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Does increased food production come at a cost?
Topic Rating: 5 Topic Rating: 5 Topic Rating: 5 Topic Rating: 5 Topic Rating: 5 Topic Rating: 5 (1 votes) 
May 28, 2012
6:49 pm
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The range and quality of food that we can buy has changed because of technological and scientific advances. Some people regard this change as an improvement, while others believe that it is harmful.
Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

 

In recent years there have been seen a significant progress in producing and delivering food. While some people consider it as an advantage, the others believe that we cannot ignore some drawbacks that these improvements might have. This essay will analyze both sides effect of this issue.

On the one hand, it is obvious that the food production, including planting and harvesting, has undergone massive changes. People in the past should use basic implements to plant and harvest, causing this task as a demanding task. However, today thanks to modern technology that has made this hard working job easier. Farmers also now can produce nourishment in larger scale to consume. This probably would reduce the growing concern about starving in many places as this new technological ways have been introduced. Moreover, today by using planes and trains we can almost transfer even fresh foods wherever people need. Not surprisingly, this also increases the range of foods people can obtain.

On the other hand, some people argue that not all of such improvements are considered merit. Although new technology could increase the quantity and quality of foods, it does reach at the cost of destroying environment. Many forests have been ruined to farming and planting. For example, Kenya, one of the countries of Africa, faced massive destruction in forests in order to achieve more farmlands. When it comes to transport foods it is getting worse. The more access to various foods, the more air pollution the world would face. In fact, you should use more planes and other means of transportation to deliver food in remote areas.

To sum up, I think there is no a certain answer to this question. Although it does seem we cannot give up using new technological ways in producing food, authorities should consider environmental issues in this case.

May 28, 2012
6:52 pm
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Hi Mr.Enda

 

I wrote this essay more than one hour by computer. However, while I was writing,  doing other things or taking rest. Unfortunately, I could not make it shorter.

May 28, 2012
9:41 pm
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In recent years there have been seen a significant progress in producing and delivering food (The advanced techology increase the production and delivering food efficiently). While some people consider it as an advantage, the others believe that we cannot ignore some drawbacks that these improvements might have. This essay will analyze both sides effect of this issue. ( This essay will exam both sides of whether technologically improved food has its postive contribution to human, or should we need to be aware of the negative impact as well).

On the one hand, it is obvious that the food production, including planting and harvesting, has undergone massive changes. People in the past should use basic implements to plant and harvest, causing this task as a physical demanding task. However, today thanks to modern technology that has made this hard working job work more easier. Farmers also now can produce nourishment in larger scale to consume. This probably would reduce the growing concern about of starving in many places as this new technological ways have been introduced. Moreover, today by using planes and trains we can almost transfer even fresh foods wherever people need. Not surprisingly, this also increases the range of foods people can obtain.

On the other hand, some people argue that not all of such the improvements are considered as a merit. Although new technology could increase the quantity and quality of foods, it does reach at the cost of destroying environment. Many forests have been ruined artificially for increasing food production farming and planting. For example, Kenya, one of the countries of Africa, faced massive destruction in forests in order to achieve gain more farmlands. When it comes to transport foods it is getting worse. The more access to various foods, the more air pollution the world would face. In fact, you should use more planes and other means of transportation to deliver food in remote areas ((I don’t know why these sentences are her. I don’t see any relevant between previous sentences to the following up ones. It needs a thesis sentence. ))

To sum up, I think there is no a certain answer to this question. Although it does seem we cannot give up using new technological ways in producing food, authorities should consider environmental issues in this case. ( I am a bit confused about the conclusion. You didn’t mention what should the government do to ease this issue in your essay. But why it comes at the end of your essay?)

May 28, 2012
9:44 pm
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Mr. Writefix,

 

What do you think of my rewrite of Brian_ Mcclaine 's essay?

May 29, 2012
12:17 am
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Hello Brian and Shieiuan

Thanks for the essay, Brian. It’s a good topic. And thanks for your comments Shieiuan! You’ve spotted some important issues.

Intro: Avoid generic sentences : (   Specify!

As Shieiuan has noticed, the weakest parts in Brian’s essay are the intro and conclusion. The intro is very vague, and used a lot of standard phrases. The topic, food, is only mentioned once!  Try to work the question or topic into every sentence -  avoid generic sentences that could be used anywhere

Things get much better in the second and third paragraphs. There are clear examples, and that’s a great relief after the vague intro.

Have stronger topic sentences

I would agree with Shieiuan that the topic sentences could be improved. The first sentence for Para 2 mentions planting and harvesting, but the paragraph also discusses transport and the need to feed many people. Have a look at the official IELTS descriptors for Task 2 Writing here, under Task Response and in Cohesion  -  look for the words ‘clear central topic within each paragraph’

 The first sentence in Paragraph 3 is more general. That’s fine, although you could also have written a more specific one mentioning the loss of land and habitat, and the pollution involved in transporting food long distances - in other words, the key topics in your paragraph.

Avoid new info in conclusion

As Shieiuan notes, you did introduce a new idea in the conclusion when you mentioned the government -  this might have been useful to discuss in Paragraph 3, where you really only have two ideas.

Overall, however, the essay is fine, especially once the reader gets past the weak introduction.

Challenge!

