Welcome!

In the forum on this page you can see IELTS essays by people just like you. Hundreds of people added essays and comments and helped each other to get a great IELTS essay score! Have a look at their amazing writing!

Please note: This forum is closed!

closed

Sorry! However, please enjoy the hundreds of essays and thousands of comments still available here. A HUGE thanks to all the writers who commented and to all the visitors. We hope we've made IELTS writing less scary.

Popular Tags

Click the links below to see essays on that topic.

art business communication children crime culture economy education environment families food freedom globalization
health heritage  leisure media politics science society sports television travel technology transport university violence work

Avatar

Lost password?
Advanced Search

— Forum Scope —




— Match —





— Forum Options —





Minimum search word length is 3 characters - maximum search word length is 84 characters

sp_Feed Topic RSS sp_Related Related Topics sp_TopicIcon
Should libraries spend money on software, videos or DVDs?
Topic Rating: 0 Topic Rating: 0 Topic Rating: 0 Topic Rating: 0 Topic Rating: 0 Topic Rating: 0 (0 votes) 
July 17, 2012
11:57 pm
Avatar
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 25
Member Since:
July 15, 2012
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

The main purpose of public libraries should be to provide books. Public libraries should not spend their limited resources on computer software, videos or DVDs. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

 

Currently, an increasing number of people have concern on how the public libraries make use of their limited resource. Overall, I disagree with the view that the public libraries should only provide books.

First, public libraries should keep pace with the modern technological development. Our own experience has revealed that computer software can help us manage the books efficiently. Not like before, with the library management system, borrow and return books become much easier. All the records can be searched just by typing some key-words. Moreover, some online booking system provided the pre-booking function to readers; users can preserve the books they like at home and pick it up from the library. Also, it is eco-friendly, as all the records are saved in computers which is paperless.

Second, it is well known that the advantage of using DVDs and Videos is space saving, by their large storage. For example, one DVD can save at least 10000 pages of books. If all the books can be transforming into DVDs, it would spare a lot space in the library.

On the other hand, that is not to say that libraries should not provide books. Reading books is the traditional things from human being. Many people still prefer reading the traditional books than the electronic books. Besides, books printed in early centuries, stored in many old libraries, are great fortune to us.

In sum, my conclusion is that public libraries should not only provide books, but also make good use of the modern technology to provide efficiency service to the readers.

Readability Indices

Flesch Kincaid Reading Ease 69.1  
Flesch Kincaid Grade Level 7.7  
Gunning Fog Score 10.8  
SMOG Index 7.8  
Coleman Liau Index 12.3  
Automated Readability Index 9.2  

Text Statistics

No. of sentences 16  
No. of words 261  
No. of complex words 28  
Percent of complex words 10.73%  
Average words per sentence 16.31  
Average syllables per word 1.43
July 18, 2012
2:55 pm
Avatar
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 25
Member Since:
July 15, 2012
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Try the Readability Indices, but not sure which index improved means better. Any one can give advance?

July 18, 2012
4:21 pm
Avatar
writefix
Guest
Guests

Hi Christyzhongs

I commented on your intro in your other essay on health care and education

There’s no need to use the tired and overusedpeople are concerned/people debate/contentious issue/matter of concern/spark debate/heated controversy heated debate” in every essay. Most people really have more important things to think about than topics in IELTS. You can read more about Introductions here, but you could just describe the situation or do a past/present intro like this:

When most people think of libraries they have an image of a quiet places with rows and rows of shelves with dusty books. However, more and more libraries resemble modern high-tech workspaces with computers, scanners, wifi connections, with DVDs and other media, and links to databases across the world. Overall, I disagree with the view that the public libraries should only provide books.

I like your thesis sentence. It gives your opinon. It might be better if it mapped out the essay for the reader by indicating what is coming in paras 2-4, but it’s OK.

