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Do the benefits of studying abroad justify the difficulties? (2)
Topic Rating: 4 Topic Rating: 4 Topic Rating: 4 Topic Rating: 4 Topic Rating: 4 Topic Rating: 4 (2 votes) 
March 21, 2012
9:02 am
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Doing further studies abroad has become increasingly common in recent decades.How might the advantages of studying in another country outweigh the advantages?


 The number of overseas students has been increasing in recent years. People said students who graduated from foreign country are more remarkable than local students. In this essay, I will look at some positive effects and negative effects. Do any possible effects outweigh the local school?

In some countries, study abroad might cause many effects, which influence the people to decide whether study in another country or not, such as the cost of education, culture problems, and social environment. Take school’s cost for example. Some of the family might not be able to afford the cost of studying, because it is more expansive than local school. Besides, students might not adapt to new communication, it is another concern to parents. Furthermore, study alone is not trusted by some traditional parents. It is too dangerous that living away from family.

On the other hand, to some open-mind family, it is clear that study abroad is much better than stay at home. There are many reasons that supporting people to go overseas. For instance, people think the way that schooling students are more productive and thoughtful on overseas campus, which instill a quite high level values to students. Also, it can teach student adjusting to a multi-culture environment. Moreover, leaning how to get along with people is another advantage. Apparently, the most important reason is that people can benefit from study abroad, because knowing people from different country or different background can build own interpersonal network, which is a sharp means to future.

In sum, although study abroad has many effects, it is undeniable that going overseas makes students become reliable and sophisticated.

March 22, 2012
11:23 pm
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writefix
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Hi Nick

Thanks for this essay. I haven't forgotten about it -  just waiting for some people to respond to some of your ideas.  Have a look at Radha's essay  (the link is here: http://writefix.com/?page_id=2722/about-this-forum/do-the-benefits-of-study-abroad-justify-the-difficulties-1)

March 26, 2012
1:45 pm
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Hi writefix
Its been a while that I did not replay! The reason why I did not reply is that I'm too eventful to type a word!

 However,I'm really appreciate that every sentences you have corrected!it really better me huge,after I read them!Especially the "longer living that one"
I was stuck in several problems about "Clause"! Anyway, I will suggest other friends to participate in this remarkable websites!

Well,I will keep work on writing essay and then put on it! I think that I don't have enough skill to correct other people,so I will try to work hard and read more essays as I can!

March 27, 2012
1:01 pm
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writefix
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Hi Nick

Thanks for your comment. I'm sure that you do have enough skill to correct other people's work, or at least to say if something feels right or wrong for you in another person's essay. Just ask a question or make a comment - we are all here to learn and practice!

Verb Tense

People said students who graduated from foreign country are more remarkable ==> People say /graduate

Specify

Make every sentence relevant to the topic. Don't use sentences which could go in any essay (e.g. this essay, I will look at some positive effects and negative effects.)

In this essay, I will look at some positive effects and negative effects. Do any possible effects outweigh the local school?

In this essay, I will look at some positive and negative effects of going abroad instead of studying in a local school or college.

Word Form/Spelling/Word Choice

In some countries, study abroad might cause many effects ==> studying abroad

it is more expansive than local school ==> expensive

There are many reasons that supporting people to go overseas ==> There are many reasons that support the decision to go overseas.

It can teach student adjusting to a multi-culture environment ==> It can teach the student to adjust to a multi-cultural environment

Word Choice

In some countries, study abroad might cause many effects, ...such as the cost of education, culture problems, and social environment.

These are not effects - we need to change the wording.

In some countries, many factors such as cost and social and cultural issues influence the decision to study abroad.

Moreover, leaning how to get along with people is another advantage. Apparently, the most important reason is that people can benefit from study abroad, because knowing people from different country or different background can build own interpersonal network, which is a sharp means to future.

Learning how to get along with people is another advantage. In fact, it is the most important benefit from studying abroad, because knowing people from different countries or backgrounds can build your interpersonal skills and your network, which are huge advantages in the future.

