhanced. 

Thanks again.

April 6, 2012
4:54 pm
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Hi jLim

Don't worry about your level of English -  I am sure it is good enough to make a comment! We all learn from our mistakes. Don't be shy! 

Thanks for your essays and comments

April 7, 2012
4:49 pm
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Hello Mr'writefix
 First of all, I want to thanks again for your correction and so many advices, and it is because of this,I think that I'm on the right track!

 Secondly,after I read your correction on my essays,I'm sort of having some questions which I was confusing for a while! The question is about the three magic number of ideas and ideas examples in two and three paragraph!

 How can I write seven sentences which include three ideas and three idea examples?

  like this,

  • The  topic sentence
  • Idea 1
  • Idea 1 example or more information
  • Idea 2
  • Idea 3 example or more information
  • Idea 3
  • Idea 3 example or more information

 

Were my essay's examples and ideas too weak or too complicated?

I think that is quite hard,because I have to point out one effect and one cause by using  two sentences!

Can you teach me some tips that be able to simplify sentence!

Then,Actually,I will being anxious after I see your correction because I think I'm too weak to get great band

April 8, 2012
7:44 pm
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Hi Nick
Your problem is the same one that Youtthasack mentions here. It’s a common problem -  how to get ideas?
I don’t have a magic solution. Everybody has a different approach. The thing NOT to do is to start writing before you have some ideas, because the 40-minute time limit in IELTS  does not give you enough time to start again.

Start with vocab. Underline every important word in the question. Then write down every word that comes to your mind related to that word. There is no wrong answer– just write down what comes. Your brain will start to expand around the topic.

Here’s an example (click the picture to enlarge) Scientists or PoliticiansImage Enlarger

If we underline the words ‘scientist’, ‘politician’, ‘impact’, ‘greater’, etc., then we can start brainstorming. What does politician mean – Mandela or Pol Pot? Bush or Saddam? A local councilor or the president of the USA? What does impact mean -  short term or long term? A five year impact or an impact that will last hundreds of years by changing society or by improving our lives? What does scientist mean – someone famous like Einstein or Newton with their theories, or people we’ve never heard of,  workers for the World Health Organization, people who help prevent epidemics or who are developing new medicines or who are improving food yields.

Tips

Write related words, and then their opposite. Use antonyms and synonyms.

Change word forms. Make nouns into verbs: change politician (noun) into verbs like ‘lead, govern, rule, administer, fight, push, force, invade, consolidate, develop’). Change verbs into nouns. Change nouns into adjectives: impact can become ‘encouraging, developing, repressive, erroneous, strong, weak.’

You can always organize through the past and present: one paragraph about politicians/scientists in the past (the Lenins, the Einsteins) and today (drug companies, research, Asean, European Union).

You could also choose your country as an example: What effect do politicians have in Egypt, or China, or the US today? What about Egyptian, or Chinese, or Bangladeshi scientists?

Your problem will soon be too many ideas, not too few. Of course you have to do this quickly. You can take up to 10 minutes to think or plan. Unfortunately, most IELTS students only spend a few seconds before starting to write the introduction and again before each paragraph. Not good!

OK, here’s one possible layout for a 7-or-8-sentence paragraph on this topic

  1. Topic: Scientists have a huge impact
  2. Idea 1: Famous scientists have global impact
  3. Example/more info: Newton, Einstein, Curie
  4. Idea 2: Some scientists less well known
  5. Example/more info: Nobel prizes -  who remembers?
  6. Idea 3: Most scientists are anonymous
  7. Example/more info: laboratories, research, tiny improvements
  8. Summary sentence

Here’s a paragraph with these ideas. There could be a thousand others.

Scientists have changed our world. First of all, some scientists have forced us to completely change how we view ourselves. Newton’s laws of physics, Galileo’s observations, and Darwin’s theory of evolution changed basic human ideas and beliefs. Other scientists are still famous, but not so well known. Who remembers the 2002 Nobel prizewinner for Physics? But the bulk of the incredible advances in science and technology in our world today are tiny contributions by tens of millions of scientists, researchers and technicians, working in labs or in the field. Without the hard work of these people our lives would be shorter, more painful, and less amazing.

105 words, 14.8 words per sentence on average

April 13, 2012
3:12 pm
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Here's an easier paragraph -  again with 7 sentences (a topic sentence and three ideas, each with more information or an example). 

Scientists and politicians have always been closely related. First of all, politicians can claim scientific breakthroughs for themselves. When Russian scientists were the first to orbit the moon, the Soviet Union scored a huge political victory over the USA. Secondly, scientists need money from the politicians. Research such as the huge CERN collider under the French-Swiss border requires vast investment from many governments. In addition, sometimes scientists become political targets. Several researchers and scientists have been attacked or assassinated because of their work. 

