Hello Nick and welcome to Writefix!
Thanks for this essay on the longer life spans that people in many countries are experiencing now.
Introduction: Make it Specific to the Topic
There is a public controversy nowadays over the issue of longer living, which causes many advantages and disadvantages. In my view, longer living has many side effects.
Nick, be careful to write sentences which refer to the topic. By changing just two words some students think it's ok to use this sentence for any essay. Avoid this.
Globalization: There is a public controversy nowadays over the issue of globalization, which causes many advantages and disadvantages. In my view, globalization has many side effects.
Higher Oil Prices: There is a public controversy nowadays over the issue of globalization, which causes many advantages and disadvantages. In my view, globalization has many side effects.
Polar Bears: There is a public controversy nowadays over the issue of polar bears, which causes many advantages and disadvantages. In my view, polar bears have many side effects.
The examiners know all these sentences and can smell them a mile away. Forget them. Just write about the topic. And forget about the controversy. Most topics in IELTS are not very controversial.
So what should you write? Just write about the topic! You can explain the situation or give a definition or an example. You could talk about the past and the present, or about your country/place and some other worse or better place, or what some people think and what you think.
As life expectancy improves, more and more people are living longer. This means an increased number of older people, and changes in the labor force and in the structure of society. In this essay, I will look at some of the negative effects, such as higher medical costs, and benefits, such as the wisdom and experience of the old.
When people get older and older that parents have to deal with very seriously health funds and need to pay bills from hospital
It's not very clear - is this what you mean?
As people get older, the cost of medical treatment rises considerably. Treating heart conditions, cancers and degenerative diseases is much more expensive than dealing with childhood illnesses.
Longevity will increase the competition with those young people or fresh graduates, which causes preteen should work harder that before
Break this into two sentences:
- Increased longevity will increase the competition with jobs with young people or fresh graduates. Younger students and employees may have to work harder than before.
- As another point of views ==> Another point is that OR From another point of view
- longer living which brings some disadvantage to society ==> longer living brings some disadvantage to society.
- Most countries around the world are experiencing low or declining fertility, which results in a growth number of aging population. ==> growing
You have the same problem in the conclusion as in the introduction - sentences which could be used in any essay. They are not even correct. My recommendation: forget the memorized phrases and sentences, and just write
From what I has been stated above, I insist the longer living has advantage as well as disadvantage. It’s also true that Individuals as well as societies are all affected in both positive and the negative ways.
In conclusion, longer life spans make society wiser and productive, but it may also lead to higher medical costs and taxes and even cause stress in families. We need to change the way we view older people in order to adapt to these changes.
Have a look at what I wrote for Mohammed in his essay on obesity about conclusions, or look here.
I will have a look at your other essays later, but maybe you could have a look first and see if you can edit them before I do!