Delete the following:

  •  Our own experience has revealed that
  • it is well known that
  • Not only…. But also

 Almost every sentence in paragraph 2 starts with a marker or linking word/phrase (First, Our own… Moreover, Also…) . This gets very irritating, and is called “overuse of cohesive devices.” Have a look at the official descriptors for IELTS Task 2 Writing (public version) here, under Coherence and Cohesion Band 5 “makes inadequate, inaccurate or overuse of cohesive devices.”

You’ve made a good start, but keep it up. Dump them. Use these devices sparingly. One or two per paragraph is enough. Look at Band 9 “uses cohesion in such a way that it attracts no attention.”  That’s your goal – not hitting the examiner in the face with every linking device in the book.

Just write. Give your ideas and write.

Now that the devices are out of the way I can see your ideas.  Let's look at these ideas.

Ideas

You wrote:

First, public libraries should keep pace with the modern technological development.

I really liked this topic sentence. I assumed the rest of the paragraph was going to be about

  • Libraries as a bridge between local communities and the latest technology
  • Libraries allow instant access to a world of knowledge
  • As knowledge is transformed, libraries need to transform
  • Libraries have a duty to meet the demands of their increasingly tech-savvy users
  • The world is using information technology, so libraries must keep up
  • Information is now consumed and produced in countless ways, and libraries need to reflect this.

But, unfortunately, no. We have a sentence about our “experience” revealing something about managing books efficiently. Unless we have had experience as librarians, most of us have not had to manage books. So your first point, which should be your most important point, is that state-of-the-art technology in libraries can be used to keep nice tidy list of the old books which no one reads anymore. Yes, it is true that computers can maintain book catalogs, but this is not what the question is asking.

Then your second point is that DVDs and videos save space. Yes, a book could go on a DVD, but why? How? In what format? How would we access a text? And I hope you don’t mean that the old video cassettes save space. What about films? Movies? Music? Encyclopedias? Reference? Games? What are DVDs for generally? Why not just store 10 DVDs on a tiny flash drive, and save more space?  Or why not connect to Google or Amazon’s servers?

So, two underdeveloped points.  A friendly IELTS examiner after lunch looking at Task Response might say “addresses the task only partially”(Band 5): a grumpy one at the end of the day might say “responds to the task only in a minimal way” (Band 4);  but there is no way that any examiner could say “addresses all parts of the task” (Band 7). Have a look at the official descriptors for IELTS Task 2 Writing (public version) here, under Task Response, and make sure your points are fully developed

Your third paragraph then states that we need to maintain books. This is fine as an idea, but this idea not very well supported either: “Reading books is the traditional things from human being.” (The next two sentences are better, though.)

Your conclusion then suggests that efficiency is the main purpose of spending money on technology in libraries. This is a reasonable idea, but it needed more support. Check back with the question and see if you have answered it completely.

Thanks for your essays and work. Now that you are improving in your linking and originality of writing, it just leaves the ideas - which is the most important part. Make sure you spend enough time mapping out ideas and examples before you start and develop them fully.

July 19, 2012
12:25 am
Avatar
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 25
Member Since:
July 15, 2012
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Hi writefix, thanks for your kindly suggestions and ideas on my 'Ideas'. Yep, I really encounter some difficulty after I think out the Idea. The brain become blank and cannot think out the support sentence....

Thanks for your examples, they are simple and close to our daily life, but I didn't think of them until you point out. Maybe I need to learn how to think the supporting points.

Really thank you for your suggestions! I will try more in these days.

July 22, 2012
9:00 pm
Avatar
writefix
Guest
Guests

You're welcome! Looking forward to some more essays from you.

And don't be afraid to comment on other people's essays!

Forum Timezone: Asia/Dubai

Most Users Ever Online: 299

Currently Online:
14 Guest(s)

Currently Browsing this Page:
1 Guest(s)

Member Stats:

Guest Posters: 1

Members: 172

Moderators: 1

Admins: 2

Forum Stats:

Groups: 1

Forums: 3

Topics: 545

Posts: 2204

Moderators: Newestadmin: 0

Top
Do NOT follow this link or you will be banned from the site!