Well done, guys.
just make some quick comments on it.
1. spelling: now a day-> nowadays.
2.I completely disagree with the view that schools are only focussed(focused) on producing productive members of a society not paying attention to the children's individual development.
1):Personally i reckon it sounds better get rid of "the view .." as in you have mentioned the view earlier
2) "produce" is used for a thing not for the person. i guess you might want to say "foster" or cultivate (personally prefer to user "foster")
3) by the way, "not paying attention to " adding words like "rather than(even something else depending on your structure)" is better, but i reckon you rewrite this sentence.
3. our dearest admin suggests that DO NOT use "cliches" , it is certainly true is one of them.
On the one hand,School plays a significant role for(in) making children a good citizen and skilled workers, does it look much clearer?
4. Students are given lessons about the responsibility of an effective (i dont think it is appropriate..)citizen by an expert teacher in an interesting way. This helps the kid to acquire such knowledge in their pure minds.
(hmmmm, how about "the school teaches students how to be responsible citizens. This helps prevent violence and encourages students to realize that they can make a positive difference in the society") PlLUS, "the kid " is too informal
5.pupils are trained skills like computer programs that are beneficial for their future jobs
(the pupils learn skills(or acquire knowledge) like computer literacy and blah blah, which are beneficial for their future jobs.... )
6. Such an effort made by school will obviously enable the children to secure a particular job in the future.
(Thus, it increases the students' chances of getting a better job in the future.)
I would like to point out that while teaching how to become a good citizen and skilled workers (inconsistent singular/plural nouns) they are taught about their individual development as well , by the way, i dont get what you mean.....
8. An important character that a person should harbour for achieving success are discipline and hardworking.
(you write " an" in the beginning then "are" ???? btw, harbour ...hmm...i do not think it is an appropriate word here.), the rest has been pointed out then i skip.....lol
9.So, children who are obedient, loyal, trustworthy, dedicated and devoted to what they do can only become an outstanding adult, an excellent citizen and employer as well.
(WOW.....not really necessary to make a list of "so many virtues"...lol) on top of that, this sentence........rewrite it....
10. i reckon "for instance" is enough for your example...
students who are not co operative can not maintain peace and harmony in their personal, social and working life
can not maintain peace and harmony......this.....hmmmm.....
11. i conclude (by) saying that ... and last paragraph.....