Welcome!

In the forum on this page you can see IELTS essays by people just like you. Hundreds of people added essays and comments and helped each other to get a great IELTS essay score! Have a look at their amazing writing!

Please note: This forum is closed!

closed

Sorry! However, please enjoy the hundreds of essays and thousands of comments still available here. A HUGE thanks to all the writers who commented and to all the visitors. We hope we've made IELTS writing less scary.

Popular Tags

Click the links below to see essays on that topic.

art business communication children crime culture economy education environment families food freedom globalization
health heritage  leisure media politics science society sports television travel technology transport university violence work

Avatar

Lost password?
Advanced Search

— Forum Scope —




— Match —





— Forum Options —





Minimum search word length is 3 characters - maximum search word length is 84 characters

sp_Feed Topic RSS sp_Related Related Topics sp_TopicIcon
Does CCTV help fight crime?
Topic Rating: 0 Topic Rating: 0 Topic Rating: 0 Topic Rating: 0 Topic Rating: 0 Topic Rating: 0 (0 votes) 
November 28, 2011
2:52 pm
Avatar
Ha Noi, Vietnam
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 29
Member Since:
November 19, 2011
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

The use of CCTV (close circuit television) cameras in streets, stations, shops and other public places has increased rapidly in recent years. Although we are told that these cameras help in the fight against crime, some people are opposed to their use. They believe that everyone has a right to privacy. (serve more as an invasion of our privacy than as a protection of our safety). To what extent do you agree or disagree?

 

There is a little doubt that escalating crime rate is puzzling issue in many countries. While it is maintained that installation of CCTV in public places is an effective measure to tackle the worsening situation, this belief is dismissed as violating the right to privacy. Despite the merits of the latter, the former is more persuasive.

To begin with, the use of television surveillance in public place might invade privacy rights of individuals. That is to say, when people recognize they are being monitored, they are likely to feel uncomfortable to act as normal to avoid making mistakes. To make matter worse, if information system is hacked by hacker, many sensational data could be leaked and spread out on the internet, which may damage severely these people’s lives, especially for celebrities who have always tried to keep their image.

However, CCTV contributes considerably to ensure public safety. To be specific, with application of CCTV in street corner and traffic lights, polices, in all probability, observe from a distance people who violate traffic rules such as jump the light, hit-and-run, which enable them to identify perpetrator. Even better, it is thanks to these qualitative evidences that make it easier to legal system prosecute criminals. Moreover, installation of CCTV promotes law-abidingness. In fact, the signs people see in shopping streets and buildings let them be aware that they are being watched by law enforcements. This, therefore, makes people far from dare to commit shoplifting and vandalism.

As all things considered, in spite of potential effects on privacy right presented by CCTV, it should be applied to help to combat to crime. It is essential that Government take consider to data protection system in order to secure individuals’ activities.

December 17, 2011
6:18 pm
Avatar
writefix
Guest
Guests

Hello Linh and thanks for this essay.

 

As I noted already in another essay, you have too many introductory phrases.

To begin with, the use of television surveillance in public place might invade privacy rights of individuals. That is to say, when people recognize they are being monitored, they are likely to feel uncomfortable to act as normal to avoid making mistakes. To make matter worse, if information system is hacked by hacker, many sensational data could be leaked and spread out on the internet, which may damage severely these people’s lives, especially for celebrities who have always tried to keep their image.

However, CCTV contributes considerably to ensure public safety. To be specific, with application of CCTV in street corner and traffic lights, polices, in all probability, observe from a distance people who violate traffic rules such as jump the light, hit-and-run, which enable them to identify perpetrator. Even better, it is thanks to these qualitative evidences that make it easier to legal system prosecute criminals. Moreover, installation of CCTV promotes law-abidingness. In fact, the signs people see in shopping streets and buildings let them be aware that they are being watched by law enforcements. This, therefore, makes people far from dare to commit shoplifting and vandalism.

You have used them correctly, but there are just too many of them. Use one, or maybe two, per paragraph – no more! Think of them as salt: a little lends flavor, too much spoils the dish.

 

Three words to avoid: 'former,' 'latter,' and 'respectively' 

 Your writing should move forward. Never force the reader to go back to work out which one is 'former' and which one is 'latter', or 'respective', or 'respectively.'  Instead, mention the actual subjects again, showing the examiner some new vocabulary.

While it is maintained that installation of CCTV in public places is an effective measure to tackle the worsening situation, this belief is dismissed as violating the right to privacy. Despite the merits of the latter, the former is more persuasive.

It's a long construction, with many nouns, passives and phrases. It might be easier for readers if it was written like this: 

While CCTV in public places can deprive us of privacy, it can also reduce crime. In this essay, I will explain why I feel the loss of some privacy is a small price to pay for safer cities.

 

Don't worry about using "I feel" or "I believe." It's an opinion essay task. Task 1 in IELTS gives you a chance to use passives and show detachment, allowing the data to speak for itself. Task 2 is all about opinion. Use some passive if you like, but present your opinion.

December 18, 2011
4:39 pm
Avatar
Ha Noi, Vietnam
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 29
Member Since:
November 19, 2011
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Hi Enda,

 

Thanks for your comment!

I'm so sorry that I made the mistake, one more time 🙁

 

But I'm quite confusing now :(. Whether should we use personal word like " I suppose, I think, I believe" or something like that in writing task 2? Really? Someone told me that It could make essays less formal 🙁

Another thing, in an essay of other member (I don't remember her/his ID), I saw she/he used a personal example like a story about her/his friend. Is it ok in IELTS writing?

January 10, 2012
4:11 pm
Avatar
writefix
Guest
Guests

Hello Linh

 

It's absolutely OK to use personal examples in Task 2 in IELTS (NOT in Task 1, of course).

 

Task 2 in IELTS writing asks you to give an opinion in an academic, "semi-formal or neutral" style, using language accurately. Of course, you shouldn't write "I wanna", "I'm gonna", use bullet points, or use words and phrases like "kids", or "He was, like, totally awesome."  (See https://www.teachers.cambridgeesol.org/ts/exams/academicenglish/ielts/academicwriting)

But you can and should give examples from your personal experience if they are relevant, and you should definitely give YOUR opinion. Don't hide behind words and passive phrases such as  

  • It has been observed
  • It is often claimed that
  • It has been noted that

These are fine if all your writing is extremely good, but it's better for most candidates to write simply and just say what they mean.

 

  

 

   

Forum Timezone: Asia/Dubai

Most Users Ever Online: 299

Currently Online:
9 Guest(s)

Currently Browsing this Page:
1 Guest(s)

Member Stats:

Guest Posters: 1

Members: 172

Moderators: 1

Admins: 2

Forum Stats:

Groups: 1

Forums: 3

Topics: 545

Posts: 2204

Moderators: Newestadmin: 0

Top
Do NOT follow this link or you will be banned from the site!