Welcome!

In the forum on this page you can see IELTS essays by people just like you. Hundreds of people added essays and comments and helped each other to get a great IELTS essay score! Have a look at their amazing writing!

Please note: This forum is closed!

closed

Sorry! However, please enjoy the hundreds of essays and thousands of comments still available here. A HUGE thanks to all the writers who commented and to all the visitors. We hope we've made IELTS writing less scary.

Popular Tags

Click the links below to see essays on that topic.

art business communication children crime culture economy education environment families food freedom globalization
health heritage  leisure media politics science society sports television travel technology transport university violence work

Avatar

Lost password?
Advanced Search

— Forum Scope —




— Match —





— Forum Options —





Minimum search word length is 3 characters - maximum search word length is 84 characters

sp_Feed Topic RSS sp_Related Related Topics sp_TopicIcon
Should museums be free? (New IELTS topic)
Topic Rating: 0 Topic Rating: 0 Topic Rating: 0 Topic Rating: 0 Topic Rating: 0 Topic Rating: 0 (0 votes) 
August 26, 2012
4:58 pm
Avatar
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 54
Member Since:
June 18, 2012
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Many museums charge people for admission while others are free. Do you think the advantages of charging people for admission to museum outweigh the disadvantages?

 

Every country has their own museums to inherit culture and history. Some museums are not free to visitors while others are not. I think the rationality behind this phenomenon depends on specific situation. In my personal opinion, there are three main factors with decisive influence on this issue.

First, the value of museums themselves and collections therein are main elements deciding free or payment for entry of the museums. If a museum lies in a high position in a country’s cultural hierarchy, charge can bring better effects than free. Even though government grant exists, the fee revenue can be invested to use more advanced technology to protect collections or provide more people with more convenient and comfortable way to appreciate human’s culture. For example, virtual museum can be put up which can attract visitors around the world instead of some countries.

Secondly, in some non developed countries with valuable museums and collections can not obtain sufficient government’s subsidies. So, entry fee is an important way for their operation. Only existence, can collections be protected. In these overpopulated countries fee is also used as a means to control the number of visitors every day, which is important to protect museums’ building and structures.

The third is closely linked with second one. People living in non developed countries may be deterred outside of a museum’s entrance due to high ticket fee. This is against the spreading of a country’s culture and improving quality of population. Obviously, fee revenue favors museum’s survival but negatively influence people’s opportunity to enrich knowledge and spare time.

 

In conclusion, free or charge depends on specific situation in individual country. A country’s government should take responsibility to balance functions of protection, spread and educational in museums. Entry fee can be used as a tool to protect cultural heritage better in some specific times or conditions. There is not absolute or forever correct for charging and free in this world.

August 26, 2012
5:47 pm
Avatar
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 67
Member Since:
July 16, 2012
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Every country has their own museums to inherit culture and history. Some museums are not free to visitors while others are not. (its a bit weird to add two not in this sentence) I think the rationality behind this phenomenon depends on specific situation. In my personal opinion, there are three main factors with decisive influence on this issue.

First, the value of museums themselves and collections therein (i guess there is no need to add this word) are main elements deciding free or payment for entry of the museums. If a museum lies in a high position in a country’s cultural hierarchy, chargeing can bring better effects than free. Even though government grant exists, the fee revenue can be invested to use more advanced technology to protect collections or provide more people with more convenient and comfortable way to appreciate human’s culture. (there is no need to write this sentence this long, and u can break it in 2 sentences) For example, virtual museum can be put up which can attract visitors around the world instead of some countries (u lose subjest here, the tourists of some nations).

Secondly, in some non developed undeveloped or developing countries, with valuable museums and collections cannot obtain sufficient government’s subsidies. So,entry fee is an important way for their operation. Only existence, can collections be protected.(there is some mistakes in this sentence) In these overpopulated countries, fee is also used as a means to control the number of visitors every day (daily visitors), which is important to protect museums’ building and structures.

The third is closely linked with the second one. People who living in non developed (developing) countries may be deterred outside of a museum’s entrance due to the high ticket fee. This is against the policy that spreading of a country’s culture and improving quality of population. Obviously, fee revenue favors museum’s survival but negatively influence people’s opportunity to enrich knowledge and spare time.

 

In conclusion, free or charge depends on specific situation in individual country. A country’s government should take responsibility to balance functions of protection, spread (propaganda) and educational in museums. Entry fee can be used as a tool to protect cultural heritage better in some specific times or conditions (extent). There is not absolute or (and) forever correct for charging and free in this world.

 

There are some problems in ur essay. Lexic is good, perfect and awesome. BUT if u wanna give ur opinions in three point, u should just give one side idea. Not giving the ideas in different graphs in different perspectives. It looks werid. In addition, do u really like the topic sentence all write in overdued phrases? I dont think so.

 

U use ' way tooooo frequent, if I m right, in Ielts essay, rarely allow use this way. u lost me in some sentences, and one sentence is way too long. Cutting it to 2 sentences, I think u will be fine.

 

The answer is good, and reasons which use to support ur idea are awesome.