May 9, 2012
5:52 pm
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I would like to add my essay here:


Some people think that politicians have the greatest influence on the world. Other people, however, believe that scientists have the greatest influence. Discuss both views and give your opinion.


 

Politicians and scientists have plenty of followers worldwide. However, their field of work is entirely different. Both the groups have a  different kind of personalities which attract people.

Firstly, let me discuss how politicians have a huge fan following. People who indulge in politics are diplomatic, wise and charismatic. However, they are also self-motivated and ruthless if they face any revolt. The surprising part is even the politicians with certain negative aspects also influence the masses. For example, in India politicians are like magicians. They lure the innocent villager as well the rich and intelligent industrialists with their sweet talk. Such is the influence of the politicians. The word 'politics' is itself dirty for some people.On the contrary, there have been some selfless politicians who had even laid their precious lives for the sake of the people of their county. No Indian can forget the role of Mahatma Gandhi in the Indian history.

Secondly, let me bring forth the influence of scientists among people. Unlike the politicians, scientists attract people for their useful contribution to the developing world. They are revered universally for their priceless invention of simple household gadgets and gizmos to complicated jet airplanes and nuclear weapons. Their names are written in golden letters in the world of science and will never be wiped out in the near future.The people of world had always admired them and surely many young scientists will be in the same position.Indian Ex- president Dr.Abdul Kalam is a good example of such people.

In conclusion, although some people might feel that politicians attract the masses with their glitter of money and muscle power, I firmly believe that scientists are real heroes and are respected and idolized by people of the world for making this world a better place to live in.

May 11, 2012
7:21 pm
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Hello Radha and thanks for this essay. Some nice phrases and sentences and a clear layout.

I think some reorganization is needed in Para 2, but the main suggestion I would make is perhaps to replace the slightly over-the-top exaggeration in Paragraph 3 with some specific examples. Who are some of the famous scientists you describe?

Agreement

Both the groups have a  different kind of personalities → Both groups have different kind of personalities

Pronoun reference

The people of world had always admired them and surely many young scientists will be in the same position → Unclear pronoun reference.

Introduction

Your intro would be stronger with a thesis sentence. You could change your third sentence into a thesis sentence AND you could give your opinion

I will explain that although politicians may have more charisma, scientists are more respected.

Word Choice

  • let me bring forth the influence of scientists among people →let us examine/look at/ focus on/analyze/discuss/
  • gadgets and gizmos → in ten years, no one will be the word 'gizmo.' Yes, the IELTS descriptors look for 'less common lexical items with some awareness of style and collocation’  but the word gizmo is a buzz word, and is now dangerously overused.

Reorganize -  group related ideas

Your paragraph about politicians goes from plus to minus to plus. Why not keep all the plusses together? Here’s one possible reorganization with all the plus factors first and then the negative ones:

Firstly, many politicians are diplomatic, wise and charismatic. Some selfless politicians have even laid down their lives for the sake of their people. No Indian can forget the role of Mahatma Gandhi in Indian history. However, they can also be self-motivated and ruthless if they face any revolt. The surprising part is even the politicians with certain negative aspects also influence the masses. For example, in India politicians are like magicians. They lure the innocent villager as well the rich and intelligent industrialists with their sweet talk. Such is the influence of the politicians that the word 'politics' is itself dirty for some people. 

Usage/Verb tense

Be careful with the past perfect (e.g. ‘had been admired’) and try to avoid it unless one thing happened before another. It’s not standard usage.

Exaggeration/Generalization

You wrote:

Secondly, let me bring forth the influence of scientists among people. Unlike the politicians, scientists attract people for their useful contribution to the developing world. They are revered universally for their priceless invention of simple household gadgets and gizmos to complicated jet airplanes and nuclear weapons. Their names are written in golden letters in the world of science and will never be wiped out in the near future.The people of world had always admired them and surely many young scientists will be in the same position.Indian Ex- president Dr.Abdul Kalam is a good example of such people. 

In conclusion, although some people might feel that politicians attract the masses with their glitter of money and muscle power, I firmly believe that scientists are real heroes and are respected and idolized by people of the world for making this world a better place to live in.

Whoa!

I know what you mean, but don’t go over the top. Try to control your excitement: I doubt if most people could name more than a handful of scientists, so to say that they are ‘idolized’ or ‘revered’ or that their names are ‘written in golden letters’ is too much. 

What else could we say? Any ideas anyone, or should we just be boring and replace these terms with more, well, boring ones?

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