Perhaps you could post just a two or three sentence intro here?

Shieiuan has a lot of other minor edits, but those are the biggest ones. Some of hers you will agree with, and quite a lot of your words could be removed. Others perhaps are your style or decision. That’s fine!

Thanks to both of you!

June 5, 2012
2:23 pm
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Hey Guys,

 

This topic is kind of similar with the topic in IELTS Writing Task 2 on 19th May,which is:

Food has become cheaper and food production has increased thanks to enlarged manufacturing capacity, the use of fertilizer and better machinery. However, some believe this will do harm to the health of humans and local community as a whole.

To what extent do you agree or disagree?

 

I got some problems when i practiced and i wonder if you can give me some advises to prevent the same thing happen again.

The biggest mistake i made is my writing was off the topic. I wrote the benefits from increasing food production in paragraph 2, and gave the protential problems and drawbacks in paragraph 3. Then i present my opinion in the last paragraph.

But when i examed my work, i found that i totally missed the point!! 🙁

 

After I read the topic question again, i think there are 2 clear links i have neglected

use of fertilizer  <------->  harm to the health of humans

better machinery <-------> harm to local community

 

I didnt re-write this essay but i think i would use 3773 to construct my essay. The  2nd paragraph will discuss the benefits of using fertilizer &better machinery, and the 3rd  paragraph will analyse the drawbacks, then give my conclusion: they are generally good as long as we use them temperately(moderately?).

 

Here are some questions I have:

1. is my new layout and idea seems ok for this topic?

2. how u avoid this bloody "off topic" things happen? (it happens on me quite often!!)

3. is there any suggestions on how to generate ideas? I feel im ok with the sentences, but i always lack of ideas.

4. Dear writefix, u always suggest us to try to write our sentences relate to the topic. To me, its more like a sence of awareness. Do u think it is specific skill that can be improved by practice, or a reflect of overall Writing ability?

 

Thanks all of you guys!!

 

Cheers 

June 6, 2012
7:34 pm
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Hi Gilbert

Thanks for the information about the topic. I hadn’t seen it – it’s a very interesting question.

Warning: what comes next is my personal opinion, and not that of an IELTS examiner or the IELTS organization or even an IELTS teacher!

I don’t think you should worry about choosing between the two layouts that you describe.

Let me explain, using Task 1 in the General Training (not Academic) as an example.  In Task 1 in General Training you have bullet points and you MUST deal with each of these. It's the same in Task 1 in the Academic module: you MUST cover all the features of the graph or chart.

However in the example question you have given, or indeed in most Task 2 questions, I don’t think there is a real requirement to discuss each or even any subtopics. If this is an IELTS topic, I think the examiners are adding these subpoints with the aim of giving you some help.

If they had written:

Food has become cheaper and food production has increased over the last few decades. However, some believe this will do harm to the health of humans and local community as a whole.

…many people would not have known why food production has increased or why food has become cheaper.  It would be a tough topic for many people -  they would have no idea where to start.

However, by writing...

Food has become cheaper and food production has increased thanks to enlarged manufacturing capacity, the use of fertilizer and better machinery. However, some believe this will do harm to the health of humans and local community as a whole. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

...they are giving some suggestions to candidates who might not know where to start.

I think here perhaps IELTS were trying to help by giving more information and ideas to start you off. However, in my opinion, you don’t have to deal with each of the subtopics (fertilizer,machinery, enlarged manufacturing capacity).

There are hundreds of other reasons for increased output in agriculture: farm consolidation, new breeds of food plants and animals, new weedkillers, new pesticides, improved food storage, better medical treatment for animals, genetic engineering, improved communications which allow food to travel more quickly, better irrigation, better training of farmers, better national agricultural policies, freer trade between nations, specialization, and a host of political, economic and technological factors. You could pick some of these.  

As far as I can see, the three sub-headings are there to help candidates who would otherwise not have a clue.

However, if you organized your essay as you say (3773, with the first body paragraph about the benefits and the second about the potential problems), that would be absolutely fine. There is no need to write about the benefits or disadvantages of fertilizer or the plusses and minuses of better machinery.

So relax!

However, I would be interested to hear what IELTS teachers say about this. Any opinions?  If you know a friendly IELTS teacher, or even a friendly IELTS examiner (not many of them around), ask them to contribute here!

 

On a side note, a lot of research shows that the longer the topic and the more information it gives, the worse the essays that students write. IELTS generally tries to keep topics short and tests extensively. Did anyone else see this topic?

June 6, 2012
7:39 pm
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Hi Gilbert (again!)

You asked:

how u avoid this bloody "off topic" things happen? (it happens on me quite often!!)

Maybe some other people could suggest ways to stay on topic here! I have a few suggestions, but will wait a couple of days. Are you expecting a result very soon?

June 7, 2012
2:23 am
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Hi Mr.ENda,

That's really a good question that raises more questions. Whether those subtopics are just clues or not? whether dealing with other reasons mentioned on the topic is considered off-topic or not? However, I think those subtopics or reasons given on the question are of clue to give candidates information to make their thinking easy.( That is my opinion).

 

cheers,

June 8, 2012
3:23 pm
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Hi Brian

Yeah, I think they are just suggestions and are not required. But I would have to see the exact question to be sure!

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