 

Regards,

 

David

August 26, 2012
11:02 pm
Avatar
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 54
Member Since:
June 18, 2012
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

 thanks for our comment, David Lee

Some museums are not free to visitors while others are not. (its a bit weird to add two not in this sentence) 

i just want to express an ideal in a new way. i learnt that from an forum. i really don't know whether it is a good expression.

 

 For example, virtual museum can be put up which can attract visitors around the world instead of some countries (u lose subjest here, the tourists of some nations).

this sentense is used to support fee benefits museums' protection, an advantge of "charge" ,  not losingtopic  .

 

 Only existence, can collections be protected.(there is some mistakes in this sentence)

it is an inverted sentence. you may need consult it from grammar book.

 

 fee is also used as a means to control the number of visitors every day (daily visitors).

i think "daily" is not a good and suitable word here. it is just sense.

 

 last, i use an asmmetrical structure to reveal the advantages of charge are more wide than free, which is an comparision. but in last para, i re-note whether advantage or disadvantage is effective depending on certain conditions. i think this stucture can be accepted by examiner, because there should not be a format to regulate if you write an essay you must only discuss on side of arguments in a five-para structure.

 

this is my personal idea, welcome better instruction from you.

August 27, 2012
2:55 pm
Avatar
writefix
Guest
Guests

Hi Ma-Frank

A new topic, thanks - where did you find it? It's great when people suggest real topics accurately.

Your essay is 321 words long. Are you sure that you’ve practiced writing against the clock by hand?  I don’t think I could do 320 words in 30 minutes (and that’s not counting 5-10 minutes planning and head-scratching time!)

 Print out this sample IELTS Writing Task 2 Answer sheet from the official IELTS website, and practice writing by hand in 35 - 40 minutes. For most people, 300 words is about a page and a half. There are 20 lines on each side.  

It’s important to practice by hand at least once or twice. Typing on the computer is not the same. You don’t have time to reorganize when you are writing by hand.  You have to get it right the first time.

 Intro: A Missed Opportunity?

Why use these sentences? You wrote:

  • I think the rationality behind this phenomenon depends on specific situation. In my personal opinion, there are three main factors with decisive influence on this issue.

These sentences could be used in a million essays. Where is there a reference to the topic? How are they related to the question?

The question asks about museums, galleries, education,  leisure, admission, accessibility, public awareness, funding, tickets, funding, arts, history, culture, masterpieces, heritage, conservation, tradition, awareness, appreciation, enlightenment, inspiration, art, beauty, society, culture, tourism, nationality, pride, interactivity, artifacts, learning, wonder, imagination, elitism, government policy, populism, patriotism, craftsmanship, virtuosity, handicrafts, technology   -  but none of these ideas are here in these two sentences. A missed opportunity!

Why not write a shorter essay that actually answers the topic and where every sentence is there for a reason?

You are missing a huge opportunity to impress the examiner with a short, simple sentence  or two that (1) has ideas related to the topic (2) gives your opinion, as the question asks, instead of sitting on the fence (3) helps the reader to predict what is coming and (4) has vocabulary and synonyms for the question to show the examiner that you really do understand it.  Instead, we have 26 words which are nice but will essentially not be counted in grading your essay.

Examiners will just sigh and ignore sentences like this. They will scan instead for real ideas about the topic, rather than sentences or phrases that look or sound memorized. It’s great if you’ve memorized phrases properly, but they won’t contribute significantly to your score.

You won’t be penalized for using these sentences or phrases correctly (unless you use too many of them) – they will just be quietly passed over in the search for real nuggets

Paragraph Two

Then we come to Paragraph Two, and finally we HAVE struck gold. Great ideas here, fully supported. Your essay is looking MUCH better!

Paragraph Three

There is a problem with the first sentence -  it’s a fragment and needs rewriting

  • Secondly, in some non developed countries with valuable museums and collections can not obtain sufficient government’s subsidies

Here’s a possible rewrite:  (I’m going to leave out the bit about developed or developing countries – museums have similar problems worldwide).

  • Secondly, in some countries, valuable museums and collections cannot obtain sufficient government subsidies.

There’s another problem here:

  • Only existence, can collections be protected.

I don’t know what you mean.

You wrote:

  • In these overpopulated countries fee is also used as a means to control the number of visitors every day, which is important to protect museums’ building and structures.

I think this idea needs better support. Most museums are happy to have a large number of visitors. Do they charge to exclude some people/certain groups of society/ people who would come in just because it’s raining/for political or social reasons?  

This is one of the most important ideas in your essay, but it’s not supported enough here.  It sounds only as if the floor will collapse under the sheer weight of visitors.

In addition, why overpopulated? Singapore is overpopulated and so is Bahrain, but both have beautiful museums. What does overpopulated mean?

Paragraph Four

This paragraph is stronger than Paragraph Three, but it would benefit from being clearer. Where is your opinion? You go carefully around it but don’t say it. Say it!

If people cannot afford to visit museums, they are being excluded from their country’s history, art and achievements.  Museums which charge high prices for admission are effectively saying that these things are for a rich elite only, not all the people of a country.

