Welcome!

In the forum on this page you can see IELTS essays by people just like you. Hundreds of people added essays and comments and helped each other to get a great IELTS essay score! Have a look at their amazing writing!

Please note: This forum is closed!

closed

Sorry! However, please enjoy the hundreds of essays and thousands of comments still available here. A HUGE thanks to all the writers who commented and to all the visitors. We hope we've made IELTS writing less scary.

Popular Tags

Click the links below to see essays on that topic.

art business communication children crime culture economy education environment families food freedom globalization
health heritage  leisure media politics science society sports television travel technology transport university violence work

Avatar

Lost password?
Advanced Search

— Forum Scope —




— Match —





— Forum Options —





Minimum search word length is 3 characters - maximum search word length is 84 characters

sp_Feed Topic RSS sp_Related Related Topics sp_TopicIcon
Is prison a waste of money and resources?
Topic Rating: 0 Topic Rating: 0 Topic Rating: 0 Topic Rating: 0 Topic Rating: 0 Topic Rating: 0 (0 votes) 
April 22, 2012
5:53 pm
Avatar
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 39
Member Since:
March 9, 2012
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Some think it is fair for convicts to spend time in prison, while others think that community service would be better for criminals and society. To what extent do you agree or disagree?


Criminal problems are always having a huge effect on society. People think those criminals should do some service that can reduce some guilty from them, while other people believe that they are wasting social resources. In this essay, I will point out some ideas and indicate some reasons for why I disagree by freeing convicts to do service.

It is true that sinner ought to be judged to stay in prison, but prisoners are human beings as well so that the government can provide some system or make laws to release their punishment. First of all, proving some jobs such as building houses and cleaning roads can be a reasonable practice for them. Take building houses for example. There are many homeless people who are living on next by streets, dirty areas and in parks. These prisoners could build some green-houses for the needy. Secondly, wiping the environment is another way to enhance and better our community, and these labor works can be cleaned by criminals. For instance, the industrial areas are the dirtiest part in the city, so sinner can use this chance to show their regards.

On the other hand, I don’t agree that those prisoners can improve and be forgiven in this world. There are two reasons to show my mind. Firstly, it is important to lock those criminals in jail. The reason why I insist on my position is that criminals are the biggest problems in the society such as killing people, sexual abuse and stealing cases. Furthermore, if those criminals are forgiven by this world then they will ruin this society again and again.

To conclude, although criminals have their individual freedom, they are definitely true to stay in prison and cannot be released. As a proverb goes, “once a cheater, always a cheater.”  

April 23, 2012
10:40 am
Avatar
writefix
Guest
Guests

Hello Nick

Thanks for this essay. The biggest problem it has (apart from some word choice e.g. 'sinners' for 'criminals') is the change in opinion. 

Organization

Your paragraph organization is clear -  your first body paragraph is in favour of alternative ways of serving time in prison, and your second body paragraph is opposed. However, the change is not smooth.

You need to move smoothly from one paragraph or idea to another. You used “On the other hand” but this sentence

Firstly, it is important to lock those criminals in jail.

…is too sudden. Nothing in paragraph 1 got us ready for this switch. Which criminals? All, or only those  criminals who have committed serious crimes? 

The next sentence

The reason why I insist on my position is that criminals are the biggest problems in the society such as killing people, sexual abuse and stealing cases.

This is very strong.  There’s no problem with your opinion – you are required to give your opinion!  - but you have to flow from one paragraph  to another. You also need to avoid generalizations. What about people in jail for avoiding tax, traffic violations, fraud or political crimes?

What about a topic sentence like this for the first body paragraph?

For some groups of prisoners with less serious crimes, community service can be useful.

I know you put your in the introduction, but what is the point of your first body paragraph?  Is community service a possible option?

Verb Tense

  • Criminal problems are always having a huge effect on society → Criminal problems have a huge effect on society

Word Choice/Usage

  • Sinner→ convicted criminal/prisoners/offenders/inmates
  • Criminals should do some service that can reduce some guilty from them → Criminals should do some service that can reduce their guilt or repay their debt to society.
  • These prisoners could build some green-houses for the needy → These prisoners could build some accommodation/housing/shelter for the needy
  • wiping the environment is another way to enhance and better our community → cleaning the environment is another way to enhance our community
  • Criminals are the biggest problems in the society such as killing people, sexual abuse and stealing cases
    Murderers, rapists and thieves cause huge problems in society  OR
    Criminals such as murderers and rapists are too dangerous to be freed.  OR
    Some crimes, such as murder or rape, are too serious. People found guilty of these crimes should not be allowed to do community service.

One idea per sentence

There are three parts to this 35-word monster sentence:

It is true that sinner ought to be judged to stay in prison, but prisoners are human beings as well so that the government can provide some system or make laws to release their punishment.

  • Sinners (?) should stay in prison
  • Prisoners are human
  • The government should have different ways to deal with prisoners.

Keep sentences short, and try not to have many ideas in one sentence. Let’s separate and rewrite:

Most people agree that criminals should have to go to prison. However, prisoners are human too. They should have opportunities to learn and eventually return to society. Governments should provide systems that allow convicts to reform and serve society.  (37 words, four sentences)

Forum Timezone: Asia/Dubai

Most Users Ever Online: 299

Currently Online:
9 Guest(s)

Currently Browsing this Page:
1 Guest(s)

Member Stats:

Guest Posters: 1

Members: 172

Moderators: 1

Admins: 2

Forum Stats:

Groups: 1

Forums: 3

Topics: 545

Posts: 2204

Moderators: Newestadmin: 0

Top
Do NOT follow this link or you will be banned from the site!