In sum, although study abroad has many effects, it is undeniable that going overseas makes students become reliable and sophisticated.

The word 'effect' is not right here. You are using it in a negative way, but its meaning in neutral/

In conclusion/To sum up, although studying abroad can have some disadvantages, it is undeniable that going overseas makes students more self-reliant and sophisticated.

Comma Splices and Run-On Sentences

Besides, students might not adapt to new communication, it is another concern to parents.

These should be separate sentences. Use a full stop. Commas: if in doubt, leave them out!

Besides, students might not adapt to new social settings. This is a big concern for parents, who worry if their children will be lonely or unable to make good friends.

Develop ideas fully

Furthermore, study alone is not trusted by some traditional parents. It is too dangerous that living away from family............................................why? Give example!..

Furthermore, some traditional parents do not trust their children to live alone far from home. They think their children will be in danger from thieves or muggers or unsuitable company.

Overall, Nick, your meaning is clear. Your essay is 273 words, which is fine. You should try to reduce the 16 words per sentence average by having some short sentences. Your organization is fine. Be careful with word form - make sure you choose the right form of the word (noun, adjective, adverb) for the situtation.

March 29, 2012
8:01 am
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Hi writefix 

Thanks for every sentence you have corrected for me!! thanks a million! 

I have some problems about the essay you corrected for me! 

here it is!

 

  • In fact, it is the most important benefit from studying abroad, .........

Q1: is and benefit both are "verb"right? how can we put together? or is that a clause in this sentence? like 

it is the most important that benefit from studying abroad,......

 

  •     Commas: if in doubt, leave them out!
Q2: confusing that when should i ensure the sentence that is in doubt??? 
 
 
 
Q3: well. all i want to know is that how many score i can get from this essay ! can you give me a opinion as a judge! 
 
Finally, thanks again!
March 29, 2012
1:50 pm
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writefix
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Hi Nick

No, 'benefit' is a noun in the sentence

In fact, learning to be responsible for yourself is the most important benefit of studying abroad.

Commas

I often advise "Commas -  if in doubt, leave them out!" Many writers end up with big problems from adding commas to their sentences, especially when sentences get long.

Very often, if you are not sure if a comma is correct, you should leave it out. Alternatively, break up the sentence into two sentences. 

IELTS Band: XXXXX!

I don't want to give IELTS band estimates on this site at the moment. There are some websites that do: have a look at some sample essays around Band 6 on the excellent ielts-blog.com website.  

If you look at the official IELTS Task 2 descriptors and spend some time with time, you can sort of figure out your level, but they are not so easy to understand.

I might give band estimates in the future, but some people only want to know a number and not the reason for the number, so that's always a little frustrating. 

Anyone want to estimate what band Nick would get?

April 4, 2012
10:11 pm
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hi Dear Writefix thanks for correcting again and again!!!

Actually, I have a question want you help me out 

 

Here is the question 

Q: 

I cannot ensure some sentences that I underlining  because it looks weird and doesn't make sense sort of! (especially the last sentence )


For instance, people think the way that schooling students are more productive and thoughtful on overseas campus, which instill a quite high level values to students. 

April 12, 2012
7:15 pm
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writefix
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Hi Nick

Sorry I missed this question.

You wrote:

For instance, people think the way that schooling students are more productive and thoughtful on overseas campus, which instill a quite high level values to students.  

I'd edit this slightly by adding a little more info and finishing the clause:

For instance, many employers think that the style of teaching on overseas campuses makes students more productive and thoughtful and instills some high level values in them.  

OR

For instance, many employers prefer students who have studied overseas. They think the style of teaching on overseas campuses makes students more productive and thoughtful. 

April 12, 2012
10:27 pm
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hi Mr writefix thanks again and your advice!

 

so I would write like this 

 

For instance, many employers think that the style of schooling on overseas campuses makes student more self-reliant and thoughtful and instills some high moral values in them.

April 13, 2012
2:52 pm
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Hi Nick

I think that's great.

April 13, 2012
11:17 pm
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thx a million!!!!

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