You wrote:

Obviously, fee revenue favors museum’s survival but negatively influence people’s opportunity to enrich knowledge and spare time.

Here’s a simpler rewrite:

Fees help museums to survive, but they also prevent people from enriching their knowledge.

Conclusion

In your conclusion, you wrote:

In conclusion, free or charge depends on specific situation in individual country.

Here my question is in which countries, and if this is a supported idea or a generalization.  I don’t think you can generalize by entire countries.  You haven’t given any examples. In the UK, some museums are free, some are not, and it is the same in New York or in Washington DC or in Rome.  Some are free on certain days, some have exhibitions that are expensive but other areas that are free.  Some have two prices, one for locals and one for foreigners.  Some museums are private, some are government-owned.  

I would simplify this sentence. I understand what you are trying to say, but the sentence is hard work at the moment. The list needs to be parallel.

  • A country’s government should take responsibility to balance functions of protection, spread and educational in museums

Museums need to balance being open and affordable with their need for funding and security.

So the essay has a really good Paragraph Two and an OK Paragraph Four. I’m happy with the layout  and most of the sentences, but I feel you missed an opportunity to be specific in the introduction, and perhaps some examples of museums you have visited or would like to visit would help. Watch out for generalizations.

August 27, 2012
3:08 pm
Avatar
writefix
Guest
Guests

Hi Ma-Frank and David

I was just looking at your discussion about the layout.

As I said, I'm reasonably happy with the layout. Ma Frank has three paragraphs in the body:

  1. well-funded or important museums are justified to charge for admission, and are worth it
  2. other less well-funded museums charge because they (1) don't have enough government funds and (2) want to keep some people out
  3. keeping people out is not good.

It might be better if there were some clearer topic sentences, and if the thesis sentence had previewed what we were going to read.

The important point is not the number of paragraphs, but that each paragraph has a 'clear central topic.' (Band 7, in the official descriptors for IELTS Task 2 Writing (public version) here.)

I prefer simple layouts like

  • 3773 (intro, museums should charge, museums should not charge, conclusion) 
  • 3773 (intro, museums should not charge, museums should charge, conclusion) 
  • 35553 (intro, museums should charge, museums should charge, museums should charge, conclusion)
  • 35553 (intro, museums should not charge, museums should not charge, museums should not charge, conclusion)

 ...but any other layout of paragraphs is fine, as long as the topic of each paragraph is clear and it's easy for the reader to find out what you are saying, AND as long as you mark the change from paragraph to paragraph.

Read more about 3773 and 35553 layouts here.

August 27, 2012
3:08 pm
Avatar
writefix
Guest
Guests

Hi Ma-Frank and David

I was just looking at your discussion about the layout.

As I said, I'm reasonably happy with the layout. Ma Frank has three paragraphs in the body:

  1. well-funded or important museums are justified to charge for admission, and are worth it
  2. other less well-funded museums charge because they (1) don't have enough government funds and (2) want to keep some people out
  3. keeping people out is not good.

It might be better if there were some clearer topic sentences, and if the thesis sentence had previewed what we were going to read.

The important point is not the number of paragraphs, but that each paragraph has a 'clear central topic.' (Band 7, in the official descriptors for IELTS Task 2 Writing (public version) here.)

I prefer simple layouts like

  • 3773 (intro, museums should charge, museums should not charge, conclusion) 
  • 3773 (intro, museums should not charge, museums should charge, conclusion) 
  • 35553 (intro, museums should charge, museums should charge, museums should charge, conclusion)
  • 35553 (intro, museums should not charge, museums should not charge, museums should not charge, conclusion)

 ...but any other layout of paragraphs is fine, as long as the topic of each paragraph is clear and it's easy for the reader to find out what you are saying, AND as long as you mark the change from paragraph to paragraph.

Read more about 3773 and 35553 layouts here.

August 29, 2012
11:55 pm
Avatar
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 54
Member Since:
June 18, 2012
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

thanks admin, i revised some parts as your comments:

para1:

Every country has their own museums to inherit culture and history. Some museums are not free to visitors while others are not. According to my personal knowledge museums’ cultural weigh in a specific country, economic factors and heritage conservation maybe three main measurements to justify which one is better.

para3:

Secondly, in some non developed countries museums and collections can not obtain sufficient government’s subsidies. So, entry fee is an important way for their operation. Only ensuring museums’ existence can collections be protected. Fee revenue can finance deficit in museums’ operation, which maintains basic expenses. This mode is a general way for some private museums or in poor countries. Even fee is the only way for a museum’s existence in Asian or African countries due to without governmental investment or donations.

in conclusion:

 free or charge depends on specific situation in individual country.

i want say in some poor countries or private museums.

Forum Timezone: Asia/Dubai

Most Users Ever Online: 299

Currently Online:
13 Guest(s)

Currently Browsing this Page:
1 Guest(s)

Member Stats:

Guest Posters: 1

Members: 172

Moderators: 1

Admins: 2

Forum Stats:

Groups: 1

Forums: 3

Topics: 545

Posts: 2204

Moderators: Newestadmin: 0

Do NOT follow this link or you will be banned from the site!