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Do we need so much advertising?
Topic Rating: 0 Topic Rating: 0 Topic Rating: 0 Topic Rating: 0 Topic Rating: 0 Topic Rating: 0 (0 votes) 
May 3, 2012
11:37 am
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Today, the high sales of popular consumer goods reflect the power of advertising and not the real needs of the society in which they are sold. To what extent do you agree or disagree?


Living standard is improving, and people are able to buy the things they want. Advertising is one of the main reasons that influences to their spending, it not only provides information about products but also be attractive to the customers. However, it becomes more powerful and create high sales of some popular goods. It is said that this is not the real need of our society. In my opinion, I partially agree with this. This essay will discuss both sides of this viewpoint, focusing on the role of advertisement,

There are two reasons why advertising is the need of the society. Firstly, it plays an important role in business's strategies. All companies need to use this technique to introduce their products to the customers. If they have impressive advertisement campaigns, their goods will be sold effectively which means bringing more income. In addition, this can stimulate their countries' economy. Second, people are the person who have abilities to control their money. I believe that no one can force a person spend their money or not. Thus, advertising also can not have this ability in some cases. He most important thing is they have to control themselves.

On the other hand, some people, especially teenagers, are affected strongly so sometime they spend too much on unnecessary things. Lone of the most common methods that companies usually use is testimonials. In other words, they use famous person as their products' representation, and most of them are the youth's idols. All of things they eat, drink or use are coped by young people. For example, Pepsi used David Beckham as a role model, and he brought a huge profit to the cooperation. In fact, we still live in a healtier way without this beverage, which can lead to diabetes if we drink too much. This is really not a real need because it can brings negative consequences to many people.

In conclusion, advertising plays an important role in selling products, and it can brings benefits to countries' economy; however, some goods are not essential but still become popular. So companies should reconsider about their advertisements to not only bring advantages to their businesses, but also for their customers.

May 8, 2012
5:46 pm
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Hi Tnduong!

Your essays are getting better! Only a few points here:

Word Choice/Usage

  • Living standard is improving  → the standard of living in many countries is improving  OR living standards are improving
  • Advertising… influences to their spending → advertising influences their spending.
  • Lone of the most common methods that companies usually use is testimonials. → One of the most common…
  • All of things they eat, drink or use are coped by young people. → All of the things they eat, drink or use are copied by young people
  • David Beckham brought a huge profit to the cooperation. → David Beckham brought a huge profit to the corporation.   
  • In fact, we still live in a healtier way without this beverage → In fact, we would be healthier without this beverage.

Agreement

  • Advertising becomes more powerful and create high sales → Advertising becomes more powerful and creates high sales
  • It can brings negative consequences to many people → It can bring negative consequences to many people

Specify

Make sure every sentence is related to the topic, and is NOT a generic phrase you could use in a million essays. You have almost got it right! 

This essay will discuss both sides of this viewpoint, focusing on the role of advertisement.

Here’s a possible rewrite:

This essay will discuss some of the benefits and disadvantages of advertising.

Paragraph Two

The first part of paragraph two is very good. However, the second part needs some work. There are some problems with pronoun reference. You wrote:

Second, people are the person who have abilities to control their money. I believe that no one can force a person spend their money or not. Thus, advertising also can not have this ability in some cases. He most important thing is they have to control themselves.

Here are the same sentences, tidied up a little:

Second, people should control their spending. I believe that nothing – not even advertising - can force a person to spend their money. The most important thing is for people to be responsible for themselves.

Comma Splice

Don’t use commas to join sentences which should be separate

  • Advertising is one of the main reasons that influences to their spending, it not only provides information about products but als.. →
    Advertising is one of the main reasons that influences their spending. It not only provides information about products but also…

Conclusion

Your conclusion is fine, but do you really think companies are going to think about the benefits for their consumers first before profits?

Well done again, and keep working!

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