Thanks for this essay.
I’m confused by the third paragraph.
Let’s see if I understand your layout and main ideas:
- Introduction: Advertising makes people buy stuff for the wrong reason
- Paragraph 1: Companies use famous people in their advertising.
- Paragraph 2: Much advertising is false / Products are not what they are advertised as
- Conclusion: People should not trust ads completely.
The topic sentence in Paragraph 3 needs to be clearer: I would like to see your opinion here. Another problem is that the sentences don’t flow easily from one to the next.
Here’s one possible rewrite for Paragraph 3: ( I think your paragraph has only one idea, really - three would be much better, and some concrete examples would be better again).
Another problem with advertising is that it is often contains false information or does not meet the claims made for it. People often buy things but then find that they are not suitable or do not work as advertised. This leads to complaints and dissatisfaction, and of course is a waste of money.
Nowadays, cutting-edge technology emerges enormous effects on people's life. Advertising which is the most essential way to introduce products to people has influenced the way people purchase goods. However, advertising seems changing the real purpose to buy. In this essay, I will point out how advertisement works in real life and indicate several reasons why I agree advertising affecting society in a negative way.
In your intro, the first sentence is not directly related to the essay topic. You don’t have time in just 250 words - you need to get to the point quickly. Here’s a possible rewrite for your intro:
Advertising is all around us, and it definitely influences our buying decisions. However, is it always accurate, and does it make us buy things we don’t need? In this essay, I will explain why we need to be cautious about advertisements and not just buy based on the celebrities we see in ads.
Shorten and Simplify
- As the technologies are available to individuals, the competition of selling industry is increasingly stiff. → (I’m not sure what this means, and I don’t think it’s a good topic sentence.)
Do you mean:
- Advertising clearly works. OR
- Companies know that attractive advertising is effective. OR
- Many companies use celebrities in their ads. etc.
Word Choice/Word Form/Usage
- Companies use the public advertiser to stimulate and soars company's image. →
Companies use advertising to promote their image.
- For example, if companies want to cultivate the quality of good, they hire the celebrities to represent their products for enhancing the good's shortage. →
Many companies use celebrities in their advertisements.
- There is a definite link between advertising and good. → (I’m not sure what ‘good’ refers to here.)
There is a definite link between more advertising and increased sales. OR
Advertising can cheat people
- From this viewpoint, it is clear that advertising bridges the gap between goods and the truth of the real quality. →
(‘Bridge the gap’ is usually positive. Here I think you mean something negative, maybe like this:
Advertising disguises the truth. OR
Advertisements often hide the reality of a product OR
Many advertisements are exaggerated or even false.
- Also, the censorship should be built by government to censor the truth of advertisements → Governments should control advertising by setting standards that advertisers have to follow.
- After people bought the items through these manners; as a result, they argue and complaint that how worse the condition of the items were and how unreasonable the price was. → After buying items, people often find that their new purchases do not work or are overpriced.
Overall Nick, I think you’ve written better essays. Keep trying, but get to the point quickly and give more examples. You have really only two or three ideas - you need six. Try a simple format with ‘First,’ ‘Second,’ ‘Another point is that,’ ‘Finally,’ and have a specific and simple example for each. If you can’t find six ideas, try five, or even four, but try to have as many as you can! Keep it simple!