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Should governments ensure that new buildings are built in traditional styles?
Topic Rating: 5 Topic Rating: 5 Topic Rating: 5 Topic Rating: 5 Topic Rating: 5 Topic Rating: 5 (1 votes) 
June 25, 2012
9:42 am
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 The appearance of cities has been changed by modern buildings. The government  should ensure that all the new buildings are built in traditional styles in order to protect the cultural identity of cities. To what extent do you agree or disagree?


Skyscrapers are sprouting out in groups in the metropolises across China. And one frequent  topic of discussion is that whether government should take measures to ensure that the  new buildings are built in traditional styles so as to preserve the cultural identity of cities.  It's crucial to preserve our cultural identity in the present age of globalization. But I do not think it's appropriate to construct all new buildings in traditional styles.

Convincing arguments can be made for not returning back to traditional building styles.  The mankind has made extraordinary progress in the accumulation of knowledge and the development of technical innovations. Novel conceptions of design are available to  ensure that newly constructed buildings are more stable, more convenient and  comfortable for the inhabitants. Moreover, as the competition between real estate  dealers becomes increasing stiff, the shape and dimensions of the skyscrapers depend entirely on the necessity of offering tenants apartments and offices that  please them. Buildings in the same style (traditional style) will greatly limit our choice.  And it's also notable that government meddling often leads to reduction of market  efficiency and contagion of corruption. So in my opinion, if we want to preserve the traditional style of buildings, we should not turn to government for help, nor should we force every building to be constructed in traditional style.

Admittedly, preserving our culture identity is crucial in the present age of globalization.  Culture heritages, whether it be tangible such as time-honored houses, or intangible such as rites, rituals and traditional building styles, should all be preserved and passed on to our descendents. Traditional styles of building have been tested and constantly improved by our ancestors for the past 2000 years. Many complicate designs are  missing in the modern buildings. We can learn a lot from our forefathers.

It's undeniable that the design of modern buildings should absorb some traditional styles. But we should not reject contemporary design conceptions, nor should we seek to force all new buildings to be built in traditional styles. Buildings should be built for the  good of its inhabitants.

June 25, 2012
11:49 am
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Skyscrapers are sprouting out in groups in the metropolises across China. And one frequent topic of discussion is that whether government should take measures to ensure that the new buildings are built in traditional styles so as to preserve the cultural identity of cities. It's crucial to preserve our cultural identity in the present age of globalization. But I do not think it's appropriate to construct all new buildings in traditional styles.

Convincing arguments can be made for not returning back to traditional building styles. The mankind has made extraordinary progress in the accumulation of knowledge and the development of technical innovations. Novel conceptions of design are available to ensure that newly constructed buildings are more stable, more convenient and comfortable for the inhabitants. Moreover, as the competition between real estate dealers becomes increasing stiff, the shape and dimensions of the skyscrapers depend entirely on the necessity of offering tenants apartments and offices that please them. Buildings in the same ancient style (traditional style) will greatly limit our choice. And it's also notable that government meddling often leads to reduction of market efficiency and contagion of corruption. So in my opinion, if we want to preserve the traditional style of buildings, we should not turn to government for help, nor should we force every building to be constructed in traditional style. ( i don't think that the sentences that crossed out are relvant to your theme sentence)

Admittedly, preserving our culture identity is crucial in the present age of globalization. Culture heritages, whether it be tangible such as time-honored houses, or intangible such as rites, rituals and traditional building styles, should all be preserved and passed on to our descendents. Traditional styles of building have been tested and constantly improved by our ancestors for the past 2000 years. Many complicate designs are missing in the modern buildings. We can learn a lot from our forefathers.

It's undeniable that the design of modern buildings should absorb some traditional styles. But we should not reject contemporary design conceptions, nor should we seek to force all new buildings to be built in traditional styles. Buildings should be built for the good of its inhabitants. ( Seems like your meaning hasn't be completed yet. )

June 25, 2012
11:57 am
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Thank you for the valuable comments.Are there only two problems in my essay? 

June 25, 2012
11:58 am
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shieiuan said

...

 

Thank you for the valuable comments.Are there only two problems in my essay?

June 25, 2012
1:27 pm
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Hi lifei, Welcome to writefix and i hope you enjoy your time here.

 

before commenting on your essay, i just share some statistical figures with you.

1. the number of words:L 344

passive sentence: 31%

words per sentence : 18.1

you should reduce the proportion of passive verbs/sentences in your essay . This is about "YOUR " opinion .

On top of that, shorten a bit the sentence and keep the average words per sentence 12-15(recommended by admin)

 

then lets look at your essay.

1. And one frequent topic of discussion is that whether government should take measures to ensure that the new buildings are built in traditional styles so as to preserve the cultural identity of cities.

(too long!,  "one frequent topic of discussion" is a bit redundant here . )

2.  It's crucial to preserve our cultural identity in the present age of globalization. (same here. you do not need to repeat the importance of preserving ........before giving your thesis sentence...)

 

3.Convincing arguments can be made for not returning back to traditional building styles.....

(Personally , i reckon it is a bit wordy . 

well,return back to?   redundancy here   return includes "back" .....

)

 

4.The mankind has made extraordinary progress in the accumulation of knowledge and the development of technical innovations

(well,  still wordy....in the second paragraph, you can directly start with stating your topic sentence in the first place.....)

To be honest, i am kinda losing my way while reading your second paragraph . Hmmm...make your sentence more readable and clear . more importantly , do not use the words that you feel uncomfortable and insecure . this will backfire on you in your test ....

overall , you have a great range of vocabularies and a clear understanding of advanced grammatical structures . However, it is very important to make your ideas come cross easily for the readers , so you need to state your opinions clears , avoid using too many "passive verbs/sentences" and choose the words appropriately.

June 27, 2012
1:21 pm
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chrisluke921221 said

....

Thank you very much for the revision. I find your suggestions really valuable! Thanks!

June 27, 2012
4:16 pm
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Hi Lifei

After all these notes, I'm just going to say a few things!

I thought your essay was excellent. I would change the order from

  • intro
  • disagree (buildings should not be in traditional styles)
  • agree (there are some good things about traditional architecture)
  • conclusion

to

  • intro
  • agree (perhaps there are some good things about traditional architecture)
  • disagree (however, we should not build everything in a traditional style)
  • conclusion

This would involve minimal changes to the topic sentences.

Arranging your essay in this way leaves the reader with a clear memory of your position. It would also help solve the problem that one of your body paragraphs is much longer than the other. They don't have to be the same, but if they are different you have to argue very strongly in the shorter one.

I would agree with many of the comments above from ChrisLuke and Shieiuan. However, I loved the sentence about government meddling, and thought that it (a) was relevant and (b) should be included. I agreed with Shieiuan's comment about your very last sentence - it just feels unfinished. Just a few extra words might help

I also agree with ChrisLuke about cutting back on passives, where possible. Adding a few short sentences will create impact and will reduce your average sentence length, which is on the high side at 18. A few short sentences will also look good in the middle of your very good structures.

Thanks very much Lifei - I hope you can help out some of the other people here. Looking forward to more interesting posts from you!

I've reformatted some of your replies and I hope that's OK. There's no need to quote someone else's entire reply -  it makes it hard work to scroll down endlessly!

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